If you don’t tell your children these 5 words, no one will tell them in your life (recommended)

In an issue of \”Round Table School\”, guests discussed a phenomenon – \”Why are our children becoming more and more vulnerable?\” Among them, teacher Zhou Yijun\’s analysis was very insightful. She said that all over the world, children are not very resilient to stress. An American sociologist even wrote a book about this, \”How Steel Wasn\’t Tempered.\” Zhou Yijun summarized three reasons: First, parents today are too protective of their children and are reluctant to let them experience reality. Second, the repeated emphasis on \”feelings\” causes children to only do things they like and reject anything that makes them unhappy. The third and worst thing is to instill a \”polarized\” value system in children, roughly dividing people into good and bad, successful and failed. In other words, we first created an information cocoon for our children, and then left them with a lack of restraint and confusion about the future. Therefore, if you don\’t let your child know some realities, his growth can only be blind. Especially the following aspects, if you don’t tell them, the children will never know. Parents can stay with you for a while but not for a lifetime. Writer Wang Guozhen once said: \”Opportunities must be fought for by oneself; destiny must be grasped by oneself; life is one\’s own drawing board.\” Everyone has to rely on themselves step by step in their life. Come out. We can help our children plan a route and clear away obstacles, but it is difficult to protect them for a lifetime. Facing the harshness of reality is a required course that children cannot escape. I have a cousin who is a vegetable farmer. Every summer, when study tour groups are popular, he also takes his son on alternative study tours. That is to let children enter the vegetable garden, select vegetables, package them, and contact dealers. He also asked his son to follow him to deliver goods and handle various business matters. Once, a middleman lowered the price very low, but later sold it at a premium of several times. The son was very angry and wanted to argue with the other party, but was stopped by his father. The father said earnestly: \”If you go to find him, this person will take away our right to supply, and the loss will be greater than now. Not only can we not argue, but we have to greet him with a smile.\” The son was indignant and complained: \”People are really We are greedy, but we have to work harder…\” My father smiled and said, \”Slowly you will understand that life is not easy, and people\’s hearts are even harder to understand.\” I very much agree with my cousin\’s approach. It is more meaningful to drag your child into reality than to spend money to bring your child to the world. It is to let him see clearly the way of the world and the human heart, and to let him understand the complexity of the world. If you don’t tell your child these words in advance, he will step into society like a blank piece of paper. What awaits him will be blows and disappointments again and again. Raising children requires a sense of the future. Our ultimate goal is not to protect our children under our wings, but to let them grow wings that can fly. Learning can be driven by heteronomy, but a happy life depends on self-discipline. A friend who is a teacher shared a story. When I was the third class teacher, there was a child in her class who was very partial to subjects. No matter how you write Chinese composition, you can\’t get good marks. She tutored the child alone and formulated a strict pen practice plan for him. Parents are also required to monitor and provide feedback every day. After one semester, the child\’s grades improved. But the parents came to her and talked about some changes in their children. It surprised her very much. Since this child has grown upAfter his performance improved, he actually began to imitate her way and manage himself. The children made a schedule, insisted on getting up early to exercise, and read before going to bed; they also made clear their annual goals and planned their time allocation throughout the year. The procrastinating, listless little boy he once was is now determined and driven. My parents were very grateful, and my friend was even more pleased. She said to me: \”Learning can be driven by other disciplines, but a happy life depends on self-discipline.\” I think this is what is often said in education between \”extrinsic motivation\” and \”Intrinsic motivation\”. No child is born self-conscious, so parents and teachers must guide them. However, external supervision is always limited. Fundamentally, the inner desire of the child must be awakened. Teacher Li Meijin said: \”Self-discipline is not forced, it is cultivated.\” First, let the child have a successful experience through heterodiscipline, and then encourage and guide him to enter the virtuous circle set by himself. Don’t blindly push and pressure, give your child some autonomy and activate his inner energy. And these good habits and self-discipline abilities will transform into strong competitiveness when children grow up. The one you like controls you and the one who restricts you protects you. A while ago, I took the high-speed rail back to my hometown with my children. Sitting behind us was a teenage boy wearing glasses. From the moment he got in the car, the child kept playing with the adult\’s mobile phone. One moment I\’m watching videos, another I\’m playing games, and another I\’m watching movies, it\’s a great time. During this period, his mother said several times, \”Stop playing, you are highly myopic.