You are not a rough person, why can\’t you help but get angry with your children?

There are often messages from mothers in the background, asking for advice on how to control themselves and not get angry with their children. It is not easy not to be angry with your children, because sometimes parents\’ anger with their children is not caused directly by the children, but by some indirect factors. For example: parents are overtired. anxiety. Taking on too many household chores. Couple relationship problems. Work stress. Economic issues. Family relationship issues. health problems. Changes in body hormone levels. …but many times, these factors are not the truth behind parents’ anger with their children. Suppose the scene happened again and the person you faced was not your child, but a friend, a colleague, or even someone else\’s child. Do you think you would be as angry as you were with your child? If not, then the real reason why you were angry with your child at that time was probably because your subconscious emotions were activated when you faced your child. This is the case for Ms. H, for example. Ms. H is always angry about her children\’s meals. She said her child was too picky. She works very hard to cook after get off work every day, but her children don’t like to eat this or that. Ms. H was very angry about this matter. One day, the child couldn\’t finish a plate of food he was \”supposed to eat.\” She roughly forced the child to eat. The child seems to be deliberately playing devil\’s advocate and just won\’t eat. Ms. H was furious and beat the child several times. The child began to cry. Ms. H became even more angry and beat the child several more times. I was also made angry and cried. The child saw her crying and said while crying: Mom, please stop crying, I will eat. After saying that, he ate the rest of the dish like a martyr. After this incident passed, Ms. H felt a little guilty. Is it necessary to be so bitter and bitter with your children? Although she thought so, Ms. H was still furious when her child bargained with her over the meal that night. I asked Ms. H, if a friend’s child came to your house for dinner, what would you do to her? Ms. H said that she can eat whatever she likes. After hearing what she said, Ms. H smiled and added, I can\’t control other people\’s children. I said, if you were a guest at someone else\’s house now and saw a mother forcing her child to eat a plate of food, scolding her, and beating her, what would you do? Ms. H thought for a while and said, I might advise her not to be so harsh on her children. I said, how to persuade? Ms. H said that there are many ways to supplement nutrition, so don’t force your child to eat if she doesn’t want to. It\’s really unnecessary to make everyone unhappy every night. You see, from the perspective of a bystander, Ms. H understands very well. But why can’t I get through when I get here? What is the source of Ms. H’s anger? Ms. H’s mother likes to play mahjong very much. Often when she was a child, when she came home from school, her mother would still be sitting at the mahjong table. Her father works out of town and rarely comes home. Sometimes her mother would give her a few dollars to eat noodles in a restaurant, and sometimes her mother would let her go to a neighbor\’s house or a relative\’s house to eat. Because she often eats, everyone will inevitably criticize Ms. H\’s mother in front of Ms. H, who is still a little girl, saying that her mother only knows how to play and doesn\’t even care about the children eating. Ms. H was very ashamed and felt like she had done something wrong. Sometimes she would rather go hungry than go to other people\’s houses for food. Sometimes, when her mother gives her meal money, she will quietlyI secretly set aside some of it to buy comic books, but sometimes I won’t be full. The most inferior thing about Ms. H\’s life is her height. She felt short. After she became an adult, she analyzed the reason. Her parents were not short. She was so short because she was often hungry as a child and could not keep up with nutrition. She vowed that this kind of thing would not happen to her children. She took the nutritionist certification exam before becoming pregnant. After the child was born, in order to let the child grow up healthily, she took over the \”important responsibility\” of cooking. She admitted that the food she made didn’t taste good. But she feels that most of the food that tastes delicious is fried or high in sugar and fat, which is not good for the body. She feels that food must be nutritionally balanced and taste is not important. But the children didn\’t like the food she cooked. No matter what she tells her children, nutrition comes first. No matter how hard she tried to persuade her child, she was doing it for her own good. No matter how she forced, threatened, or even used toys to tempt the children to eat. The child just doesn\’t want to eat. Children\’s favorite food is junk food. Ms. H was completely unaware that she regarded her daughter as a stand-in for her own childhood. She does not have an ideal mother, so she wants to be this mother and let her daughter be her \”daughter\” to make up for her \”childhood defects\”. But her daughter rejected her \”yes\”. The truest emotion in her heart was not \”anger\”, but frustration. Because she lost the opportunity to be a \”good mother\”, she had no way to \”make up\” for the shortcomings in her heart. So she coerced and tried every means to control her child\’s eating. That\’s why, as a bystander, she can look at the problem of her children\’s eating calmly, but she can\’t do it when she is involved. Because she is competing with herself. I talked with Ms. H about my views on this matter, and she also realized something and began to think of ways to change her attitude towards the child. For example, she no longer always forces her children to eat. Sometimes she and her husband take their children to restaurants to eat, and occasionally allow them to eat junk food. But she still wants to work hard on her children\’s meals and be a \”good mother.\” She began to learn cooking skills and wanted to make nutritious and delicious meals. I think it\’s okay, as long as she doesn\’t use her daughter as her substitute. Many parents are objective and rational people towards others, but become emotional people towards their own children. He is a gentle person to others, but he becomes a \”villain\” to his own children. Instead of trying to learn \”emotion management methods\” to suppress your anger, it is better to be aware of yourself first – what is the real reason for my anger? Children are the final examination of parents’ past growth results. When treating children, you can see your own growth patterns. When you see your growth pattern clearly, you get a new growth opportunity. Sometimes you have to thank your children for giving you this opportunity.