Is communication in the parent-child relationship not smooth because the parents are unqualified?

Yesterday\’s article \”Child, I heard that you have blocked your parents\’ circle of friends?\” 》, it talks about some children simply blocking their parents’ circle of friends because they are annoyed. What surprises me is the tendency of some messages. Many people believe that poor communication in the parent-child relationship is not because the children cannot understand their parents’ painstaking efforts, but because the parents cannot. Keeping pace with the times, we have not developed good communication habits with our children from an early age. When I saw these messages, I wanted to ask: Dear, do you know the words \”rebellious period\”? Some readers left messages saying that parents’ ideas are old-fashioned and outdated, and it is normal for children to choose to ignore them. They should not kidnap their children morally at every turn. Moral kidnapping? Is it moral kidnapping to just persuade children to understand a little of their parents\’ painstaking efforts and let them understand the original intention behind the \”inappropriate\” expression that may not be appropriate? Isn\’t this a bit of a slap in the face? Another reader left a message: Your article is very suitable for the elderly after retirement, thank you. I don’t know the age structure of this reader. If he is really a retired old man, then his message makes me very happy. Today’s self-media arena is dominated by young people. How many people will speak out for middle-aged people? How many people can put themselves in the shoes of the elderly? Have you ever seen how many of those popular articles on the Internet are not unconventional? How many of them are not catering to the preferences of young people? The age level of the speaking subjects determines that the mainstream of the Internet arena is dominated by young people. Under such circumstances, there are very few people who speak out for middle-aged parents or elderly parents. It is also for this reason that there are problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the mother-in-law becomes the target of public criticism. There is a problem in the parent-child relationship, and the parents who have endured so much hardship have become the target of a barrage of arrows. Take the public conflict between Jane Zhang and her mother as an example. The mother who finally accepted the decision was the mother who had raised her daughter as a single parent for many years and did not even give her a chance to attend her daughter\’s wedding. How many people have accused Liangying’s mother of educational mistakes, how many people have discussed the root cause of the imbalance in their parent-child relationship, and everyone pretends to be an expert and talks about it. From a purely theoretical point of view, all of them can be regarded as experts in parent-child relationships. The family is in trouble, but everyone has forgotten the most fundamental point: the love to protect the calf and the kindness to feed back are natural, and we should talk about love, not just reason. I have been emphasizing that children should understand their parents’ painstaking efforts because I am a mother and I can understand the blind, confused and deep love of parents in the process of raising their children. Not every pair of parents are gods, and no parents are born perfect. Parents are treated well by their children, not because they do everything right at all times, but because of the nature of their children. Children who know how to be considerate and tolerant of their parents do not mean that their parents are outstanding, but that their children are outstanding. She is so outstanding that she has a higher position than her parents, and can recognize her parents from a pampering perspective. In the same way, for those who trace back to the root of their parents and describe how bad their parents are, they cannot be sure whether the parents did not do enough. What is certain is that selfishness, paranoia, and indifference account for a large proportion of the child\’s nature. In the same circle of friends, some children choose to block their parents, while others choose to accept them. Reader Xiao Qing left a message in the background after reading yesterday\’s article. Her mother also reads some health care articles every day. She is worried that she won\’t read them. Every time she posts an article, she has to remind her daughter.Son. Xiaoqing is a paid employee of the company. She leaves early and comes back late every day. She is neither interested in nor has time to read the chicken soup posted by her mother. However, she will like every post in her mother\’s circle of friends as long as she has time. \”I\’m busy at work, I don\’t go home often, and my father is gone. I miss my mother very much. It\’s not practical to call me every day. Thanks to Moments. I often understand my mother\’s mood from Moments. When I\’m in a good mood, she posts Chicken soup is the happy type. When I am in a bad mood, I will feel sad. Whenever this happens, I will call her quickly.\” Meizi\’s reason for accepting her parents\’ friend circle is different from Xiaoqing\’s. She and her parents live in the same small town and see each other every week. Even so, her parents, who play WeChat, still send some chicken soup to their daughter in WeChat Moments from time to time. A few days ago, Meizi and her husband had a fight. When her parents found out, they found dozens of articles about how couples get along, and posted them to Moments one after another. \”The articles they posted are actually not instructive, but after seeing those articles, my heart warmed. There are so many friends in the WeChat circle, how many people would care about me all the time with me as the only center like my parents. Face to face. I am often impatient when communicating, but giving them a like on their circle of friends does not require much patience. When they saw my like, they thought I had accepted those concepts, and they seemed to feel relieved all of a sudden. We are older, and my parents When we are old, why not coax them like children?