I was scolded by my parents to the point of wanting to commit suicide! A family\’s tragedy starts from not talking well

I recently saw a piece of news about a 14-year-old girl who accidentally lost her mobile phone and committed suicide by taking pills after being scolded by her parents. Netizens expressed their dismay that losing a mobile phone, how could such a trivial matter lead to such serious consequences? It was later discovered that this child had been silently enduring the scolding of his parents at home for many years, and the cell phone incident was just the final outburst. Before she died, she was scolded twice more for dressing too slowly and taking too long to wash her hair. After being scolded, she said she had a stomachache and wanted to go back to her room to rest. My mother didn\’t pay attention and hurriedly went out to buy goods. After twelve o\’clock, when her parents came home, they found that she had stopped breathing. Afterwards, the belated parents recalled that their daughter had revealed the idea of ​​committing suicide many times when she was scolded. She tried to give signals to her parents many times, but was ignored. What was even more cruel was the mother\’s behavior at that time. The response is, it would be better if you were dead, you troublemaker. Finally, the child was cornered in despair. This 14-year-old girl contemplated suicide over and over again every day. It is unimaginable the pain and suffering she endured. The girl\’s mother finally cried until she almost fainted, wailing: \”Daughter, please come back quickly, I will never scold you again!\” Unfortunately, the child will never hear this sentence, and the parents will never get the chance to correct themselves. Why did something as simple as losing a mobile phone trigger a family tragedy? We asked this couple who often blames their children, and also asked themselves whether they would encounter the same situation in the process of getting along with their children. Obviously at the beginning, it was just the child who made a small mistake and he failed to control his emotions. Blaming the child will not only make the situation more out of control, but also cause the child to become rebellious, and you will regret it afterwards. A friend of mine told me that this was the situation in his family. One year during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the family finally got together and had a great time. Because there was no salt when cooking, they asked the children to go out to buy salt because there were not many children in the shops. He walked a long way to find a convenience store, and because he was playful on the way, when he came back, all the dishes were on the table, and he was just waiting for the packet of salt. The father was originally just a little dissatisfied with his child\’s late arrival, but for some reason the words came to his lips like, you are useless, you can\’t do anything well, you just know how to embarrass me. The child became angry and aggrieved after hearing this, and it immediately turned into a family war. The out-of-control child finally slammed the door and left in a rage. That night, the friend\’s house ended up not having any food because soon a neighbor knocked on the door. Said the child was hit by a car while crossing the street. Looking at the child\’s scarred face and the round moon in the hospital, my friend was filled with regret. Failure to speak well is the beginning of a family tragedy, because the violence of language is a spiritual butcher\’s knife, far better than the physical weakness caused by material poverty. There is a concept in psychology called \”verbal abuse\”. Psychologists say that verbal abuse is less noticeable than physical abuse because the scars cannot be seen and no evidence is left. However, the damage can be more serious than physical abuse. What a person says when he is angry will be like a nail in the other person\’s heart. No matter how many times he says sorry later, the wound will always exist. Colleague’s childZi was recently admitted to Tsinghua University. He immediately became a role model for parents in the workplace in educating their children. Colleagues came to him to learn from him. For this reason, the leader specially asked him to come on stage to give a sharing. A colleague said: \”Actually, I am really not qualified to tell you how to educate your children, because I have done almost nothing on children\’s issues.\” When he finished saying this, everyone was in an uproar. Obviously everyone thought he was deliberately Tell the truth. After a while, the colleague said: \”If I have to find a reason, it is that I always talk to my children well. No matter whether the children\’s grades are good or bad, I have never reprimanded him, because I know that there are some things that we also cannot do. It\’s impossible, not to mention he\’s just a child.\” Soon, there was a round of applause from the audience. In the unit, we also have a lot of jobs that we don’t do well, which is the same as the children’s academic performance. If a person is scolded by the leader because of a mistake at work, I think he will feel uncomfortable, not to mention a person with extremely high self-esteem. Strong child. Later, a colleague told me that he couldn\’t speak well when educating his children at the beginning. Until one time when he was angry because he was scolded by his mother, the child beside him said aggrievedly, since dad doesn\’t like being scolded by grandma, why did I do something wrong? Can\’t you be more patient with me and speak nicely to me? At that moment, he suddenly realized that no matter what the child did wrong or what dissatisfied him, he insisted on taking a deep breath for ten seconds before speaking, taking away his emotions and discussing the matter as it happened. This persistence finally received positive feedback. , the children gradually fell in love with learning and became more and more confident. Treating your child as a friend is the only way you can get closer to your child, and the way to do that is by talking to him. So what does it mean to speak well? To speak well is to speak softly and slowly, not to shout or yell, but to discuss things as they happen. If a child does something wrong, we will only discuss the one thing the child has done wrong now, instead of finding out all the mistakes the child made in the past. You should speak well without exaggerating the seriousness of the matter. Don\’t make the child\’s mistake this time to the point where he is in trouble and there is no hope for his future, because in this way the child will inevitably feel wronged, misunderstood, and panicked and scared. , and become angry, disappointed, and alienated from their parents. I obviously just broke a toy. Mom, how could you say I have no future? I\’m obviously just late. Mom, why do you say I\’m stupid and stupid and can\’t compare to other people\’s children? I obviously just lost my things because I didn\’t care. Mom, why are you so angry? Do you not love me anymore? Children are very young and very naive. They cannot identify the starting point behind things like adults. They just regard what they hear and see as facts. So how do you speak well when emotions come? First of all, talk more about me and less about you. When your child makes a mistake, talk more about your emotions and feelings. For example, if your child comes home late, you should say that you came home late and your mother is so worried about you, instead of why are you back so late? Because once the arrow is pointed at the child, it can easily become an accusation against the child, and the child will inevitably resist. When you are angry, take a deep breath for fifteen seconds. When you want to yell, take a deep breath for fifteen seconds.During these fifteen seconds, you can try to observe yourself to see if you are really angry because your child did something wrong, or if you are just too tired from work today and have conflicts with your friends, so you are using your child as a punching bag. Always remember your goals. What is the ultimate purpose of blaming and scolding your children? Is it to vent your emotions, or is it to make your children correct their mistakes and become better? Whenever you want to lose control, you must remember your true purpose. , which can help restore your sanity and sobriety. Lu Xun said: \”Tragedy is the destruction of valuable things in life for others to see.\” The greater tragedy is that some priceless things have been destroyed, but no one sees it. Don\’t let our unintentional words become harm. The child\’s spiritual butcher\’s knife. From today on, speak well, not only to your children, but also to your loved ones, and to everyone.