How to correctly view children’s mentality of not being able to afford to lose and not seeing others better than themselves

Yesterday, Niu studied with her good neighbor. She has less study to complete every day, while her good friend has more study to complete. Sometimes, the rhythm of the two\’s games doesn\’t match, and she feels quite distressed. Seeing this situation, I suddenly wanted to improve the learning efficiency among children. He said to them: Come on, each of you will do a page of questions and see if you do it seriously. How long will it take to complete? Seeing that the girl was eager to try, I encouraged her to start first. Teacher Todd teaches preschool psychology for free download [180 episodes completed] Unexpectedly, she got off to a bad start and stumped her with the second question! She couldn\’t understand the question! When her good friends saw that she couldn\’t understand it, they walked over and told her what to do! After teaching the second question, I looked at the third question again, and she still couldn’t do it! She stood there, hesitating for a while, then she couldn\’t hold it back any longer and collapsed! I took the book over and looked at it: These girls have never studied before, so they are not normal. If you want to learn, we can learn together! It doesn\’t matter! My explanation didn\’t have much effect. The girl still didn\’t speak and pouted in anger. Seeing her like this, I started to feel emotional. It doesn’t matter! And I explained it to you! Why is he so angry? I don’t want to deal with you now. What do you want to do? Within two minutes, she said: I am not as good at math as you are! I\’m better at painting than you, right? After hearing this sentence, my anger increased! What is this nonsense? Do you have to compare yourself to others? But it’s inappropriate to criticize her in public, let’s talk about it later! I simply didn\’t look at her and just discussed how to solve the problem with my good friends to divert my attention and hope that she could calm down on her own. I said to her good friend: Come on, teach me how to calculate this? What places should be observed? How did you figure that out? Seeing me and my good friend discussing the topic seriously without responding to her, she became even more angry! He walked from the living room to the door, lay down at the door, turned his head to ignore me for a while, and turned to look at me for a while. In fact, she motioned for me to go over and comfort her. Although I knew what she was thinking, I couldn\’t comfort her in the current mood. I was restrained by my own emotions. My turning a blind eye and cold treatment made her even more angry! Walking directly back from my friend\’s house, I had no choice but to follow him quickly. After returning home, she sat on the sofa alone with tears in her eyes. Me: Mom knows, you wanted me to comfort you just now, but mom didn’t comfort you, you were very sad, weren’t you? She didn\’t speak, but her body visibly relaxed. Me: Do you know why mom didn’t comfort you? Because I\’m angry too! I\’m angry that you think you\’re not good enough just because you can\’t do a few math questions, so you\’re comparing yourself to your friends! Niu: I was really sad because I couldn’t solve the question! Me: Yeah, mom didn’t take this into consideration. Mom will pay attention next time! When you can\’t solve a question, do you want to calm down and spend more time thinking, or do you want someone else to give you a hint? Niu: I don’t want XXX to teach me, that would make me look like I’m not as good as her! Me: So in the future you will meet people who know more than you in some aspects, what should you do? Niu: Mom, wouldn’t you be sad if your friend is better than you in some way? This question shocked me, and I wanted to say: I won’t be sad! I will learn from him! but that\’s notThe truth, the truth is: we want to be a little better than our friends, so that we feel more secure and superior. When you see a friend who is better than you, it\’s not that you won\’t bless the other person\’s success, but that the other person\’s excellence will set off your own shortcomings, so you feel sad. Finally, I decided to tell the truth: you are right, I will be sad too, because I also hope that I am also good! Niu: Yes, that’s what I was doing just now! Then, you knew I was unhappy, so you didn’t comfort me, and you continued to calculate problems with her, as if you liked her more! Me: Mom doesn’t like her more. In my heart, I will always like you more! It\’s just that because you can\’t do a few questions, you feel like you\’re not good. I\’m angry about this. Niu: Yeah, yeah, I know, Mom! Me: Are you in a better mood? Niu: Better! Me: Do you still want to play with your friends? Still want to stay by myself for a while! Girl: Let’s play together! Me: Okay, then go and ask her to come over and play! This incident made me realize: It is a hidden instinct of human beings to not be able to afford to lose, or to look down upon the good of others. This instinct does not sound fair and square, but it exists and is not dependent on human will. At first, children will express this instinct in the most direct way, crying and getting angry. But as they grow older and gain more knowledge, they will learn to express themselves in more appropriate ways. Because they have a more objective understanding of themselves and others. What do you know and don’t know, and what do others know and don’t know? A ruler is shorter and an inch is longer. The comparison of life is not so simple. In this case, when a child expresses this emotion, there is no need to educate him: you have to be generous, you have to learn from others, you have a heart that cannot afford to lose, etc. Just accept his emotions, guide him to see his own value, and then express your love for your child, that\’s it! You feel unhappy when you lose, don\’t you? This is normal, I will be unhappy if I lose! In this matter, I saw that you did a good job in all aspects! In the hearts of parents, you will always be the best!