\” Xiaoqing and Meizi\’s replies made me feel warm, but Qingshan\’s message made me feel embarrassed. \”My father used to post chicken soup in the circle of friends. The things he posted were outdated, old-fashioned, and extremely childish. Later I blocked him. Last winter, an accident took away my father\’s life. From then on , there is no need to deliberately block it. There are no more comments from my father in my circle of friends. No one knows how sad this blankness is for me. Now I just like to browse my wife’s circle of friends when I have nothing to do, not to spy on her. Privacy, but reading those chicken soup articles written by my father-in-law and mother-in-law. Every time I see those articles, I can\’t help but think, how wonderful it would be if my father was still alive…\” The child understands the parents\’ heart, but the parents are no longer there. , this feeling is the same as the pain of wanting to raise a child but not being able to care for him. Two days ago, my aunt from my hometown told me very happily that her cousin was going to take her to travel to the south: \”It costs money and is burdensome. I said I couldn\’t go, but she refused to listen. No, the air tickets have been booked.\” My daughter said this Filial piety, according to popular opinion, must cultivate a good parent-child relationship since childhood. In fact, my aunt, who had little education, gave my cousin an extensive education since she was a child. She would hit her whenever she wanted and scold her whenever she wanted. After graduating from fifth grade, she was admitted to junior high school. Due to family difficulties and a tendency to favor boys over girls, her aunt did not allow her cousin, who had excellent grades, to continue going to school. Instead, she pooled the family\’s efforts to support her cousin in high school. Later, my cousin was admitted to college and immediately persuaded my aunt to let my sister go back to school, so that my cousin was able to complete her studies. Such a growing environment is definitely a scar that cannot be healed for those selfish and narrow-minded children, and it is definitely a sufficient reason to neglect their harsh parents. But my cousin did not do this. The family was in financial difficulty and her job was difficult.After she started working, she took care of her family a lot. Now that the working environment is a little better, I have to take my aunt on a trip again. Speaking of which, do many people think that my cousin has a gold collar? In fact, she is just an ordinary Beijing drifter, her salary is not high, she usually lives frugally, but she still has her parents in her heart, and it doesn\’t matter how much money she has. Xiaolin is an only child and has been supported by her parents since she was a child. Xiaolin\’s parents are both teachers, and they have their own methods and principles of educating children. The parent-child relationship was smooth before high school, but in high school, Xiaolin entered a rebellious period, and her originally upright little seedling suddenly grew crooked. She failed in the college entrance examination and her parents asked her to repeat the exam, but she refused to do so. Unable to resist their child, her parents finally had no choice but to let Xiaolin study in a third-tier college. It’s very hard to find a good job after four years of college graduation. Unable to survive outside, her parents tried to find connections and reluctantly sent Xiaolin to a local company. Due to her own personality problems and her mediocre abilities, Xiaolin\’s work did not go smoothly. When her parents communicated with her, she couldn\’t listen to anything. Instead, she criticized her parents: \”If you didn\’t let me read three books, I wouldn\’t be where I am today.\” Her parents looked at each other and were speechless. They had spent so much money on their children to repeat the reading. How strong is it? She refused to listen and insisted on having her own way. Why is it now her parents\’ responsibility? But Xiaolin didn\’t mention herself. She attributed all the failures in life to her parents\’ disadvantages. Every time I heard her criticize her parents, I was particularly speechless. For such a child, the parents have put in enough effort, but so what, should they be dissatisfied or dissatisfied, should they be cold or cold? I have seen many examples like Xiaolin\’s and my cousin\’s, and it has confirmed my point of view: Whether a child can be considerate of his or her parents has nothing to do with what the parents are like. What matters is the nature of the child. Therefore, don’t easily link whether a good parent-child relationship is good or not with whether the parents are qualified. If a child has a critical and critical heart, even if the parents are gods, they will find a lot of faults. If children are kind and considerate, even if their parents are humble and confused, they will still be treated with tolerance and love. What determines a child\’s attributes? In addition to genetics and nature, the child\’s acquired vision, pattern and understanding are crucial. The parent-child relationship is just one of them.