10 \”knives\” from modern family education experience, knives are deadly

Education, in a sense, is also an investment. It\’s just that if you make a wrong investment in money, you can reduce your position and stop the loss. But if you make a wrong investment in education, you can\’t close your account and start over. Deep love, deep responsibility. Family education experience: Zheng Yuanjie’s full set of family education lessons MP3 [Complete 41 episodes] \”How to make your child a good person\” \”How to make your child better\” The parenting anxiety caused by various educational goals makes Parents become \”invisible executioners\” with sharp blades in their hands, quietly cutting off their children\’s wings to fly. Reserved Chinese parents more or less express their love for their children in the wrong way. When family education turns into the following ten \”knives\”, it will hurt the children the most. The first knife: Too much care makes children not know how to cherish them. There is a kind of parents who are like \”helicopters\”, hovering over their children, monitoring their every move at all times, and doing everything possible to arrange good clothes and clothes for their children. Food, shelter and transportation. \”Helicopter parents\” are undoubtedly typical representatives of over-care for their children. Wang Yue is this kind of parent. She devotes everything she has to her two sons. If your child likes a toy, buy it without saying a word, and you won’t want your child to suffer the slightest injustice. But this kind and loving mother did not get an obedient and well-behaved baby. When her two sons were slightly dissatisfied, they would lie dead and cry in front of everyone. When meeting familiar elders, they never say hello, and even put their favorite food into other people\’s bowls when eating. If parents give enough care, their children will be optimistic, confident, lively and cheerful, and good at handling interpersonal relationships. Parents give their children excessive care, blur the boundaries between them and their children, and lose the sense of balance between parents and children. The greatest sorrow of Chinese parents is that they give their children all the love, but they cannot raise children who cherish and appreciate them. The second knife: Too much nagging makes children rebellious. There are too many parents in life who nag their children to do this or that, but the children turn a deaf ear and ignore them. Xiaozhi\’s mother likes to nag. She can say the same thing three or five times until Xiaozhi has to do what she wants. Under the \”influence\” of his mother, Xiaozhi also became like this when communicating with others, not allowing others to interrupt and talking endlessly. Thomas Hood said: \”A minute of thinking is worth an hour of nagging.\” Faced with their parents\’ nagging, why do children rebel against their parents? Because parents always talk about the same thing, and those few words can\’t solve any problem. Nagging and repeating, unable to say anything meaningful, like a repeater, with no ability to communicate. The tone of nagging is always forcing, blaming, and complaining. Who can like it? Over time, not only will the parent-child relationship become tense, but the child\’s personality will also undergo great changes. The third knife: Too much intervention makes children lack autonomy. \”Mom loves me, but I am so tired.\” Wu Tong himself did not gain much freedom in dressing until high school. He used to wear clothes prepared by his mother. At an age when his metabolism was strong, he would get hot every day. It was not until he went to college that Wu Tong learned the normal things in life, such as folding quilts, tying shoelaces, and tidying up the room. Mom even controls Wu Tong\’s social life, he doesn\’tMy friend doesn\’t like to talk, eats alone, goes home alone, and is always submissive in class. Wu Tong knew that everything came from love, but his mother\’s excessive interference almost made him collapse. Parents are the guardians, mentors and protectors of their children\’s growth. The guardian\’s responsibility is to protect rather than replace, just like parents cannot study or take exams for their children. Children must learn to walk the road of life on their own, just let them do more. Stop over-intervention, give your children a solid and warm embrace unconditionally when they are hurt and helpless, and accompany them with acceptance and support. The fourth knife: Too many expectations make it difficult for children to bear. Living in such a modern social environment, parents’ anxiety is inevitable. Even if you don’t want to force your children, public opinion will crush you. When I hear that other people\’s children are in Cambridge, Harvard, or Ivy League, I can\’t wait to drag their parents to give a lecture. A parent once said this in a WeChat group: \”Who am I to worry about if you tell me not to be anxious? The whole class is working hard, and I just want my children not to fall behind. Is this wrong?