If you don\’t talk well, what\’s the use even if it\’s really \”for the good of the children\”?

I took Liuliu to art class that day. There were other training classes in that building. While waiting for her outside the classroom door, there was a moderate commotion from the piano class. It was a girl of about seven or eight years old, standing at the door of the classroom with her head lowered. The person next to her who looked like her mother stood in front of her with her hands folded, and kept scolding her: \”Did you go out with your brains? Don\’t you know how to play this?\” \”The teacher can\’t stand you and asked you to come out. Isn\’t it a shame?\” It can be seen that the girl\’s mood has become unstable because of her mother\’s scolding. Her fists are tightly clenched, but the mother is still scolding her: \”If you are so careless, then don\’t learn. It\’s easy to make money. Really? Did you let you waste it like this?\” The girl\’s head dropped lower and lower, and finally she couldn\’t help crying, her shoulders kept shaking, and her mother, who was still scolding her, noticed her strangeness, sighed and did not continue. , holding her shoulders to comfort: \”Isn\’t this just for you, okay? You are about to take the exam, how can you keep making such low-level mistakes?\” \”I brought you to practice piano after work without even taking a sip of water, so The hard work is not for you.\” However, can you just curse at your child \”for your own good\”? Everyone makes mistakes, not to mention such an old child who already has a sense of shame and knows how to save face. How could she bear being scolded in public? What\’s more serious is that the people closest to her insult and deny her. Even if the starting point is for her own good, can she accept the opinion? We are always tolerant and polite to outsiders, but we like to use the sharpest words to communicate with those closest to us. Even if the intention is not to ridicule, the harm caused by hitting the nail on the head is real. We could have asked the child the reason: \”What happened today? Didn\’t you pay attention to practicing?\” But we chose to hit the child recklessly: \”You have practiced a hundred times and still made mistakes, can you be any more stupid?\” We are very busy. , very tired. When we encounter children\’s problems, we hope to solve them quickly, but we don\’t realize that simple and crude communication methods often only kill the close relationship with our children. You can speak nicely, but you have to use the most hurtful words to express yourself. Even if I know that you are doing it for my own good, but if you don\’t speak nicely, I just feel hurt more, but I can\’t listen to your reason or see your good intentions. Many times when people talk to each other, even if they are not malicious, they are always a bit mean. If you take it seriously, you will be yelled back: \”You can\’t take a joke, I just said it casually.\” However, when my friend was chatting with me some time ago, he mentioned such a trivial matter. Her child is over three years old and is at the stage where he can imitate others in speech. My friend was a carefree person, and he would speak unobtrusively when talking to his children: \”You are sick, why did you climb so high? What should you do if you fall?\” Until one day, when the family was together, she was drinking water. I accidentally choked and coughed wildly. Her husband patted her back and said to the child: \”Look at how stupid your mother is, comfort her.\” The child\’s reaction surprised her: \”You are sick, why are you drinking so fast?\” Her throat hurt. , but the child\’s childish words made her even more uncomfortable. When did the child learn to talk like this?! But looking at the child\’s innocent and calm eyes, she didn\’t know what to say. Reflecting on the way he communicates with his children, his friend said: For the first time, I regretted my carelessness. In fact, the child is not very clear whether there is something wrong in her words. She just heard the adults say this and subconsciously applied it to her own language environment. However, once this kind of \”verbal violence\” mixed with disgust becomes a habit, it may only hurt others without them realizing it. Some people may say, why should a family speak so politely? But speaking well does not mean being polite and distant, but using appropriate language to express our care and kindness. The warmth and power brought by a suitable word far outweighs the negative energy of urging. Concubine Hua\’s vicious style of painting may have interesting reactions when adults joke about it, and everyone laughs. But for children who are not familiar with the world, they cannot hear the meaning of complaining. If one day you are sick and want to hear comfort from your child, and she brings you a glass of warm water, but instead throws the words \”Bitch is a coward,\” I wonder if your mood will be very complicated. Many times, the more you focus on the people closest to you, such as your lover, children, and parents. On the contrary, we become more and more stingy with our patience, saying sarcastically, \”Didn\’t you see that I was busy?\” When seeing problems with our children, we scold them indiscriminately: \”Are you a pig?\” When we have a disagreement with our lover, we blurt out: \”This is something. If you can\’t do it well, what use are you?\” He is good-tempered to outsiders, but always thorny to his own people. This is a habit shared by many people. We all have our own emotions, but even if we are unhappy, it is other people or other things that make us unhappy, not the loved ones around us. The reason why we dare to vent our emotions so unscrupulously is just because of \” I\’m telling you for your own good\”, but I\’m just confident that \”even if I say something wrong, they will forgive me.\” However, if we love each other, how can we be willing to hurt each other again and again? The closest people often want to feel as happy as a spring breeze. I hope we all learn to speak well to the people we love the most. Otherwise, even if it is \”for your own good\”, who will listen? Therefore, instead of talking about how we hope our children will be treated gently by the years, we should first learn to speak well and use the most sincere words to express our patience and best kindness.