How parents decide their children\’s lives

Brother M\’s child took the college entrance examination this year. Before the results came out, I asked him about his preference for applying. \”I want to study abroad for my undergraduate degree. I just signed up for an intensive IELTS training class…\” I went directly to study abroad for my undergraduate degree. This direction surprised me a little. I know more children who finish their undergraduate degree and then go to study abroad for graduate school. way. \”Going directly to a foreign country to study for an undergraduate degree will be beneficial to your future graduate studies. Taking Oxford and Cambridge as examples, it is not easy for even graduates from top domestic universities to take the postgraduate entrance exams of these two prestigious universities. But if you study in a country with an English department, the rankings are higher It will be much easier to apply for postgraduate programs in these two schools after graduation…\” Brother M explained it in detail, and my mind suddenly opened up. What is pattern and strategy? This is it. Brother M\’s child attends a well-known middle school in China. His grades are excellent and his overall quality is very strong. He is both the league secretary and the monitor. Innate qualities are destined for such children to be great in the future. However, children with first-rate innate qualities may not be able to reach their current heights of development if they had not met powerful parents like Brother M. When the child was in elementary school, his grades were already outstanding. In order to have a better educational environment, Brother M, who was not short of money, bought a house in a first-tier city when he was promoted to junior high school. According to the policy, buying a house comes with a household registration, and the child can study in a middle school in the city. Brother M didn\’t put too much emphasis on what would happen to the child, but just supported her as much as possible. As a result, the child lived up to her expectations and entered a key middle school in the city as soon as she passed the exam. After entering school, all aspects of development were good. Even so, Brother M has never thought about letting his children study abroad for undergraduate studies. He only thinks that they can study at a good university in China. On the eve of the college entrance examination, I communicated with other friends and realized the advantages of studying abroad for an undergraduate degree, so I started to think about it. After discussing with the child, the child responded positively, so after the college entrance examination, he signed up for the IELTS intensive class without stopping. \”Whether you can study abroad mainly depends on two scores, one is the college entrance examination score, and the other is the IELTS score. If you can pass the test, you can go abroad. If you can\’t pass the test, you can also study at home as an undergraduate…\” Brother M is not too deliberate about his child\’s future. The plan is just to develop according to the child\’s talents and fulfill one\’s responsibilities as a parent. This leisurely and casual life may sound light and breezy, but in fact it has reached a level that many parents cannot reach. Children\’s qualifications to enter prestigious schools and study abroad are due to their personal abilities. Under the surface of personal abilities, they are inseparable from the strong economic foundation and lofty vision created by their parents. Children and parents complement each other, and this is the legend of the fish leaping over the dragon\’s gate. Haichun is a girl from the junior high school classmate Lao Chen\’s family. The little girl has been very smart since she was a child. She studied in elementary school in the same village and ranked first in her grade every year. Later, I went to a township junior high school and was still ranked first in my grade. He has good academic performance and other good qualities. Haichun loves literature. Lao Chen showed me some poems written by his daughter. The short sentences were amazing. Privately, Lao Chen and I lamented: \”My daughter is very talented and must be nurtured well.\” Lao Chen grinned happily to the back of his ears: \”I have to support her schooling even if she sells iron.\” When he was a junior high school student, Haichun\’s grades were in the top ten. Ranked among the top 20 in the county, with such results, it would not be a problem to go to a key high school in the province hundreds of miles away. Key high schools also offered olive branches, Lao ChenBut he hesitated: \”It\’s such a long distance, and we don\’t have a car. What should we do with our children going back and forth?\” Key high schools have holidays once a month, and each holiday only lasts for one day. It takes almost a day to drive back from Lao Chen\’s village to the school. It is impossible for children to go back and forth within the specified time. Moreover, the fees of key high schools are very high, and Lao Chen can afford it despite his family\’s financial resources. However, Haichun has a younger brother, and his younger brother also needs to go to school. Haichun\’s mother is in poor health and takes medicine all year round. You can\’t just go to high school for your children and the whole family will have to go through it. Because of Haichun\’s excellent performance, the local high school offered to come here to study, not only to reduce the tuition fee, but also to give him 5,000 yuan in living expenses every year. \”It\’s all high school, it\’s the same no matter where you go.\” With no other choice, Lao Chen had no choice but to comfort his daughter. In this way, Haichun went to the local high school to report. Here, her grades are still excellent, but due to the teaching environment, even if she is number one in the school, her grades cannot match those of mid-range students in key middle schools. Three years later, in the college entrance examination, Haichun ranked third in the school and was admitted to an ordinary first-class college. Lao Chen\’s family was very happy, thinking that everything would be fine if their daughter just escaped from the farm. Haichun was not so happy. Because he did not know how to fill in the application form, he was transferred to a major that he was not interested in at all. Haichun was not convinced and wanted to repeat his studies. Lao Chen and his wife said in unison: \”If you fail to pass the exam, you have to repeat it. If you pass the exam, you have to retake it. You haven\’t suffered enough from going to school.\” With no choice, Haichun had no choice but to go to that university. Now, I am in my third year of college, and my studies are mediocre. Haichun came to see me once during the May Day holiday. I was in good condition, but my eyes no longer had the aura of beauty that I had when I was a child. \”My family has a heavy burden and I won\’t take the postgraduate entrance examination. After graduating from college, my father asked me to go back to the county. I also asked my aunt to help me pay attention to the recruitment information of civil servants…\” The civil service examination is a good choice, but looking at Haichun\’s back, I still feel a little embarrassed about it. The child regrets that if her parents had worked hard, with her talent, she would be in this situation today. Of course, no one is sure that Haichun will not have great development in the future, but no matter how it develops, it is really unlikely that it will reach the heights of Brother M\’s children. When people reach middle age, there are often two schools of thought when discussing life: one is the seize-the-day school that life is short and must be striven for; the other is the real comfort school that why can\’t you think about ordinary things so much? As a striving person, I am often unable to refute the views of the comfort group. It seems that the more I refute, the more I appear to be