If you want your children to develop awesome self-care skills, all talk about patience is nonsense.

Mao Tou is six years old and has recently learned to take a bath by himself. What I did was to adjust the temperature of the water in the shower head. Mao Tou undressed by himself, washed his hair and body by himself, then turned off the faucet, dried himself, and then went in by himself. I put on clean clothes in the room and it was done in one go. I just had to lean on the sofa with my feet up and wait, and a clean and sweet-smelling baby appeared automatically. I gave him a bath for nearly 4,000 days in six years, and now he is finally free. It’s really great! So far, except for brushing his teeth (the dentist said he must be brushed until he is 8 years old), I have given up on basically everything about him. At the age of 1, he started to eat by himself. At the age of 2, he began to put on and take off his clothes, put on and take off his shoes, put away toys, and take out the garbage. At the age of 3, he got in and out of the car by himself, fastened his seat belt, washed his hands and face, and wiped his butt by himself. At the age of 4, he learned to tidy the room, make the bed, and fold clothes. 5 I know how to sweep the floor, clean the table, and coax my sister to play. In fact, I should have learned how to bathe myself earlier. However, this child is quite sensitive and has always been afraid of water on his face. It was not until he gradually desensitized in this aspect in the past year that I began to consciously encourage him to do so. wash. I think the next step is for him to learn to use the microwave to make breakfast for myself and my sister. Wow, free child labor should be used as soon as possible! When it comes to cultivating children\’s self-care ability, there will be many articles saying that you must be patient, know how to let your children do more, don\’t be afraid of their children\’s failure, encourage them more, blah blah ~ there are enough of these reasonable nonsense, as if no one knows Yes, but when I really see the child twisting and turning, messing around, slowly tumbling around, playing while doing it, and screaming when he can\’t do it well, his eyes are on fire and his head is smoking. I just want to finish this nightmare for him quickly. In the past, I posted a GIF of our little one-year-old eating by himself. It looked like this: Everyone praised him in the comments for eating well, but what you don’t know is that he spends about two-thirds of the time eating. This kind of person: ▲ Drop the spoon ▲ Then pick up the rice grains one by one into the bowl, and watch him pick up the spoon crookedly, knock it over absentmindedly, pick up the food slowly, the rice gets cold little by little, without force The disease was also forced out of him, and he was so anxious that he felt like there were hundreds of caterpillars squirming together, just wanting to scratch the wall! I know intellectually that this is a process for children to learn and explore. It is normal to make mistakes. I know that he needs this kind of slow exercise. But it\’s one thing to understand the truth rationally, and it\’s another thing to watch him do it like this. I have a patience higher than the mountains and deeper than the sea, but I can\’t stand your torture! Even if you don\’t stop it, it is inevitable to say something mean: Oh, you are sure, why did you drop it again? Hurry up and eat it, hurry up, don\’t pick it up, it will be cold, do you still want to eat it? … But from a child\’s point of view, he is also very desperate, okay? He was struggling with himself, and it was already very difficult. There were always people around him nagging and gibbering, saying that he was like this. If you don\’t do it right, if it doesn\’t work well, what kind of sour feeling will it feel? Don\’t talk about anything else, when I was cooking, my mother was nagging next to me, and I was so annoyed that I had violent impulses! The annoying result is that the children either yell and protest and rebel: Are you finished?! Either break the jar and break it down: I can\’t do it, you can, you can you up, come and feed me until the end of the world! You said I wouldn\’t be such a mean-mouthed person. I\’m very patient and only encourage you positively. When my child was practicing, I just acted as a cheerleader for him and kept saying, \”Come on,\” \”Great,\” \”You\’re doing really well.