10 little things that parents unknowingly do to their children

On weekdays, we often hear parents complaining about various problems in their children: laziness, inability to sit still, not liking to study, not taking things seriously, looking at their mobile phones all day long… But we forget that most of their children’s problems are You can find the answer from your parents. As Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental Education Group, said in a speech: \”Eighty to ninety percent of the reasons why children have problems come from their parents. If you are a good parent, your children will be better. I hope We should first make ourselves qualified parents. Even though I am not qualified myself, at least we should make efforts. Our children are the most keen observers. They will use their eyes to see, their ears to listen, and their actions to imitate. Some of the parents’ Words and deeds may seem innocuous, but they affect children all the time. Especially the following 10 little things, parents must not do them again. As soon as my father comes home, he collapses on the sofa and plays with his mobile phone. Tolstoy once said: \”All education , or 999 out of 1000 education comes down to role models, and to the parents’ own correctness and perfection. \”Seeing their children never leaving their phones, parents get angry and feel that their children are too undisciplined. But in fact, in many families, the father\’s \”mobile phone addiction\” is more serious than the child\’s: the first thing he does after returning home every day is The thing is not to wash your hands, but to lie down on the sofa, take out your phone and start playing. Usually when eating, washing, or going to the toilet, your eyes are glued to the screen. Such behavior not only sets a bad example for children, but also It destroys the learning atmosphere at home and gives children an excuse not to study. Therefore, as parents, instead of telling your children big principles, it is better to set a good example for your children. Play less games and watch less videos. It won’t take long for you to You will be pleasantly surprised to find that your child is already on the path of consciousness and diligence. Dad never shares the housework. How many families have a \”division of labor\” like this: Mom washes and hangs clothes, while Dad sits motionless on the sofa; Mom washes While the food was being cooked, my father was busy playing with his mobile phone, and from time to time he would remind me, \”Why isn\’t the food ready yet?\” \”; Mom is sweeping and mopping the floor, and Dad has already snored and fallen asleep… Parents have always been committed to giving their children the best education, but they have ignored the impact of every little thing in life on their children. Research shows that: in a family , the more the father likes to do housework, the more successful the child will be in the future. On the contrary, if the father has never had a good time, the boys in this family will lack a sense of responsibility and do not know how to be considerate of others; the girls will not be confident enough and be afraid of difficulties. , the choice of career is even narrower. You must know that life is all about education. A father who takes the initiative to do housework is the creator of a happy life for his children. Mothers often complain that the writer Liu Jirong shared a past incident of his own: For a while, my husband Working out of town, she had to go to work alone and take care of her children at the same time. She was so busy that her feet hit the back of her head and she felt a lot of complaints in her heart. Therefore, when she came home from work every day, she would have a sad face, and she would always be busy doing laundry and cooking. Sighing. Not only that, she often called her friends to complain, crying about her difficulties as an employee and the exhaustion of working mothers. Until one day, Liu Jirong overheard a conversation between her son and his classmates. The son used her wordsKiss said: \”I have no sense of happiness, how can I laugh, life is too bitter…\” At this moment, she realized: her complaints were like leeches, sucking away the child\’s happiness, leaving only a full of negative energy. Psychologist Li Xue said: \”Complaining about one\’s misfortunes is one of the most effective ways to destroy children.\” Children are natural energy receivers. If a mother has an optimistic attitude and does not complain or complain, her children will have the confidence to move forward bravely when facing difficulties and ups and downs. Dad gets angry when he disagrees. Researchers at the University of Cambridge in the UK conducted a series of experiments on the relationship between heredity and personality. The results show that a child\’s intelligence is greatly influenced by his mother, while his personality is mainly influenced by his father. If the father has a gentle temper, the child will naturally learn to speak well; if the father has a bad temper, the child will learn to communicate with yelling and fisting. My best friend who is a class teacher told me that there is a little boy in her class who often bullies his classmates. One time, my best friend invited the boy\’s father to come to school for a talk. Unexpectedly, when the father saw his son, he slapped him without saying a word: \”If you dare to hit your classmates again, I will beat you to death when I get home!\” Bad emotions are passed down from generation to generation between parents and children. The book \”Raising Boys\” writes: \”The most important lesson a father teaches his children is how to control their emotions.