Why does \”coaxing\” not work when a child is willful and loses his temper?

Yesterday, my sister brought her nephew to Qingdao to see me. As a result, my daughter acted like a little hedgehog the whole time, full of disgust and hostility towards her brother. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my little nephew, so I inevitably give him a kiss and a hug. My daughter keeps pestering me: “Mom, hug, mom,” and even pushes her brother. Knowing that her daughter was competing with her younger brother for favor, she patiently explained to her: \”Mom still likes you the most. My younger brother is a guest. This is our first time at home. Let\’s be more enthusiastic.\” But no matter how she explained, she always said the same thing. : \”I don\’t want a younger brother, I don\’t like my younger brother.\” It was the first time I felt my daughter\’s strong possessiveness towards me. I understood that all her hostility towards her younger brother was because she was worried that her younger brother would take her mother away. Behind all those willful little actions, she wanted to monopolize her mother\’s love. . When children are willful and unlovable, it is actually when they need love the most. They are seeking attention and love from their parents in their own way. Since the variety show \”Mom is Superman 3\” was launched, Huang Shengyi\’s son Andy has attracted much attention. He is the kid who \”least gives his mother face\” on the show. At the beginning of the show, while the little warm boy was busy dressing his mother up as a beautiful little princess, Andy picked out the dress he disliked the most and asked his mother to wear it. Later, when I was with my mother, I was also full of dislike for her. I am not satisfied with the breakfast made by my mother: \”There is so little rice, so few vegetables, and so little fruit.\” Not satisfied with the little surprise of \”playing the police game\” prepared by my mother, I turned around and left. I was dissatisfied with the clothes my mother chose for me, and kept shouting \”no\” and \”no\” the whole time. I was not satisfied with my mother taking me to take pictures, and I cried and lost my temper. However, it is this not-so-cute child who is the most distressing. When the program crew asked him: \”Do you feel lonely when your parents are not with you?\”, he replied without hesitation: \”Not lonely, I am used to it.\” During the mock exam from kindergarten to primary school, the teacher asked him to share some happy things. The 6-year-old child recalled it for a long time and still shook his head. A five or six-year-old child has no happy memories. How lonely and lonely he feels inside! It turns out that behind the repeated resistance and dislike of her mother were countless days of loneliness and helplessness, dissatisfaction, and deep desire and expectation for love and companionship. After watching the show, Huang Shengyi realized his son\’s expectations and worked hard to repair the relationship with him. Andy began to get used to calling her mother, preparing dinner with her mother, cuddling up to her mother and watching her mother play the piano. The relationship with her mother gradually eased. , I’m really happy for him. Kimberly Braine, a child education expert, mentioned in \”You Are Your Child\’s Best Toy\”: Children are willful and lose their temper because their physical and emotional development exceeds their ability to communicate. When children cannot express their needs and emotions effectively, or parents always cannot read their children\’s meaning, children will express their dissatisfaction in their own way. In the movie \”Little Naughty Nikolai\”, Nikolai misunderstood that his parents wanted to give him a younger brother and would not let him go. So, in order to please his parents, he invited his friends to clean the house. As a result, the house was in a mess: the sofa was torn. The tablecloth was torn and the cat was thrown into the washClothes machine… When his parents took him for an outing, he misunderstood that they were going to throw him into the forest. He locked the car when his parents got out of the car, and no matter how much his parents tried to reason with him, he remained unmoved. . Finally, the parents had to push the car home. Picture source: \”Little Naughty Nicholas\” The parents are very angry, but they don\’t know that this child, who is a bit stubborn, rebellious and unlovable, just hopes that his parents will not abandon him, he just wants his parents to continue to love him and keep him by his side. ! Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: When a child\’s vitality is seen, it will become good, such as passion and love; when a child\’s vitality is not seen, it will become black, such as anger and attack. Destructive. A netizen on Zhihu once shared his story: Ever since I was little, my parents would angrily shut me out and tell me that if I didn’t behave, they would not want me anymore. At that time, I thought about dying. The thought of \”go to hell\” has been swirling in my mind all year round. I didn\’t want to express this emotion to others, so I could only seal it in words in my diary. Later, my mother secretly saw my diary and thought that I had written it on purpose to scare her, so she beat and scolded her again: \”You\’re going to die of low self-esteem, depression, and sadness. I don\’t think you\’re living well now.\” ? Just lie to me, until I die in the end, you will be free.\” Hearing my mother\’s words, my heart went cold. I searched for many ways to commit suicide, and even stared blankly at the snowy sky on the top floor for a long time… It is a normal expression of emotions for children to act petty and lose their temper. , no matter what the reason is, as long as parents give their children unconditional love and acceptance and help their children to ease their emotions, then the children will feel happy. See the child who talks back, loses his temper, or is not very cute with your heart, and let the child feel your unconditional acceptance and love. A mother once shared her method, which deserves praise. Her son made a beautiful little airplane out of building blocks. He was very happy jumping around in the living room, but he accidentally fell and smashed the airplane into pieces. The child was so angry that he cried loudly, yelled like crazy, and threw small toys all over the living room to vent his emotions. This mother did not blame her child for losing her temper, but accepted her child unconditionally. She first said to her son in an empathic way: \”Baby, it is really sad and really annoying that such a delicate airplane was smashed apart.\” Then aim for an opportunity to \”emotionally transfer\” and tell your son: \”You don\’t have to come over to pick it up. Mom will throw it over for you.\” Later, the two of them went back and forth and were immersed in a toy-throwing game. The son quickly forgot about the previous unpleasantness and invited his mother to rebuild a bigger and more beautiful airplane. A child\’s willingness to be willful, lose his temper, and cry in front of his parents is, to some extent, a sign of trust in his parents. He believes that his parents will accept him and love him unconditionally. Don\’t wait until that child becomes sensible, or even careful to please, no longer rebellious, no longer playful, perhaps that is the most distressing thing. Some time ago, writer Jiang Fangzhou revealed in the \”Weird Congress\” that he has a please-pleaser personality. He has been accustomed to catering to and pleasing others since he was a child, and evenIn an intimate relationship, I don\’t dare to quarrel with the other party. Even if it is not my fault, I am always used to apologizing, and I have completely lost myself. See your child, see that child who is a little unlovable. Before the child becomes sensible or even pleasing, cherish his little willfulness and see his expectations with your heart. In the TED talk \”How to Love and Be Loved\”, the speaker said that the person in your life who loves you unconditionally is like the sun, sharing its warmth and light unconditionally every day, even on a cold February morning. We hope that we can be the sun in a child\’s heart, giving him unconditional love and energy, warming his heart, illuminating his long road ahead in life, so that he can feel the love of his parents all the time.