\” \”Okay\”, this should give your child the motivation to do better! NO NO NO! Many sensitive children are also very resistant to this kind of praise, and will get angry with it instead. If a child is in the process of practicing a certain self-care skill, he knows in his heart what kind of virtue he will achieve. Even though he knows that he has not yet reached the \”good\” standard, if you say that he is good at this time, he will know how to do it. I feel ashamed. Secondly, I feel very stressed. I have already been praised like this. If I don’t do well, I will be embarrassed. I am afraid of failure. This will put a heavy psychological burden on me. I will be more likely to fail in practice. If I have a slight tendency to fail, I will want to give up. , to avoid the pressure of being praised. In fact, even if you don\’t say anything and just stare with earnest eyes, the pressure is still huge. Therefore, if you want your children to learn new skills, so-called patience and encouragement are of no use. You can only use the ultimate six-word motto – out of sight, out of mind! No matter what you practice, just explain and demonstrate it once, and then exit gracefully, leaving the child to figure out on his own. Be sure to control yourself and don\’t look! Don\’t look! ! Don\’t look at it! ! ! At most, take a look occasionally to see if there are any safety issues, and then stop immediately. The process of your child\’s exploration can really drive people crazy. Most people can\’t stand it after seeing it too much, especially mothers with obsessive-compulsive disorder in Virgo. If they accidentally put that It would be very scary if the big monster called \”control desire\” is released! Specifically, click on this popular old article \”Why are so many people still obsessed with this obviously unreliable parenting method?\” I usually encourage parents to spend quality time with their children, and turn off their mobile phones when playing with them. But in the process of children learning to take care of themselves, it is a good way for parents to look at their mobile phones to relieve anxiety. As long as your child is practicing self-care skills, you should quickly put up the phone and successfully divert your attention. If the child is not asking for help, be sure not to take your eyes away from the phone until you see the child showing off to you after he is done. , you need to put down your phone immediately and show a shocked expression for the best effect. My Maotou eats, dresses, goes to the toilet, and takes a bath. In fact, these things are all learned by me through constant practice. I can only demonstrate them at the beginning. I have never learned exactly when he learned it and how he learned it. People who haven\’t seen the process always feel like he has grown up suddenly. Of course, there are many costs for letting your child explore on his own: Needless to say, when he eats, he eats all over his body, face, floor, and walls. When I was practicing dressing, I often had to put on and take off my clothes, which took a very long time. I got a headache every time I went out. When I was practicing wiping my butt, I could use half a roll of toilet paper every time. One time, I even clogged the toilet. I was also very drunk. When I was practicing taking a bath, I ran out with the foam on my head several times and felt that I was quite clean. But these are temporary, temporary, just don’t be mean, don’t interfere, be out of sight, out of mind, your child won’t be hit, and he will learn much faster than you think! As the old saying goes, \”People have faces and trees have bark.\” In fact, everyone doesn\’t want others to see themselves in a bad way, even the closest and most beloved people. This is especially true for children. They often have great self-esteem and don\’t want their parents to see that they are not doing well. But when children begin to learn and practice various self-care skills, they always do not get it right at the beginning. Children at this time are very sensitive and fragile. What they need is not correction, help, advice, nor gratuitous praise and encouragement. , in fact, what they need most at this time is space to be alone. To put it bluntly, he most hopes that you can ignore him, ignore all his clumsiness and badness, ignore his embarrassment and struggle. What he hopes his parents will see is that he suddenly transforms like a superhero and becomes a better, more adult-like person. The surprised expressions of parents are actually the greatest reward for them. Finally, to sum up, there are several steps to cultivate children\’s self-care ability: 1. Demonstrate frequently so that children have an idea of ​​how to do it. 2. Find opportunities to let go and give children the opportunity to try and explore. 3. Browse your mobile phone without seeing your heart. Don’t be annoyed and don’t pay attention to the child’s practice process. 4. If the child takes the initiative to ask for your help, you can help appropriately, but if you can help less, help less. 5. Every time the child shows it to you after he has finished, give it to him. A shocked expression and a big hug. You see, it’s actually very simple. The most important thing is not to be patient, but to interfere less! The less you do, the more your child will do. Self-care ability is actually an indicator of a child\’s fine motor ability. Children who are mentally talented and have excellent self-care ability will never be stupid. In order for our children to develop themselves better, and for mothers to get rid of the \”servant\” role as soon as possible, let us work hard to check our mobile phones for a while, so that our children can happily experience the fun of the \”independence\” process!