Zeng Shiqiang’s emotional management ppt method that will benefit children for a lifetime

\”Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children.\” The author, John Gottman, is a famous American interpersonal relationship guru, psychologist, and \”marriage pope.\” This book uses rigorous argumentation, rich cases and practical methods to analyze the impact of different parenting styles on children\’s emotional intelligence. It is an action guide for cultivating parents\’ educational quality. Today we share two parts of this book, namely emotional ecology and scaffolding education. ① Daniel Goleman, author of \”Emotional Ecology\” and \”Emotional Intelligence\” pointed out: \”Family life is the first school where we learn emotions.\” From the time a child is born, the marital atmosphere of parents provides the child with the tools to survive. Emotional ecological environment. Just like the air, water and soil in the natural environment will affect the growth of small trees, the quality of the relationship between parents determines the emotional direction of children and will affect their attitude towards life and future development. However, it’s not the conflict between parents that really hurts children, but the way they handle it. The author points out that protecting children from parental marital conflicts does not mean requiring parents to avoid all forms of marital conflicts, because this is unrealistic or even harmful. Research shows that it’s good for children to grow up if they witness some positive marital conflict in moderation. So, how should parents use positive methods to resolve conflicts with each other and reduce harmful radiation to their children? 001 Don’t use children as weapons. When there are conflicts between husband and wife, it is important not to instigate or instigate children\’s feelings for their spouse, or let the children choose whose side they side with in order to get revenge on the other party. Which one is right and which one is wrong? How to choose? Such behavior will only make children feel guilty, helpless and confused. 002 Avoid making children the mediators. When conflicts arise between parents, children will inevitably sometimes take on the role of \”amateur marriage counselor\” or \”referee\” out of fear and are eager to do something to change the status quo. However, the unity of the entire family is a difficult task for children. Therefore, it is best for parents not to let their children become a \”microphone\” for them to convey information to each other, or to let their children keep secrets from their significant other, because this implicitly conveys to their children the illusion that family members are untrustworthy. 003 Let the children know when conflicts are resolved. When parents argue, children feel pain; when parents reconcile, children feel relieved. Data show that the effects of reconciliation between parents vary on children. For example, if parents reach reconciliation by apologizing to each other, children will respond more positively. Family conflicts are inevitable, and how to minimize the harm to children is a real test of parents’ wisdom. The couple should face the problem head-on and find a suitable time to be honest with each other, rather than involving the child in the adult whirlpool. Home is a place that talks about love rather than being unreasonable. If everything is won or lost based on theory, then home is no longer a haven of love, but a \”court\” for tit-for-tat. ②『Scaffolding Education』 The original meaning of \”scaffolding\” is the scaffolding used in the construction industry. \”Scaffolding Education\” is used as a metaphor for a conceptual framework that assists in solving children\’s problems and constructing meaning. The five-step method of emotion management training proposed by the author in the book, which has far-reaching significance for the cultivation of children\’s emotional intelligence education. It is divided into the following five steps: 001 Be aware of the problem. The detection of emotional problems involves observing oneself and others. On the one hand, parents can cultivate their ability to self-aware of problems through deliberate practice such as meditation, drawing, and emotional journaling. For example, use the record of the emotion list as a \”barometer\” to label your emotions. For example, if your child fails an exam, do you feel angry or sad? By recording in time and visually presenting emotions that are easily overlooked and seemingly mysterious, you can make them more controllable. On the other hand, as their own perceptual abilities improve, parents will become more sensitive to the situations in which their children express their feelings, and then analyze and understand the behaviors behind the emotions. 002 Understanding comes first. When children have abnormal emotions, parents should avoid \”one size fits all\” and deny the irrationality of their children\’s behavior based on past experiences. For example, if a child loses a beloved pet, it is best not to say something like \”What\’s the big deal?\” We should fully understand that joy, anger, sorrow and joy are normal reactions for everyone, and children are no exception. 003 Adjust posture. Whether it\’s a popped balloon or an unsatisfactory report card, the time when a child expresses negative emotions is when he or she needs his or her parents the most. In order to let your children feel your attention, in addition to paying attention to changes in their body language and facial expressions, it is best for parents to also adjust their posture. For example, keep your eyes level, relaxed and focused, instead of just focusing on the task at hand but being perfunctory with your child. 004 Define emotion. After children express their feelings, parents can define and respond to them through \”mapping,\” which involves repeating what they hear and what they observe. It should be noted that simply sharing what you have seen and heard is more conducive to the development of the conversation than probing questions. For example, instead of asking your child why they are sad, wait for their response by saying, \”You look tired,\” or \”I notice you frown when exams are mentioned.\” In addition, parents should try to avoid asking questions for which they already know the answers, such as: \”What time did you come back last night?\” Because this distrustful tone is like a trap, waiting for the child to \”reveal his true colors.\” The best thing to do is to express your true thoughts straight to the point – \”You didn\’t come back until after one in the morning, which makes me worried.\” 005 delineate behavior. \”Allow all emotions but not all behaviors.\” Empathy for children does not mean condoning their arbitrary behaviors. To do this, we need to: First, draw boundaries. Second, confirm the goal. Third, think about and evaluate options. For example, a child may feel depressed because he is isolated from his peers. At this time, the first thing parents should do is not to scold their children loudly, but to analyze their demands with their children on the basis of empathy, and then use brainstorming methods to encourage children to come up with their own solutions through thinking. Finally, games and Use role-playing to discuss the feasibility of the plan with your children. To sum up, although parents do not need a certificate to work, successful parent-child education is the lifelong wealth of every family. That’s all today’s sharing, I hope it can giveYou bring inspiration.