Let me teach you a trick so you don’t always regret losing your temper with your children.

The reason why we are who we are today is formed by our past growth environment, native family and parental education. Therefore, in the process of interacting with children, we will inevitably show the strength accumulated in our growth, which has advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, we hope to cut off the incorrect forces passed down in family education in the past, and pass on the educational concepts we have relearned and been exposed to to our children, so that their life paths will be smoother and more fulfilling. Why do you have different emotional reactions to the same thing? Hello everyone, you can think about the relationship between your emotions and the state you are in when you deal with conflicts with your children in daily life: the child does the same thing, but your state, emotion, and appeal are different. The reaction may be completely different. For example: A child leaves toys all over the floor. Scenario 1: Today, my best friend came to your house to play with her children. The two children had a great time, and their toys were scattered all over the floor. According to daily requirements, you can ask your child to put all the toys back to their original places. However, you had a very happy chat with your best friend today. Therefore, when you saw the toys here, you didn\’t bother about it and put away the toys while talking. Scenario 2: You had a particularly bad day at work and were criticized by your boss. In this matter, 20% of the responsibility lies with you, and the remaining 80% lies with your direct superior. However, your boss has not given you a chance to explain at all, and you feel very aggrieved. Returned home in an extremely depressed state. When I opened the door, I saw my son\’s toys scattered all over the floor. The first thing you might say is: Xiao Ming, why didn’t you collect the toys? If the child does not hear the emotion in your tone and does not respond directly to you, then the grievances and depression you have suffered throughout the day will erupt like a volcano and start venting to the child endlessly. Scenario 3: You had a great time shopping today and bought a skirt you particularly liked. When you got home, you were in a good mood and suddenly saw toys scattered on the ground. The first thing you will definitely say to your child is: Xiao Ming, why didn’t you collect the toys today? The child was watching TV and did not pay attention to you in time. But because you are in a good mood at the moment and do not show your emotions immediately, your idea is that the child is a bit undisciplined today; when your happy mood has passed, the child has not collected the toys, which arouses your negative emotions, but you are still kind He reminded the child that he had just finished watching the cartoon and put away the toys. At this moment, you will feel that today is going well. The child did not collect the toys, and it did not add too many negative or positive emotions to your mood. We found that the matter of not collecting toys has not changed, but each of us is in a different emotional state at that moment, and carries different energy states and demands, so we will deal with it in completely different ways. Is it difficult to control your emotions? Many female friends will say this when chatting with me: It’s really not that they don’t want to control their temper, but that they are completely unable to control it at that time. I have a particularly good way to understand our own emotions, which is: you have to learn to stop and breathe and feel your own body. When we pay attention to our breathing, we will pull many of the consciousness and thoughts projected outwards inward; we will pay attention to the emotions surging inside ourselves, rather than the people or things outside that arouse our emotions. Once you start doing this, you can start thinking: What makes me angry? What makes me angry? What makes me unable to control my emotions at this moment? If you can do this, you have found your own benefit point from the conflict with your child, but this benefit point will not really help you or your child. You have to think further: What really exists behind this benefit point is your inner need. So what kind of need is it? Because in the process of growing up, each of us has to establish our own feelings of value and need for love. In childhood, if these two basic needs are missing, people will excessively seek approval from the outside and project it on the child. Now you can also feel it: every time you have a conflict with your child, is it very similar to a certain scene you experienced when you were a child? Once we can feel that the current state is related to the inner growth memory, we will correct the damage we have experienced internally. Five-Step Emotion Tracking Method Here I will introduce to you a method called the emotion tracking method, which has a total of five sections. The first section is about the incident itself. Today you had a conflict with your child over something, but when your emotions return to the edge of reason, you can start recording it. You first take out a piece of paper and record the event, including the time, place, and content of the event. For example, if the child did not collect the toys, it can be recorded as follows: Time: April 18; Location: Living room at home; Event content: When I came in after work, I saw that the child did not collect the toys, and then I got angry. The second section is to record your reactions. Your reactions include physical reactions, emotional reactions, and your inner thoughts about the process. In the event of collecting toys, three reactions can be recorded as follows: Physical reaction: You held your hands on your chest; Emotional reaction: You were furious because the toys were all over the place, but the child was still watching TV; Inner thoughts of upgrading: This child was completely He has no sense of responsibility and he never listens to the things I tell him repeatedly. The third section is to respond to the events you trigger. The third section is to respond to the events you trigger. This section includes two parts, one is what you did, and the other is what the child did to the things you did. For example: what did you do: yell, scold the child, then turn off the TV and let the child collect the toys; what did the child do: the child\’s reaction was to cry. The fourth section is to record the subsequent situation. This module is to record how you feel and how your children feel after you lose control of your emotions. For example, after losing control of your emotions, you can record the following events like this: Your feelings: I feel very regretful. There is no need to be so angry about this matter. You can just talk to your child about it; Your child’s feelings: The child feels very frustrated and wronged. Later, After he put away his toys, he found it boring and didn’t want to watch TV or pay attention to you. fifth boardBlock is to evaluate this matter. When you calm down, you can evaluate whether there are other ways to handle the incident, that is, not collecting the toys. Is there any other way? For example: Can you give your child a choice? You can let your child choose: collect the toys after watching TV or collect the toys now? This way of choosing is much better than yelling at him. Of course, you can also think about whether there are other better ways to handle this matter. The entire emotion tracking method is composed of these five parts. If you keep detailed records every time you lose control of your emotions, you will find that there are fewer and fewer states of losing control of your emotions. Because the prerequisite for all things to change is to see it, acknowledge it, and accept it, and only then can it change or disappear from our lives.