\” Of course it is. . But there is a fundamental difference between creating learning conditions for children to the best of our ability and accepting all possibilities of children; and being a crazy chicken who sends children from the bottom of the class to Cambridge or Harvard. Parents must first accept themselves as ordinary people, understand their children, and let go of unrealistic expectations and fantasies. In a group, children are willing to fight for everything they want and work hard for it; when there are many people, they know their weaknesses and strengths and know how to be down-to-earth. Perhaps this kind of education can better reflect the success of parents. When a person reaches middle age, if he puts all his anxieties about life, uneasiness about the future, physical and mental exhaustion, and disappointment in his partner on the growth and excellence of his children, this is an extremely dangerous thing. You are just crazy. The fifth knife: Too much blame makes the child lose motivation. Every blame that is not understood is like a knot, no matter how long it has passed, it remains. In most cases, it is difficult for parents to maintain a calm and objective attitude towards their children all year round. Some parents even never realize their mistakes throughout their lives. To this day, Leilei can still have nightmares about her father\’s scolding and her mother\’s cold eyes, and then wake up crying. She also always wonders, why can\’t my mother comfort me when I need it? It was obvious that she had been wronged, and when she talked to her mother, the answer she got was always: \”Why are you the only one who is wronged when others are not wronged? It must be because you didn\’t do the job well…\” These nonsensical accusations all turned into thorns in Lei\’s face. Lei\’s sharp knives pierced the child\’s body. Leilei\’s mother always stands on the moral high ground: \”Scolding you is also for your own good. Scolding you is to let you know yourself clearly.\” Sometimes, parents don\’t know that accusations that they themselves don\’t think are hurtful will turn into A psychological suggestion deeply affects this child. It’s not that the child doesn’t want to change, it’s just that the child has lost motivation and has been unable to get out of the shadow of low self-esteem. There is a saying that makes people feel sad: don’t be a woman like your mother, don’t marry a man like your father, and don’t have children like yourself. When you use words to denigrate him intoNo matter what, he might become like that. You hate his low self-esteem and hope that he will be sunny and cheerful, but who would extend the knife to the child? The 6th Knife: Too much accommodation makes children do not know restraint. Why do many people still feel that they cannot eat even when they are adults, and their parents help them walk around? Children always feel that no matter what mistakes they make, their parents will always take care of them and nothing will happen. Xiaojie didn\’t get rid of this morbid mentality until he was nearly 30 years old and encountered several major setbacks. The word \”accommodate\” itself has hidden dangers. Blindly accommodating a child can only push him into the abyss. The children who shouted \”My father is Li Gang\” back then were deeply poisoned by this mentality. The fundamental reason for the formation of such a mentality is that parents blindly accommodate their children. Some parents always feel that they owe their children too much and feel sorry for their children. Always tolerate and accommodate children\’s unreasonable demands for food and daily life. If a child becomes angry, anxious, and out of breath crying, that would be terrible, and the parents would be heartbroken. It is not scary for children to make mistakes. Mistakes themselves are a beautiful thing and can help children grow better. But when a child gets into trouble, he always excuses the child by saying: \”This trivial matter is too big a fuss, right?\” He will never grow up. Parents should let their children experience the chaotic situation in which they create their own messes and have to clean up the messes after losing the protection of their parents, so that their children can learn how to solve problems independently and avoid risks. Nothing can be achieved without rules. Your restraint and discipline today is to prevent your children from being beaten by society tomorrow. The 7th Knife: Too much care makes children threaten parents. Zhou Guoping once said: \”Don\’t care too much about some people. The more you care, the humbler you are.\” No parent does not care about his children. Care is due to responsibility and love. Sometimes, parents\’ concern becomes a handle in their children\’s hands. Taotao never blackmails her parents about going to school, because this trick works every time. As soon as he said he would not go to school, his parents would give in. This has become a \”cat and mouse\” game between him and his parents. Taotao\’s purpose in doing this is nothing more than to attract the attention of her parents and achieve some of her own goals. Parents who want to break this curse cycle need to understand one truth: for an actor, the worst thing is not that the performance is not good, but that there is no audience at all. When a child threatens you, walk away expressionlessly and ignore the child\’s threats. Being out of sight of the child makes his audience disappear and prevents him from observing the parent\’s reaction. When a behavior is meaningless to a child, the behavior will naturally gradually disappear, and he will naturally look for other ways to express his needs. Today\’s children are very smart, especially those aged 5 or 6, who are already very good at observing words and emotions. Therefore, we must communicate effectively with them, but we must avoid preaching. Use storybook explanations to help them understand that threats are wrong. Only when they know that the threat is wrong and they feel disgusted by the threat will they truly correct it. A healthy communication model needs to be established between parents and children. Parents should clarify some principles for their children and establishRules let children know what they can and cannot do. Parents can take the initiative to fulfill their children\’s small wishes, instead of giving them after their children threaten and plead. The 8th Knife: Too much enjoyment makes children ignorant of frugality. \”For every porridge and meal, remember that it is not easy to get there; half a thread, half a thread, and always remember that material resources are difficult.