Oh my god, the kid started stealing! What should I do if I steal needles when I\’m young and gold when I\’m big? !

There is a joke on the Internet about a woman coming out of a supermarket, and the security guard asked her what was in her bulging coat. She said angrily: \”Meat, sister\’s meat!\” I was watching the music, and my son came to me and asked me what I was enjoying. I told him the joke, and he asked me: \”Does the security guard think she stole something?\” I said: \”Yes.\” Then I took the opportunity to say to him: \”If you have something you want, you must first Discuss it with mom and dad. It’s not allowed to take it away without permission.” I suddenly remembered that a few days ago, a mother in a reading group told me about her daughter Xiao Xiami. Little Xiami, who is over 1 year old, has big eyes and walks a little unsteadily, but he likes to walk around. When he sees his friends’ interesting toys, he puts them in his mother’s bag and takes them as his own. Xiami\’s mother had a headache, which also made her feel embarrassed in front of her friends\’ parents. She felt that she had not educated her children well, and she started \”stealing things\” when she was just over one year old. Every time, Xiami patiently told Xiami a lot of truths, but Xiami ignored it completely. The next time she saw the toy she liked, she did it the same way. Once he stopped her, she burst into tears. Xiami\’s father felt that his mother was spoiling the child, and once he even quarreled with Xiami\’s mother in public, and said sternly to Xiao Xiami: \”I\’ll beat you if you steal other people\’s things again!\” But Xiao Xiami seemed to be \”brave\”, and her mother was reasonable. Her father\’s warnings had no effect on her. Children under the age of 2 have no concept of property rights. Obviously, Xiao Xiami’s father and mother did not understand what was going on with Xiao Xiami, and Xiao Xiami also did not understand why her parents stopped her. In fact, children before the age of 2 will take for granted that everything they see belongs to them, and there is no clear distinction between what is mine and what is yours, that is, there is no concept of property rights. Not just Xiami Mom, many parents will see that children of this age will step forward without any sense of disobedience when faced with something they like, whether it is in a public place or in the hands of other children. Just take it away without caring about the expressions of surprise, confusion or attempts to stop others. In this situation, have parents remembered the saying: \”What\’s mine is mine, and what\’s yours is still mine.\” When parents let their children go back, they usually feel aggrieved, as if they have been returned What goes back is really their own toys. How to do? The behavior of children before/around 2 years old who takes other people\’s things as their own is not considered stealing. And preaching to children this age is generally unhelpful. Parents can divert their children\’s attention, such as playing games with them, to temporarily prevent them from paying attention to toys that do not belong to them. If a child can get fun from other things, then he will not take other people\’s things. It is not advisable for Xiami dad to threaten his children like that before. Another point that must not be forgotten is that once a child takes something belonging to another child, parents should immediately apologize to the other parent and explain clearly. This also serves as an example to the children. The concept of property rights is gradually established at the age of 3-4. With the development of children\’s cognition, after the age of 3, children will gradually begin to distinguish between yours and mine. Children are not only able to distinguish objects, but also gradually understand them consciously.Other people\’s ideas may be different from yours. How to do? At this time, parents can start to establish property rights rules for their children, and make an agreement with their children that they cannot take other people\’s things without permission. For children, this is a dynamic growth process. Parents need to explain it to their children more than once, so that children can truly understand and distinguish their own things from other people\’s things. My neighbor’s brother has a cool car and his kids want it too. What should I do? Let\’s try saying to the child: \”Do you like that car? Mom thinks it\’s cool too, so how can the baby have a car like this?\” At this time, the child is likely to use his brain, and the mother might as well suggest There are several options for the children to choose from, such as waiting until their birthday, or helping their mother with some housework. In this process, the child will understand that when he has something he wants to get, he should first tell his mother or father, and then find a positive way, which also requires his own efforts. At the same time, it is worth reminding that children aged three or four are easily affected by their own emotions. When a certain emotion is not satisfied or they are angry with others, they may deliberately take away that person\’s things. To show that he has the strength to resist. If parents usually observe their children\’s words and deeds, they will be able to detect them in time and treat them differently. After the age of 5, the child begins to have a certain concept of right and wrong. When my second daughter entered the kindergarten class, I went to the kindergarten to pick her up. Her classmate Xiao Min and her mother handed me a Mickey Mouse headband. It was a gift when we went to the United States. I bought it for me at Disneyland. It turned out that Xiao Min liked it very much, so she secretly took it from the storage compartment and took it home. When Xiao Min\’s mother found out, she did not angrily criticize her, nor did she directly label her as a thief to teach her a lesson. Instead, she picked up the hair tie and looked at it carefully, while observing Xiao Min\’s reaction. She found that Xiao Min\’s eyes kept moving around, showing a very uneasy look. Then her mother asked: \”What\’s going on with this hair tie?\” At this time, Xiao Min started crying, and her mother hugged her gently and said To: \”Do you know what to do?\” Xiao Min nodded, but still rubbed the corners of his clothes while looking at her mother helplessly. Mom asked again: \”Do you want mom to accompany you to apologize?\” Xiao Min nodded again. Xiao Min\’s mother explained the process to me in detail, and took Xiao Min to sincerely apologize to me. For children over the age of 5, they know that stealing is wrong, and if they still do it even though they know it is wrong, they must have their motives. Stealing is a choice for children to solve problems. Choosing to steal can bring the child the desired psychological feeling. Parents should not ignore their motivations for making this choice. Finding the motivations and making corresponding improvements can prevent these behaviors from happening again. How to do? After the age of 5, children begin to have a certain sense of right and wrong and are no longer just cute little kids. At this time, parents can no longer ignore or even cover up their children\’s inappropriate behavior by saying \”they are still young and ignorant\”, but they must correctly understand and guide them correctly. When a child makes a mistake, many parents can\’t help but get angry, but when they doFire will only cause fear and resistance in children, making them uncooperative. Like the case mentioned earlier, Xiao Min must have felt very uncomfortable when her mother looked at the headband seriously. This process was already a punishment for a child under 6 years old. After she experienced this feeling She hopes to find a way to get rid of this unpleasant feeling, but she still dares not admit her mistake. When she knows that her mother will help her to pay it back, the recognition of her mother in her heart will prompt her to dare to face it. Xiao Min\’s mother also remembered that Xiao Min had mentioned several times before that she wanted a new hair tie, but she refused without careful communication. Therefore, insufficient communication between parents and children can also put children in an unstable state, which can easily lead them to send signals through harmful behaviors. When parents face the problem of their children \”stealing things\”, they must deal with it based on age and specific circumstances. The most taboo thing is \”infinite associations\”, such as \”stealing needles when you are young, stealing gold when you are old. If you learn to steal things at such a young age, you will be able to steal things in the future.\” But what should I do…\” Then he started preaching mode, and some even started beating them directly. (As an aside, many parents are particularly good at this kind of association. From a small shortcoming or an occasional mistake in their children, they can go up and down the line to quality problems, and then start to worry about what they will do when they grow up in the future; this is completely asking for trouble. , does not solve the actual problem.) Of course, when we encounter children \”stealing things\”, although we do not need to be alarmed, we should not take it lightly, and we must be patient to find the real incentives behind it. Parents should pay attention to their children\’s lives, carefully observe their children\’s words and deeds, and respond to their children\’s needs in a timely manner. Finally, make an agreement with the child about future behavior, letting the child know that his parents will always be there to support him and trust him as he grows up. In this way, even if they make a mistake, they will have the courage to admit it. And this kind of courage is the best quality that children can learn from \”stealing things\”.