How many parents are trying their best to be their children\’s \”bad reviewers\”?

I went to an educational lecture at the weekend, and the lecturer asked this question. \”What are the advantages of your child?\” Parents almost said \”many\” in unison, but they could not name many in one sentence. \”What are the shortcomings of your child?\” Parents answered with a wealth of knowledge. This question is quite interesting. Parents all know that their children have many advantages, but they rarely think about these advantages seriously and keep them in mind. Parents remember their children\’s shortcomings clearly. Why? There was also a question at the venue: \”Grandparents, do you think it is easier to take care of your grandchildren or your own children?\” The answers of the grandparents present were unanimous: of course it is easier to take care of your own children. Because the children are not their own, the grandparents are more tolerant and doting on the children in the process of raising children, for fear that they will be disliked by their own children if they fail to take care of them. Because they are their own children, parents are more concerned about setting rules and standards for their children so that they can get closer to the perfect image in their minds. In this process, parents think that the best way is to constantly correct their children\’s shortcomings and act as their children\’s \”bad reviewers\” intentionally or unintentionally. Whether this is a good thing is debatable. This morning, as I was sending my children to school, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her daughter. Mom said: Do you have your notebook with you? The child said: Oh, I forgot. The mother said: \”What\’s the matter with you? It\’s like this every time. If someone else hadn\’t cleaned it up for you, you would never have thought about it. When will you change this?\” The child lowered his head silently and walked forward. No more talking. Mom continued: \”How many times have I told you to check your schoolbag after you finish your homework to see if you left anything behind, but you just don\’t listen.\” Is this scene particularly familiar? Most children have encountered their parents\’ bitter words and resentment when they were growing up. I still remember how many times when we were young, we excitedly wanted to tell our parents good news, but in the end the good news turned into bad news. Chen Xiaoniu said, why don\’t you remember? Every time after saying this, she wanted to slap herself in the face a few more times. When she was in the first grade of junior high school, Chen Xiaoniu ranked third in the class for her first intermediary exam. When she got her report card, she was very happy. She was two weeks behind other classmates, and her score was pretty good. She had no intention of going to class all day long, thinking that she would go home at night and tell her parents the good news, and they would be happy for her. \”What? I only got third place in the exam. Why didn\’t I get first place? What\’s the difference between the first and second place?\” \”I went late.\” Chen Xiaoniu wanted to defend herself. \”It\’s not an excuse to go late. You always came first in the exams when you were in elementary school,\” my mother said seriously. \”I will definitely take the exam well next time,\” Chen Xiaoniu promised. \”Next time? Why didn\’t you do well in the test this time? Find out the reason carefully, why the points were deducted, and where was the mistake?\” \”I understand.\” Chen Xiaoniu said, what was originally a very happy thing, changed to other students, Everyone might be happy when she returns home, but her parents have been strict with her since she was a child, especially not to be careless in her studies. From now on, she will be inexplicably nervous before every exam. We were all Chen Xiaoniu, Wang Xiaoniu, and Li Xiaoniu, growing up in the ardent hope of our parents. I read an article by the authorWrite about your experience of returning home during the Chinese New Year. She said that if she wants to have a safe and peaceful New Year, her experience is to automatically adjust herself to a semi-idiot state. What does that mean? No matter how lively, capable, capable, and independent she is outside, when she comes home, in her mother\’s eyes, she is just that silly girl who is industrious and unable to do anything well. Her mother lets her If she goes east but not west, she will definitely listen to her mother\’s words. If she wanted to do what she wanted, that would be the trigger for a war with her mother. In her mother\’s eyes, she needed care at every turn. Is parents’ corrective education useful? Of course it is, otherwise it would not be regarded by many parents as an artifact for educating their children. It is difficult to say how useful it is and what effect it has. Wouldn\’t it be better if it were done in another way? In the process of raising children, I found that when a child does something that she thinks is bad, she will be very anxious before telling her parents. She will tell us carefully. After telling us, there will be two consequences, one is to be criticized, and the other is to be comforted. Children will be even more frustrated if they are criticized. If you comfort her instead of criticizing her, her body will relax and a smile will appear on her tense face. Be comforted that the number of times you make this mistake next time will not increase, but will decrease. Nowadays, many kindergartens and training institutions adopt the \”appreciation\” education method, which means giving more encouragement and praise to children. I think it is also applicable to senior children. For the two examples mentioned above, what if the parents changed their approach? The first one: \”Baby, did you bring your notebook?\” \”I forgot.\” \”I forgot, it doesn\’t matter, mom didn\’t think about it, I believe you will think about it next time.\” The second one: \”Mom, I I got third place in the exam.\” \”Third place, it\’s so great. You got two weeks less than others. If this continues, you won\’t be able to get first place in the exam next time.\” The two answers play a role in the children\’s minds. The effects are different. As adults, if we don’t get affirmation everywhere at work, and the boss stares at your little mistakes every day and gives you advice all day long, you won’t feel that you have a big problem, but that the boss is being picky and deliberately trying to make things difficult for you. . Then comes self-denial. In this case, will you do a better job? of course not. The same is true for children\’s reactions when they apply themselves to others. If they are not recognized by their parents for a long time, not only will their self-confidence be reduced, but their trust in their parents will also be reduced, and the effect of correcting the problem will be even less ideal. Parents are their children\’s first teachers. Children initially have unconditional trust and admiration for their parents. Many of their behaviors are to gain the approval of their parents. If parents can grasp the general principles and directions, be tolerant and encouraging of small problems and shortcomings, method may have better educational effects on children. Parents\’ \”appreciation\” is the best encouragement to their children. Don\’t be your child\’s \”disapproval judge\” at every turn.