The child has nightmares every day, but he dares not tell his mother. The reason is…

According to experts, children should sleep in separate beds around the age of 3 and in separate rooms around the age of 5. Otherwise, it will affect the child\’s independence and his mental health when he grows up. I feel that sleeping separately from children in a timely manner can not only cultivate children\’s independence, but also allow parents to get better rest. Therefore, I have always been in favor of sleeping in separate rooms with my children. After my son became a little wiser, I slowly planned how to \”separate\” him out. My son, who lives in separate beds but not separate rooms, has been very attached to me since he was a child. He wants me to hug him to sleep every night. After entering kindergarten, his self-awareness became stronger and stronger. Whenever he did something independently, he would show a little pride and a full sense of accomplishment. I figured this would be a good time to talk to him about sleeping separately. During the summer vacation before he went to kindergarten, I prepared a small bed for him, bought sheets and quilts with car patterns that he liked, and said to him: \”You will go to middle school soon. You are a little boy.\” Now that you are a man, you can sleep alone. In order to let you adapt slowly, we will first put your crib in your parents\’ room. When you go to elementary school, we will put your crib in your room. . Let\’s sleep in separate beds first, and then in separate rooms, okay?\” The son looked at his beautiful little bed and the bedding was full of \”cars\”, and happily agreed. Sleeping in separate beds is relatively smooth. Our big bed and his small bed are next to each other. He takes the initiative to climb into his small bed every night before going to bed. I watch him on the big bed and talk to him. He He fell asleep quickly. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I will check to see if he has kicked off the quilt and cover him up. Sometimes I would find him rolling into the gap between the big bed and the small bed. His cute look often made me laugh, and I would take him back to the small bed to continue sleeping. Sleeping in a Room Alone During the summer vacation before my son went to elementary school, I often mentioned to him intentionally or unintentionally that he would have to sleep in a room alone after school started. He always said: \”Okay, no problem!\” before school started. In a few days, we packed up his room. His small bed was next to his small desk. Next to the small desk was a bookcase filled with his books. Opposite the small bed, there were two glass cabinets with all his favorite books. toys, this is his little world. He was very satisfied with his room and said proudly: \”I have my own room! I like my room so much!\” I secretly rejoiced: Just like it. This is the first step to successful room assignment. At night, he consciously went to his room to sleep, but he asked me to wait until he fell asleep before leaving. I knew that I had to give him enough security so that he could relax and fall asleep. I told him: \”Mom, leave when you fall asleep. I will leave a crack between the door of your room and the door of my room. If you have anything at night, just call me and I will come right away.\” He agreed. I stayed with him silently, and after a while I heard a slight snoring, and the little guy fell asleep quickly! I quietly left, closed the door to his room, and returned to my bedroom. The first night of sleeping in separate rooms went smoothly. My son called me three times in total. Once he wanted to go to the toilet, once he wanted to drink water, and once he simply woke up. I helped him deal with it and waited for him to fall asleep again. , I went back to my room. This kind of life lasted for more than three months. Sometimes I slept at nightBefore, he would say: \”Mom, I\’m worried about having nightmares at night.\” I would comfort him: \”It\’s okay, dreams are all fake, don\’t be afraid.\” Seeing that he was still a little worried, I patted his back and kissed him His face said: \”Go to sleep, baby, mommy loves you, mommy, daddy, grandparents are all at home to protect you, you are safe, don\’t be afraid of anything!\” and he fell asleep obediently. Basically he would call me once or twice every night to go to the toilet or drink water, or when he woke up he would ask me to accompany him before falling back to sleep. As time passed, I wondered if I could raise my standards to him? After all, the weather is getting cold, and I don\’t want to leave the warm bed in the middle of the night. I also want to have a good sleep without being disturbed. I discussed with him: \”Baby, you love your mother so much, you must want her to have a good rest at night, right?\” My son nodded. I added: \”Can you stop calling mommy when you go to bed at night? If you wake up, go back to sleep by yourself. I will put the water glass on your table. If you are thirsty, you can drink water by yourself. If you want to go to the toilet, go to the bathroom by yourself. .\” The son nodded reluctantly and agreed. Don’t be in a hurry for success. Unexpectedly, I was too eager for success. A few days ago, he called me at night, and I said through the door: \”Baby, we agreed to sleep by ourselves.\” I listened carefully to his side. There was no sound in the room, and he knew he had fallen asleep. But suddenly one night in the middle of the night, he came to our room crying and said: \”Mom, I had a nightmare just now. I dreamed that I was lost and couldn\’t find you or the police uncle. I was killed.\” I woke up with a fright.\” I quickly comforted him: \”It\’s okay, it\’s all false. Don\’t you see that your parents are by your side?\” I took him back to his room and fell asleep with him again. But from that day on, he refused to sleep well by himself. He woke up in the middle of the night and ran to our room. When asked why, he said it was because he was afraid of nightmares. I said, \”Weren\’t you fine the past few days? Can you fall back asleep on your own after you wake up?\” He said, \”I was actually scared those days, but when I thought about it, I couldn\’t disturb my mother and just thought about it by myself. I fell asleep thinking about fun things. But the nightmare I had the day before yesterday was too scary. The more I thought about it, the more scared I became. I couldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I didn’t want to disturb my mother, but I was too scared!” said the son. The circles under his eyes were red. Seeing his pitiful and sensible appearance, I was really moved and distressed. At the same time, I was also reflecting: Am I asking too much for my son? I once read an article that said that only relying on cognitive methods such as preaching cannot produce good results for children under the age of 8. So how could my understatement of \”dreams are fake\” eliminate the fear of nightmares in my son\’s mind? What about the fear? As an adult, can I really understand how scared he is of nightmares? Thinking back to when I was a child, I saw a picture of a gangster using a knife to kill people. For a long time, I was scared to death. The more scared I was, the more the picture flashed in front of my eyes. When it gets a little dark, I will hide behind adults. Now that my son is at a time when his imagination is developing, those scenes that adults don\’t take seriously are imagined as terrible things in his little mind! Maybe it was because I let him sleep completely on his own too early that he lost his heartPeople who feel a sense of security are more likely to have nightmares and are more afraid of nightmares. Thinking of this, I decided not to make high demands and just maintain this \”semi-shared room status\”. I said: From now on, we should follow our previous agreement. When you wake up in the middle of the night, you should still call your mother, and she will come back after she falls asleep with you. The son looked relaxed and said happily: Great, mom, this way I won’t be afraid of going to bed! I am glad that I corrected it in time, otherwise if the child is really \”scared\” to go to bed, it will really be more gain than loss! I think that although it is important to cultivate a child\’s independence, it cannot be done in a hurry. It must be built on the basis of his gradually becoming stronger mentally and his cognition gradually increasing. If it comes at the cost of losing his mental health, I would rather not have such \”independence\”, and even if it is barely cultivated, it is not true \”independence\”. I believe that by giving your child the necessary sense of security and scientific training, he will slowly become truly independent!