The more sensible the child, the more pitiful he is? The more \”bear\”, the happier?

It\’s very simple, the reason why sensible children are unhappy. Either the standard for judging \”sensible\” is wrong, or the adults around him are too ungrateful. Zhihu asked a question, are sensible children happy? 4,000 replies, the top 5 most liked replies are all: unhappy! There are many reasons. Because of family reasons, I am afraid that my parents will be unhappy and I dare not express my needs. He told his parents against his will that he didn’t like fun toys and she didn’t like beautiful dolls. In order to survive, I forced myself to become \”other people\’s children\” in the eyes of others, learned to watch words and emotions, and gave up my most beloved things, even though I was unwilling to do so. I have been taught since I was a child that I am the elder, and I want to make the younger one feel aggrieved no matter how wrong the younger one is, just because I am the elder brother or sister. …This kind of thing is not unfamiliar to most of us, and it would make us cry if we talk about it too much. After experiencing these distressing childhoods, sensible children can easily be labeled as \”unhappy\” and \”unhappy\”. As a mother, I asked a little question in my heart: Would it be \”happier\” to be a \”naughty kid\”? What about \”happiness\”? Embarrassingly, this answer is scattered in most people’s minds. \”China Youth Daily\” once conducted a serious questionnaire survey of about 2,000 people on the topic of \”sensible children are the most pitiful\”. 65.3% of the respondents believed that they were the \”sensible\” child since childhood and were pitiful. Only 19.1% of the respondents believed that \”sensible\” children are happier than \”bear\” children. In other words, we do not deny that \”naughty children\” are unhappy, but we definitely believe that \”sensible children\” are pitiful! Is this right? \”Crying children get candy, but sensible children can only complete tasks seriously, abide by the rules, and use perfect performance to win candy… Sensible children are always so well-behaved that it makes people feel bad.\” This sounds right. , but it is difficult for me to accept the argument that naughty children are happier. I wonder, is there a possibility that we have \”misunderstood\” being sensible? In the past month, my cousin has been complaining to me that her 7-year-old son has a weak personality. He was often bullied in the community. No matter who asked for his toys, he would immediately give them to him. Being robbed, he remained silent and did not speak. He only stood there and wiped away tears. My cousin is very troubled. She says that she and her brother-in-law are domineering and arrogant in their behavior, and they walk with an air of arrogance. Why is it that the child has no inheritance at all, but is extremely timid? You must know that the little nephew is a good and sensible child in the eyes of adults. No matter how reluctant he is, as long as his mother says a word, he will do it immediately: he won’t buy toys if he doesn’t want them, he won’t eat sweets if he’s not allowed to eat them… Don’t say that the little nephew says no in front of his cousin. When my cousin spoke, I felt a little trembling in my heart. Yesterday during dinner, several children were allowed to drink a glass of juice, but the cousin refused to let the nephew drink. The child swallowed helplessly and did not dare to drink. Of course, everyone praised me again, my nephew is so sensible! However, looking at the timid and eager eyes of the child, I really started to feel sorry for the \”sensible\” one.. Rather than saying that this is the child\’s sensibility, it is better to say that he chooses to obey because he is afraid of his parents\’ authority. On the surface, this kind of \”sensible\” is too inconvenient for a mother, but if children often suppress their own needs and thoughts and only dare to say \”yes\” to the outside world, will they develop the temperament, tolerance, and kindness over time? A cowardly character is always obeying, always escaping, and eventually develops into unconditionally pleasing someone. How sensible is this? ! From this perspective, sensible children are indeed pitiful. Isn\’t this the poor sensible person we talk about? ! This kind of sensibleness, just like my little nephew, is the obedience forced by my parents. I have developed premature sensibleness, and I am forced to learn to \”observe words and emotions\” and please others. When parents deprive their children of their power to make decisions, suppress their children\’s ideas in every detail, and ignore their inner voice and voice, the children will easily become \”too sensible\” and become obedient, ingratiating, and \”sensible\” without principles. , the subsequent \”side effects\” are too terrible: people-pleasing personality, low self-esteem, most of them come from this. There should be another side to being sensible! My friend\’s child is in the third grade of elementary school. He is a top student in elementary school. He is good at studies, sports, and plays the piano well. This \”other people\’s child\” has always won my heart, especially when he smiles, the corners of his mouth almost reach his ears, revealing a small snow-white tiger tooth, which makes the sunlight melt into it. Last weekend, I invited his family of three to have dinner. When I opened the door, I only saw my friend. I asked where my son and husband, the top student, were? A friend said that his son has become obsessed with cycling recently and insisted on riding a bicycle for a distance of about 6 kilometers. My friend persuaded me for a long time, but my son insisted on riding! He assured her that she would pay attention to safety, but she really didn\’t feel comfortable letting her father follow her. There is no other way, I just need to work hard for his father. Half an hour later, the father and son came into the house sweating profusely, feeling like they had brought the sun with them. With a bright smile, the child excitedly shared his cycling adventures with us. First he took the lead, and then Dad took a break and drank all the water. It was so enjoyable. Especially when I was a little tired in the middle, after seeing my dad panting and \”laughing\” a little, I felt less tired! The children talked happily, and the adults\’ interest was completely aroused. My son pestered his brother and asked him to take him with him next time. The little brother patted his brother\’s head like a little adult and said, \”No problem. When you are older, you can ride to your brother\’s house! However, you are still young now. Can your brother accompany you to the community garden for a ride?\” \”My friend said a little dotingly, \”I\’ve taught you a little virtue, and I\’ve taught it to my younger brother! Fortunately, my mother listened to you and let you ride here by yourself. Isn\’t it great?\” There was pride in his tone. Yes, thanks to my friend who did not force the child, I was able to have this rare experience. Returning to the topic of \”sensible\”, the mother does not let the child ride a bicycle, and the child decisively refuses. However, what we see is a \”sensible\” child! He dares to say \”no\”, dares to argue with reason, and dares to find his own happiness. From my friends, I also see that mothers should have a proper attitude and listen more to their children on matters that have nothing to do with principles. Only then can children have the opportunity to grow up according to their own ideas! Better than not having any resistanceIf you allow your children to say no, they will have a better chance of listening to you. By the way, this child from my friend’s family is also a sensible child in everyone’s eyes. Be polite, sensible, and considerate of others. Do you still feel pity for such a child? ! Therefore, in addition to \”poor, sensible children\” and \”naughty children\” in this world, there is another kind of sensible child! They are children who grow up naturally in a respectful and equal parent-child relationship. Not wise too early, not too late, just right! By the age of 5, he begins to be polite. By the age of 6, children begin to follow the rules. By the age of 15, you begin to understand the severity. By the age of 18, you begin to understand the overall situation. Just imagine, a person who is polite, rules-abiding, aware of the importance and the overall situation will also know how to respect and care for others. Such a sensible child will lose his temper regardless of the occasion; as long as he wants what he wants, his parents will go through thousands of hardships. All hardships must be endured; as long as he thinks it is right, the King of Heaven and I will not let him admit his mistakes as a \”naughty child\”. Who do you think is more \”happy\”? ! Therefore, this is why I have always felt that the argument that naughty children are happier is untenable! After becoming parents, it is not black and white. To let our children learn to be sensible, we need to grasp a certain degree. Only by mastering this degree can the child grow up naturally and slowly understand the rules of this society in his different age groups. However, in the final analysis of all this, the key to whether a sensible child is happy or not lies with the parents! The revolution has not yet succeeded, comrades, come on Smecta.