\” Turn your temper into a soft and gentle family, and strive to create a warm and relaxed family environment for your children. Only in this way can education achieve twice the result with half the effort. Mothers always nag their children. As the saying goes, if you raise a child for a hundred years, you will have ninety-nine worries. After becoming mothers, we always seem to have endless things to worry about, so that when we see our children, we can’t help but repeatedly exhort, remind, and supervise them. But the result is that the more nagging the mother is, the more rebellious the child becomes. In the program \”Teacher Please Answer\”, there is such a mother and son: the child fails to do well in the exam, the mother nags him; the child writes slowly, the mother nags him; the child writes incorrectly, the mother continues to nag him… But the child Woolen cloth? Not only did he not get better, but he became addicted to lying and had no consciousness of learning. When the teacher assigned homework, the son would copy the answers to make a fool of himself. What made the mother even more angry was that sometimes the answers were copied serially, and the son would insist that he wrote them himself. For this reason, mother and son quarrel every day. Regarding nagging, the \”over-limit effect\” in psychology has long reminded us that when the stimulation is too much, too strong, or takes too long, it will only stimulate the other person\’s rebellious psychology. If you want your children to grow up with self-discipline and efficiency, parents must learn to cook more and talk less. In the opinion of Zheng Qijuan, a family education instructor: \”Many parents take care of everything for their children. Their original intention is to give their children the best care, but they prevent their children from developing their normal psychology and abilities.\” They are indifferent. Of course, parents are unqualified; but sometimes, a pair of caring parents can be a kind of harm to their children. When you are 6 years old, your child is going to school. Before going out, you help him put on his shoes, tie his shoelaces, and put his schoolbag on your shoulders. When you are 12 years old, your child wants to wash his own clothes, and you snatch it away. Say, \”Little ancestor, you can just watch TV.\” When your child arrives at university at the age of 18, he just finds a place to sit while you pant and help him go through the formalities, spread the sheets, and clean the dormitory.…In the end, parents’ overbearing responsibilities not only destroy their children’s ability to take care of themselves, but also kill their gratitude. There are some things that children will never understand if their parents don\’t teach them. Parents who refuse to let go will never raise independent and grateful children. Parents often yell at their children. A primary school student described his mother in an essay: \”The hair stands upright, like shining golden needles, and it feels like it will prick you at any time.\” \”The eyes are the most terrifying, staring at you and spurting out The flaming snakes are about to burn people to death.\” \”The most terrifying thing is the mouth. It\’s like a volcano erupting. The words he speaks are like flames and can burn people to death…\” When parents grow up When yelling, the child actually cannot learn any lesson or reason from it. That little person will only be cut black and blue by the sharp blade of emotion. Over time, children will become more and more cautious, timid, and have low self-esteem to the core. There is a saying that goes well: \”Every child is dancing on the tip of their parents\’ tongues.\” From today on, speak well and leave the best emotions to the children you love most. Only then can children have something to rely on and dreams to have. Habitat. Parents love to compare their children with others. \”Youth Blue Book\” once conducted a survey on \”the words that children least like to say from their parents.\” Surprisingly, nearly half of the children made the same choice: \”Look at other people\’s children.\” In the eyes of many parents, other people\’s children are obedient, sensible, and learn well. They read books every day and never play with mobile phones. Go to bed early and get up early, and still rush to do housework. But for children, \”other people\’s children\” is like a curse, which will only cause endless pressure on themselves. Every child has his own growth pattern. As the saying goes, although plum blossoms are less white than snow, snow is less fragrant than plum blossoms. Instead of using comparison to make your child feel inferior, sensitive, and competitive, it is better to accept him for who he is and let him shine on his own stage. Mom always makes her child wait for a while. Recently, I discovered that my son has a bad habit, that is, no matter what he is asked to do, he takes a long time to do it. I was a little angry and asked him why he couldn\’t go right away. But my son said: \”I learned it from you!\” I was stunned for a moment, and then I remembered: Recently, because the elderly at home are sick, I have been busy running around work, hospital and home. Every time my son asks me something , I always asked him to \”wait a moment\” or \”Mom will tell you later.\” Unexpectedly, my subsequent perfunctory words actually caused the child to procrastinate and dillydally. Fortunately, the code of parents’ spiritual practice is also hidden in children’s misbehavior. After realizing this, I decided to respond promptly to my children\’s needs in the future, be more patient, and be more attentive. Leading children with the power of example is always the most effective education. I read a piece of news that left a deep impression on me: When a woman in Shanghai was watching a movie in a cinema, the little boy in the back row kept kicking her seat for 20 minutes. During this period, the woman repeatedly tried to stop him verbally. Unexpectedly, when the lady reminded the boy for the last time, the boy\’s father suddenly kicked the lady\’s chair back hard, causing the chair back to hit her hard on the back of the head. What’s even more infuriating is:When the woman asked the boy\’s family to apologize, not only did the family not apologize at all, but the boy\’s father even rushed over and beat her. When a child is young, the family is his window to see the world. If the parents are distorted, the children will be distorted. Therefore, we must always remind ourselves to abide by social ethics and restrain our own behavior. In this way, you can gain a polite and well-educated child. Host Bai Yansong once said: \”Being a parent does not mean you are a qualified parent physically. Parents need lifelong learning.\” Behavior forms habits, habits form character, and character determines destiny. Many times, it is the words, deeds and actions of parents in their daily lives that determine the future path of their children. Education is a rugged journey. For the sake of our children, all parents are asked to continue to temper and accumulate, cultivate themselves into role models in the hearts of their children, and guide them forward. Light up \”Like\” and hope that we can all use every bit of education to pave a blossoming future for our children.