unfair! The mother gives her all, but the child prefers the \”walk-in\” father

I have obviously given everything for my children, but why do my children prefer a father who doesn’t know how to “raise children”? ——A depressed mother As a stay-at-home mother, I have been very proud of my parenting skills for a long time. After Mianmian was born, I read various parenting tomes and child psychology works, learned from articles by various parenting education experts, and learned practical and theoretical knowledge. From a new mother who was in a hurry to change her baby’s diapers, Gradually grow into an \”old driver\”. When you feel very good about yourself, you will inevitably start to criticize other \”deputies\” in raising children in the family. If you are not careful, it will trigger a family war. In the early days, I would be keen on giving advice to Mian’s dad on how to raise children. Even my words would be “You should… you are not doing this right…” In the end, my good-tempered dad was also a little annoyed, and he backed away from me and took the initiative to give up childcare. Quan didn\’t follow my \”teachings\” and only used his own way to get along with his daughter. However, although the little girl thrived under my hard work, she seemed to like her father more. When she first entered kindergarten, the first thing she did when she came back every day was to tell her father what happened that day. This situation makes me a little distressed and helpless. I can\’t be jealous of my child\’s father, right? I wonder if you have seen Sylvia Chang\’s new film \”Love\”? The relationship between the protagonist Yue Huiying and her daughter Weiwei makes Mian\’s mother seem to see a version of herself and her daughter with intensified conflicts in the future: the mother feels that she has worked hard to raise her children, and the rules and requirements are all for her daughter\’s good, but her adult daughter does not She just wants to confront her mother; her mother feels that her father is indulgent and irresponsible for her daughter\’s education, but her daughter just accepts this and is even willing to have a heart-to-heart relationship with her father. When we treat our partners on the parenting journey—our significant other—with an attitude of “I must be right” from the very beginning, I think the final result will definitely disappoint us. So how do we deal with conflicts caused by disagreements with our significant other about parenting issues? Reading this article may inspire you: When Ye\’er was first born, I was like a mother animal protecting her cubs, and I didn\’t like anyone. During the confinement period, Ye\’er\’s father held Ye\’er in his hands and turned him upside down like an acrobatic. Sometimes he did sit-ups, and sometimes he stretched his arms and legs. I roared: \”Don\’t touch him! How can you do such a strenuous exercise? What if you hurt your muscles and bones?\” After that, every time Ye\’er\’s father tried to get close to Ye\’er, I would stare at him eagerly, fearing that he would make a mistake. It will hurt this tender baby. Ye\’er\’s father felt that he was bored, so he just stayed in the study room and played on the computer every day. I don\’t think there\’s anything wrong with him. He just doesn\’t cause any trouble for me, so he can be at ease. So a record was set: Ye\’er was six months old, and the total time his father held him did not exceed six hours. As my children grew up, I thought I had read a few books on new parenting concepts and talked about love and freedom, acceptance and respect all day long. It seemed that I was the only one in the world who understood children best. If family members want to interfere, I usually say: \”Don\’t…, this will cause problems to the children…\” Reasons are everywhere. As time goes by, I thinkThis kind of family atmosphere is not what I want at all. Since I can accept that every child is different, why can’t I accept that families treat their children differently? Since everything is allowed to happen, why are families not allowed to love their children in their own way? When we learn new parenting concepts, we especially hope that our other half will learn them with us. Sometimes mothers will force their husbands to attend courses, or ask them to read parenting books, draw key points, and post their thoughts after reading. Because we have a point of view: Only when both parents are consistent is the best education for their children. And when we do this, we will put invisible pressure on our husband, making him want to resist and escape. So we started complaining that our husband \”spends little time with the children, has poor quality, and does not accept new ideas.\” Later, it escalated to \”cannot communicate, does not understand me, and does not care about the growth of the children.\” However, when we so eagerly hope that our partners will study with us, we have to think about it, is this the needs of our children or our own needs? When I ask myself this, the first thing I think of is that if my husband can study with me, my parenting style can be recognized by my family, which proves that I am right and my method is the best; secondly, If he also knows these concepts and methods, next time when I encounter something I can\’t handle, he can support me and help me, and I won\’t always get myself into trouble; finally, if we uphold the same concept, we would not have so many disputes and disagreements, and our relationship could be improved. Many mothers hope that their children\’s fathers will be more involved in their children\’s lives and education, but the methods they often use are nagging, complaining, blaming and criticizing. Not only do they fail to achieve the results they want, but they push the father further and further away. Once you get into this kind of \”I\’m right or you\’re wrong\” dispute, the thing itself becomes less important, what\’s important is who will win. I have observed some quarrels between couples or mothers and daughters. Five minutes after the quarrel started, it was basically impossible to tell what the original disagreement was about, and the content of the quarrel was already far from the topic. But everyone is striving for one thing, which is to ensure that they win in the end. No one is born a parent, and fathers also need to learn from interactions with their children. Relax your mind and don\’t keep the child behind you and isolate the father just because you are worried that the father will cause harm to the child. Only when the spirit is relaxed can parents\’ condition improve and their children\’s condition improve accordingly. If you want to establish a close relationship between father and child, you must let the father consciously participate in taking care of the child, and create space for the father and the child to get along alone. Instead of criticizing the way the father takes care of his children, be the bridge between the father and his children. If we can usually express love through love, see what our partners do well, and affirm and appreciate it, their sense of value and belonging will be satisfied, and they will not compete with us on everything. Win or lose. Maybe sometimes we will be depressed: \”I want to communicate with him, and I have expressed my wishes, but he never cooperates!\” At this time, IYou may want to take a look. It\’s not necessarily that your way of expression is wrong, but that there is a problem in the relationship between you. If you want to communicate smoothly and get each other\’s understanding and cooperation, you need love between you. If communication is ineffective because of relationship problems, we need to repair the relationship first and then solve the problem. Fill up the box of love between us and the other person. When both parties are full of love, many problems will naturally be solved. In the long-term battlefield of parenting, what you need is a comrade who can advance and retreat together and cooperate with each other, not a significant other who is \”forced\” by you to become an enemy. Change your mentality, break the wall of right and wrong you have built, and finish this battle with your \”comrades\”!