Getting along with adolescent children: don’t help if you don’t need it, and help if you need it

When it comes to the adolescent children at home, after the child\’s father took care of him a few times, the child resisted and fell into internal strife. The relationship between the child and the father has become estranged. When the child gets older, he will have his own ideas. You control her and think that the father restricts her freedom, disrespects her, and makes her have no dignity. Yesterday I shared that children’s energy should not be consumed and parents should not compete with their children. So how to do it? The principle we discuss is to practice these two first. 1. Keep your mouth shut. If you don’t like your child, shut up. If you really can’t help but remind your child, stop talking if your child doesn’t listen. The challenge came last night. I was doing homework at around nine o\’clock when the teacher suddenly sent a message. Due to the typhoon, school will be postponed tomorrow. I will arrive at school at 10 o\’clock. It\’s okay now. After receiving this message, the child is not in a hurry to do his homework. He will go to school tomorrow night and decides to go to bed late and get up late. The two children started playing and went to bed after 11 o\’clock. During this process, we really wanted to remind them to go to bed early and get up early, but we held back. At 8:30 this morning, we were chatting with my aunt in the living room, which woke up the child. She came out and complained that we talked too loudly and disturbed her rest. In the past, my father would have said, \”If you don\’t get up at 8:30, we will eat normally, and you will be disturbed. If you don\’t get up, I won\’t blame you, but blame others for chatting.\” This morning the father and I shut up, complained and went back to the house. Go out to have breakfast by yourself at 9 o\’clock. The advantage of shutting up is that the child\’s complaints are one-sided. We will not increase your internal friction, nor will we be serious with you, nor will we argue with you about right or wrong, winning or losing, and we will not let you direct your energy and contradictions at us. We were no longer targets for her fights and were able to get up and go to school. 2. If your child doesn’t need it, don’t help. If your child needs it, respond. After children enter adolescence, they feel that they know everything. The common mantra is that you don\’t understand, and you won\’t understand even if you tell them. You can\’t understand. The most annoying thing is that his parents still discipline him as a child. If we still treat him as a child, he will nag when things happen, control his life in every detail, comment on his taste, oppose his views, and deny her feelings. The child closed not only the door to his bedroom, but also the door to his heart. Withdrawing from the child\’s small world allows him to have a certain private space. He can heal himself in that space when he is sad, and he can let himself go in that space when he is happy. In a program, Yi Nengjing mentioned that on her son Harry\’s birthday, she sent him a message: \”Mom will exit your life gracefully. This is the greatest love for you. But as long as you look back, we will It will always be here. Mom must learn to exit gracefully. This is really an extremely painful thing. Even so, I will not stop missing him and being with him just because he has grown up. Every unforgettable moment we spent together. However, I know that I am no longer that role. Now, I have reached an agreement with the father of the child. If the child needs us, we will help and support him. We just quit and don’t have any internal conflicts with our children. Mo Yan said: \”What can convince a person is never truth, but the wall; what can enlighten a person is never preaching, but suffering. Adults can only screen, not educate. People teach others, but they cannot teach.\” , things teach people,One time is enough. Suffering a loss is the same as eating. If you eat too much, you will naturally grow. \”It\’s useless to reason about the child\’s shortcomings. Let the child learn and grow in society, and society will educate him.\” Long Yingtai wrote in \”Watching\”: \”The so-called father-daughter and mother-son relationship just means that you My fate with him is that I have been watching his back fade away in this life. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. \”It is really relaxing to withdraw from the world of children and become a watcher.