What happened to the children who were called wimps by their parents?

What does it feel like to be scolded by your parents? I can neither tell my lover nor confide in my friends because others cannot understand my depression. But when I was growing up, the label given by my parents was deeply engraved in my heart, and it didn\’t pop up. Xiaoran is such a girl. After graduating from college, she worked for a foreign company in Shanghai for three years before choosing to start her own business and opened a flower shop next to a quiet residential area. At a family gathering during the Chinese New Year, my father drank too much and began to talk about his views on the family\’s children. When talking about Xiaoran, his father took a sip of wine and sighed: Hey, my daughter is not as mature as you guys as brothers and sisters! She is a loser! She was sitting next to her father at the time, and the words \”coward\” were like bullets fired from a machine gun, shattering her dignity one after another. The originally lively atmosphere suddenly fell silent. The relatives smiled awkwardly and hurriedly advised their father: There is no such thing, Xiaoran has much more knowledge than us! But her father seemed to have a lot of bitter things to talk about: She failed to pass the civil service exam no matter how many times, she was unwilling to study for a Ph.D., and she was wasting her time by doing some crappy temporary work in other places! He\’s so big that he can\’t even find a partner, he\’s such a coward! The quiet Xiaoran clenched her fists and wanted to slam the table and leave, but she didn\’t have the courage to do so. She knew not to do this. In fact, her father had scolded her like this more than once. But she knew in her heart that her father really wanted her to be strong. My father often gets angry while working outside, but there is no one to help him vent his anger. Xiao Ran thought that if she were her late grandmother, she might be able to hit back at her father: You are a loser! Don\’t say that about my granddaughter! She always wanted to tell her father: My current career was achieved through hard work. You don’t know how much I have sacrificed over the years, nor do you know my dreams. In fact, you don’t know the real me at all. Although she has grown up, she is still a big child to her parents, and they can still call her a coward in front of themselves and outsiders. She only goes back almost every year during the Chinese New Year. She also missed her home, but her home kept hurting her and leaving her completely injured. She realized that her family\’s influence on her was so great that a few words could break down the psychological wall she had finally built. At first, even when filling out my application for the college entrance examination, I only chose places far away from home. At that time, I simply wanted to be as far away from home as possible. Come to think of it, the dream of a flower shop gradually took shape from that time. The more anxious your heart is, the more you yearn for a quiet environment. She seemed destined to have no choice but to flee her hometown again and again. Family is a child\’s first school and the beginning of emotional education. Therefore, the influence of parents on their children is profound and lasting. I have personally witnessed domestic violence incidents caused by \”wimps\”. In my community, a young couple often fight and fight, and they often become the talk of the neighborhood. Once downstairs, the two of them started to argue again for some reason. When the quarrel got fierce, the wife pointed at her husband and said angrily: Why can\’t you even do this little thing? No wonder our dad said you are a wimp! As soon as I finished speaking, my husbandSuddenly he grabbed his wife\’s hair and beat her in front of many neighbors. The wife wailed in pain. Neighbors quickly stepped forward to start a fight. The red-eyed husband was so angry that he couldn\’t control himself. After being pulled away, he yelled at his wife and couldn\’t calm down for a long time. Later, I heard from the elders that when the man was young, his parents had been quarreling and fighting, the family business was not very prosperous, and the family conditions were very average. Often used as a punching bag by parents. Because of the poor family environment, he could not maintain his studies. He followed relatives to work as an auto repairman, a cook, and a courier operator, and his income fluctuated. From time to time, I heard this man\’s old father complaining to his neighbors: My useless son… Maybe this old father never realized that his son had been deeply affected by his words and deeds when he was a child. Intentional or unintentional criticism of children by parents will subtly have a great negative reaction on his future relationships with husband and wife, family, colleagues and other interpersonal relationships. One day, this pent-up emotion will turn into a ball of hydrogen gas, which will explode once it encounters a spark! If this situation does not end with us, it will continue to affect the next generation. We obviously love our children the most, but why do we always say such terrible and cruel things to our children? There were two little boys of five or six years old playing and fighting in the playground of the park. One of the children ran over to his father, who was sitting on a park bench, crying. This father scolded the child regardless of the situation: Why don\’t you fight back, you loser! When the father blamed the child, the little boy had a tangled and angry expression on his face. It looked like he would really run over and beat the kid. The father saw that the boy was still there and pushed him: Go quickly! As a result, the child was angry and waved his fist at his father: I am not a wimp! I\’m not a wimp! The teacher said you can’t hit anyone, I’m a good boy! I am a good kid! The child\’s father was not touched by this, but simply took the child away from the park. The word \”useless\” is an understatement to parents, but it is like a bolt from the blue to children. It may be a hidden \”landmine\” in the child\’s life. No matter how incompetent the parents think their child is, no matter how wronged he is, the family cannot add salt to the wound. If you work hard outside, you can be scolded, but being scolded by your parents is what makes you most entangled and hurts your self-esteem. Many intentional injury cases between relatives are often caused by verbal disputes and disputes over dignity. Family is the warmest harbor, not a frozen lake. Parents are the strongest support, not a sharp knife. In \”The Road Less Traveled\”, the author Parker gave this description: \”Children who are bathed in the love of their parents can develop soundly in mind. They may also express dissatisfaction due to their parents\’ temporary neglect, but they are dissatisfied with their parents\’ neglect. I can\’t thank you enough for your love. The valuing of their parents makes them know how to cherish themselves, how to choose progress instead of falling behind, and how to pursue happiness instead of giving up on themselves. They regard self-esteem and self-love as the starting point of life, which is more valuable than gold.\’ A valuable person\’, with such a valuable understanding, it forms the basic premise for a sound psychology. \”I am born with talents.\”\”Useful\”, this kind of self-confidence must be cultivated from childhood, otherwise remedial measures in adulthood will often result in half the effort. Children enjoy the love of their parents from an early age, and even if they encounter huge setbacks as adults, the strong self-confidence cultivated in childhood will make them Have the courage to overcome difficulties bravely without giving up on yourself.\” Children will actively seek approval and recognition. Many children have a strong motivation to overcome difficulties by the age of 2, hoping to gain praise from adults. For example, we will see a 2-year-old child successfully assemble a small robot, raise his head with a smile, and say to his parents, \”Come and see! I made this.\” At this time, they are seeking feedback from their parents. approval. And this kind of praise will make children form a secure attachment state. Children need parents who can be a safe haven, caring and responsible for them, so that they can face various challenges in life and study without fear and anxiety. Children who have always had a secure attachment state will be more confident and peaceful in social interactions, marriage and family life when they grow up. From a psychological point of view, if you treat your child with a positive attitude and hint to your child, the child is likely to move in a positive direction; on the contrary, if you are biased against your child or always say negative things, your child is likely to move in a positive direction. developing in the opposite direction. If you can, as a parent, please never call your child a coward in front of him. Because no one can predict the harm these three words will cause to children.