\” Frugality is an indispensable virtue for a person. Nowadays, children have changed their pencil boxes one after another. They discard the pencils after writing half of them and just throw them away. The waste of food in school lunches is serious. Materials were scarce in your parents\’ generation. Even if you don\’t have the habit of thrifting, the whole environment will make you frugal. Nowadays, materially speaking, most children have endless clothes, endless snacks, and various toys since birth. Children don’t know what embarrassment caused by scarcity is. They don’t need to be frugal, so naturally they won’t be frugal. Being frugal does not mean being stingy, but there is no need to be extravagant and wasteful. For example, parents can cultivate some good habits in their children: turn off the faucet when washing hands and brushing teeth, and eat as much as you can when eating, without extravagance and waste. Mr. Wang Yongqing, the god of business in Taiwan, gives advice to young people: Every penny is hard-earned. Parents should cultivate their children\’s correct concepts of consumption, financial management and values ​​from an early age. Let children understand the importance of items, make the best use of them, and understand that things are not easy to come by. The 9th Knife: Too much satisfaction makes children lack happiness. Wenwen had a childhood where \”everything you want can be obtained.\” Toys, snacks, books, as long as she talks to her father, she will definitely see them when she comes home at night. When Wenwen was young, she could spend the New Year\’s money on her own, and there was no such thing as \”mom save it for you first\”. It sounds like she is very happy, but in fact Wenwen\’s parents divorced when she was 8 years old. Wenwen\’s father adopts a long-term free-range attitude towards her: as long as it does not affect her studies, Wenwen can go and play as she pleases after school, as long as it is something he can pay for, whatever Wenwen wants. Wenwen rarely sees her father. Although she lives in the same house, she seems to be living in two spaces with time differences. In the morning, Wenwen went out, but her father hadn\’t gotten up yet; in the evening, Wenwen went to bed, but her father hadn\’t come back yet. Their communication basically consisted of Wenwen leaving a note on the table, writing down what fees the school would have to pay tomorrow, or what she needed. There will be money on the table the next day. Psychological research tells us: Needs arise from lack. When Wenwen was a child, did she really need those toys that she could only play with for a few days and candies that would make her tired after just a few bites? In fact, she just wants the love of her parents; truly excellent parents will allow their children to have a rich spiritual world from an early age. It\’s okay to have some material scarcity, but let your children know your love and the ability to feel happiness is more valuable than happiness itself. The 10th Knife: Too much pampering prevents children from growing up. Old people often say: \”A spoiled child is like a child killed.\” It\’s absolutely true. Ever since he was a child, Li Min had always owned anything delicious or fun at home. What my mother often says to her brothers and sisters is: Minzi is in poor health, but you are in good health, so let him take care of himself. Li Min has been quarreling with his parents from time to time throughout his life, saying that his parents are partial and don\’t give him enough of this kind of thing and not enough of that kind of thing. Human desires are endless, as long asIf you keep satisfying him, his ambition will expand to the point where it will swallow up everything around him like a black hole. Excessive spoiling will cause children to be self-centered and selfish, thinking only about themselves and ignoring others. Excessive spoiling will cause children to get used to asking for things but not want to pay, and will not know how to be grateful, and become white-eyed wolves. Children who grow up with excessive pampering are like giant babies and have difficulty adapting to this society. Parents should learn to distinguish the difference between \”unconditional love\” and \”doting\”. Unconditional love is unconditional and principled; love that seeks repayment and has boundaries satisfies children; doting is conditional and unprincipled; love that seeks repayment and has no boundaries satisfies parents. Parents who dote on their children never understand that children\’s lives, like children\’s studies, require abilities. Doting will only delay the child\’s time and deprive the child of the opportunity to grow. We live in the 21st century, but the way parents educate their children is often still stuck in the 1980s. Educating children is like cooking, each dish and each stage of the dish requires a different level of heat. Children of all ages cannot underestimate the psychological needs of children, otherwise they will lay huge landmines and produce a series of explosive reactions. Education is a long practice. Not only children must learn, but parents must also continue to learn and grow.