\” But the child was like deafness, unable to hear at all. My mother tried to grab the phone a few more times, but failed every time. Because as soon as the phone was taken away, the child became irritable and lost his temper and threw things. In order to keep the child quiet, the mother can only give him the phone again. In fact, we are most familiar with this kind of picture. In the Internet age, low-level entertainment has long penetrated into children\’s lives. This is like the \”nipple music theory\” proposed by American diplomat Brzezinski. Our children are also being controlled by algorithms and become addicted to entertainment. Therefore, you need to explain to your children in advance that what you are addicted to is controlling you. Those funny videos and brainwashing songs are like hooks, firmly grabbing people\’s energy. For children, the deeper harm is the impact on their brains. Studies have long proven that low-level entertainment can cause the deterioration of the prefrontal lobe function of children\’s brains. And this harm is irreversible. For the sake of our children\’s future, we must not sit still and wait for death. They must establish a sense of rules early and learn self-discipline. It ranges from restraint on mobile phones, games, and low-level entertainment to the establishment of behavioral norms and safety awareness in public places. Specifically, the principles must be clear and reminded repeatedly, but also step by step, with rewards and punishments. Teach children to restrain their desires and let them understand the scale of doing things. This is how we are responsible for them. It’s not that you become sensible when you grow up, it’s that you grow up when you become sensible. In the past few days, a video of a Shandong boy beating his own mother has gone viral. In full view of everyone, the child first pushed his mother and then kicked her to the ground. Others came to persuade him, but after hearing this, the young man became even more unscrupulous and said he would call the police if he had the ability. This thing makes me very worried. Do you think this mother is pitiful?, but she taught the child; you may say that this child is not sensible, but he is not young at all. In the past, I always thought that if children were young and ignorant, it would be fine when they grow up. But countless facts prove that age is not an absolute factor. Without character education, no matter how old a child is, he will still be a giant baby who is ungrateful. There is a definition of \”teaching\” in \”Book of Rites·Xue Ji\”. \”Those who teach will develop good deeds and save those who have lost.\” It means to cultivate children\’s good deeds and remedy their faults. Raising a child is not only to allow him to develop normally physically, but more importantly, to cultivate his moral character. Starting from being filial to parents and respecting elders, cultivate children\’s attitude of being courteous, cautious and honest. Then expand to altruistic thinking, planting the seeds of compassion and tolerance in their hearts. Finally, it is learning knowledge. Put being a human being before learning, and never put the cart before the horse. There are many standards for success. My daughter, a child who allows children to do different things, once asked me: \”If you don\’t get good grades, are you a failure?\” I wanted to say that as a student, the criterion for measuring your success is your grades. But then I thought about it, is this standard really so single? Just like me now, I have not achieved success in the worldly sense, but I am still living a pleasant life. I live in Shandong, the province of Kao Gong University. When I first graduated, my family also wanted me to join the establishment and work as a part-time official. But I tried several times and failed to pass the exam. I couldn\’t pass the exam because I couldn\’t pass the exam. So I worked in an accounting firm for a few years, and now I work as a freelance writer. I\’m not a successful person, but I still get by. I run my own hobbies and can make money to support myself. I am very self-consistent. Thinking of this, I said to my daughter: \”There is no single criterion for success, and it doesn\’t matter if you can\’t be a top student. As long as you live seriously, work actively, never give up your pursuit, and are always enthusiastic, your future will be good.\” I like the writer very much. Thoreau said: \”There are as many paths to life as you can draw from the center of the circle.\” There are countless radii in a circle, and there should be millions of choices in life. Allow the child to be himself, and allow him not to have to be \”someone else\’s child.\” I think this is love. At the end of writing, I discussed with readers backstage how to best protect children. Some mothers said that you should take good care of your child\’s life so that others can see that she is a well-raised child; some fathers said that you should eat more and exercise more to make your children strong and outperform their peers; and others He said that we should work hard to make money and give our children better material conditions. Every sentence, every word, contains love and expectation, which makes me very moved. But one reader\’s reply left a deep impression on me. He said: The best protection for a child is to let him see reality clearly, learn to behave in the world, and understand the world and people\’s hearts. It is to give him the ability to settle down in a complex society, the wisdom to distinguish between good and evil, and the ability to support himself. Yes, that\’s true. We can\’t stay with our children for a lifetime, so let\’s pass on our experience to him. How to do things, how to treat people, how to treat yourself. Once we learn these things, our children will be worry-free for the rest of their lives, which will make us feel at ease. Encourage this with parents and friends.