a mediocre person who is greedy for fame and fortune. I personally witnessed the story of Brother M’s child and Haichun, and suddenly I felt like I had something to say. Why struggle? Because the class of the parents directly determines the starting point of the child. Before writing this topic, I briefly summarized the development status of the children of acquaintances around me, and discovered a shocking fact. In the small county where I live, my parents are considered middle-class, and most of their children have left the county when they grow up. Some went abroad directly, while others stayed in first-tier cities, where they worked well and their careers took shape. There are also some who return to the county town, but they are either officials or businessmen, and their starting point is above the middle class. What is the origin of most ordinary people in the county? They are either second-generation farmers or second-generation ordinary people. Among them, the development trend of the second generation of farmers is far better than that of the second generation of ordinary people. Theoretically speaking, this phenomenon seems to sayIt doesn’t make sense. The family background of the second-generation flat people is better than that of the second-generation farmers. Why, when they reach the county level, the second-generation flat people often can’t compete with the second-generation farmers. The answer is simple. The second-generation farmers who worked hard to come to the county town are outstanding children who broke out from the large number of second-generation farmers who took root in the countryside. These children are all very talented, but their lack of higher development is not because they are not capable, but because they are limited by factors such as their family background and parents. Once you reach the level of the county seat, you will burst out with new energy if you get used to it a little bit. As for the second-generation flat people who were stranded in the county, their origin environment determined that they could have impacted the urban generation, but because of their poor quality, they were rejected by the second-generation flat people from the same background. In other words, they were the losers in the first round of screening. The losers of the second-generation flat class PK the winners of the second-generation peasant class. Under the same environment, the development capabilities of the two are different. Therefore, what we see more often is that the second generation of ordinary people live comfortably on the savings and support of their working-class parents, while the second generation of rural people start from scratch and step by step counterattack and rise to become a new middle-class generation in the county. This kind of differentiation will become more obvious after middle age. Many second-generation peasants unconsciously become subordinates of the second-generation peasants who are not as good as themselves. Their words can only be Ah Q-style self-comfort: \”Our ancestors were also rich.\” . The bigger difference is their children. The second generation of farmers who have fought their way out of the siege will pay special attention to their children\’s education. No matter what their children\’s innate talents are, they will do their best to send their children to a higher level. Under such a premise, the third-generation rural children with outstanding qualifications are very likely to become the urban generation due to the support of their parents. As for children of the third generation, because their parents have no pursuits of their own, unless they are particularly outstanding, they are basically the successors to the lives of their second-generation parents. Sadly, many second-generation parents are not aware of this difference at all. In the face of other people\’s counterattacks, they always like to comfort themselves like this: if their children are capable, they have a good reputation, and if their children are incompetent, they have a good fortune. The implication is that capable children are free to fly, and their parents are old, and there is no one around to serve them tea and water; incompetent children stay by their parents\’ side, and although they may be suspected of gnawing at the old, if they really need it, they can be taken care of by just saying hello. Be filial. It is true that this fact cannot be ruled out, but parents who \”do not expect their children to succeed\” neglect one point. Their \”easy-going\” attitude not only delays the future of their children, but also directly determines that the entire family\’s descendants will always be able to survive at the end of the food chain. . There is a proverb abroad: A nobleman is born in three generations. Based on the reality in China, it is too difficult to produce a noble in three generations, but through the joint efforts of three generations, it is basically feasible to completely change the class and destiny of a family. Take Brother M as an example. Brother M is a second-generation farmer, and his parents have always lived in the countryside. With the help of his studies, he relied on his personal talents and abilities to leave the living environment of his parents\’ generation and become a member of the small-town generation. After establishing a foothold in the small town, they fought hard and fought back to become the middle class. When their children receive education, Brother M, who is not short of money, does his best to provide the best possible educational environment. Children with both good genes and a good family background will continue to advance to the next level by standing on the shoulders of their parents, and they will be safe and sound. of the urban generation and even the immigrant generation. After the entire triple jump develops, the childHis fate is different from that of his parents. Children who stand at a higher starting point have a greatly increased chance of meeting a better partner in future marriage. This creates an inevitable reality: Brother M’s grandchildren are born with a better environment and better genes. A girl from a small county town, no matter how hard she tries, can only find a talent within the county town. As for a female gold-collar worker in a first-tier city, the person she wants to marry has to be an elite of a similar class to her, no matter how bad she is. Therefore, excellent academic performance will not only change a person\’s destiny, but may also improve the genes of a family. It is completely unpredictable what kind of great fortune the descendants will have in the future. Currently, 90% of the children I know who go to prestigious schools, study abroad, or even immigrate are successful people from their parents\’ generation. For the remaining 10%, the parents are not particularly successful, but their children have strong talents and abilities, and the family environment also attaches great importance to education. People like Sister Zao are far from being considered the \”successful generation\” in the county, and their children have mediocre innate talents. It is basically hopeless to compete with other families of the same level for their children to counterattack the rise of the city, but the whole family can work together to make their children as good as possible. There is still hope for leaving the county seat and becoming a \”flat generation\” in the city. Because of this hope, we will always do our best to provide the highest possible educational platform for our children. Such \”efforts\” are not to deliberately push children away from us, but to hope that their children will have a higher education than our predecessors. A little development platform. Water flows to lower place, man goes to higher position. After reading this article, the comfort-minded people should understand. Struggle is not only about moving higher, but more importantly, the height of the parents directly determines the height of the child.