12 rules for parents on how to educate their children: Always let your children see hope

The \”Twelve Rules\” are derived from the characteristics of children\’s psychological development. For professional educators who are familiar with the physical and mental growth of children, these are just the most basic common sense. In the United States, many ordinary parents will also receive training through consulting school teachers, counselors or participating in volunteer services in children\’s organizations, and master more professional educational rules and apply them to family education. Therefore, these laws run through American children’s education from society, schools, and families. No matter where there are exceptions, there will also be anachronistic families in the United States who educate their children in ways that are inconsistent with the prevailing rules of society. Some new immigrant families still discipline their children according to the rules of their motherland because they do not understand the laws of the United States. The cultural traditions of the motherland brought by immigrants should be passed on to children, but they should also follow the local customs and integrate with the overseas society they live in today. Appropriate adjustments must be made in the expectations and training methods of future generations. Otherwise, the more parents spend more efforts on education, the more they will deviate from the mainstream laws of society, and it will be difficult for the children they cultivate to adapt to the needs of American society. Some parents may even break the law because of excessive or improper discipline, which may lead to suspicion of abuse. Browsing through these rules, many of them are actually not inconsistent with the way we Chinese teach our children, but we need to know how to adapt to the social environment when implementing them. But there are also some things that the Chinese lack and need to make up for or overcorrect. The application of these laws will be analyzed one by one below. First, the law of belonging: ensuring that children grow up in a healthy family environment seems self-evident. Which parent doesn’t want to create a healthy environment for their children? But in fact, this is not always the case. Some parents have this intention but don’t know how to do it. For example, over-indulging, pampering and submissive children, letting them eat and play blindly, not exercising or working, develop unhealthy living habits. When children become indolent or indulge in certain hobbies (such as video games), the culprit is mostly the instigation of their parents. There are conflicts and frequent quarrels between parents, which is also a very abnormal and unhealthy environment. If parents beat and scold their children, it is considered abuse and is extremely detrimental to the child\’s physical and mental health. Broken families and long-term separation families make children lack a sense of belonging. If family changes are unavoidable, parents should use positive and healthy methods to comfort and guide their children, and should not take extreme measures such as neglecting discipline, doting or being overly strict, let alone taking anger out on their children due to family breakdown. Second, the law of hope: Always let your children see hope. Parents place hope on their children, but do they always use positive words of encouragement to let their children see hope? If a parent likes to shout to his children: \”Why are you so stupid\”, \”You are so worthless\”, \”You are hopeless\” and other words, if you think about it from the child\’s perspective, can you see hope? Everyone knows that Americans are good at saying nice things, especially to children. No matter what they do, they often praise them by saying: \”Well done\”, \”Awesome\”, \”You are really a genius\” and so on. This is using the Law of Hope to positively motivate your children. Chinese parents have high expectations for their children, but are not good at using the Law of Hope. Instead, they like to find gaps and find faults. Their children get 95 points, but they insist on finding out why they lost 5 points.Such high standards and strict requirements may be counterproductive, killing many of the children\’s hopes and discouraging them. Third, the law of strength: Never compete with children. Adults are always stronger than children, whether they are competing for physical strength or intelligence and experience. Therefore, the competition between adults and children is inherently unequal, and victory is not honorable. Of course, adults can compete with children in some specific events that they are good at, such as playing chess, etc., but the goal should not be to win or lose entirely. Parents, teachers, and adults who have a close relationship with their children should not use methods such as getting angry or competing with children to stimulate them. For children who are in an immature psychological and emotional stage, the \”stimulation method\” is inappropriate. If children quarrel and get angry with adults, adults should take the initiative to reconcile with them no matter who is right. Adults must also have the courage to admit their mistakes, especially for children, and they must apologize and admit their mistakes in a timely manner. If parents know their mistakes and refuse to correct them or admit them, and feel that it is embarrassing to admit their mistakes in front of their children, they will also learn to be stubborn. Fourth, the law of management: before the child reaches adulthood, it is the responsibility of the parents to control them. Underage children have immature self-control, so parents must take the responsibility to control them. However, this kind of control should be full of affection, humaneness, science and rationality, and children should not be treated as private property to be repaired and manipulated at will. Nor should you use simple and rude commands, without taking into account or respecting the child\’s ideas and personality. On the other hand, underage children regard their parents as their support. Reasonable discipline and care will make children feel safe and supported, and they will turn to their parents for help when encountering problems or crises. If parents usually let their children do everything (academic studies, performance, hobbies, etc.) too much, it seems that they are giving their children more freedom, but the children will feel that the parents \”don\’t care\” about them and become alienated. Fifth, the law of voice: Treat children equally, give them the right to speak, and listen to their voices before they can speak their true thoughts. If adults do not respect children\’s ideas and ignore their voices, over time, they will not dare to tell the truth to their parents and will not like to communicate with their parents. Parents are role models for their children. If parents do not listen patiently to their children, their children will follow suit and refuse to listen to adults, and may not even know how to respect others. For young children, adults should talk to them patiently even if they don\’t understand what they say. Any behavior that rudely interrupts or ridicules their speech will be harmful to children. It may affect their ability to express themselves and make them shy to speak in front of others. On the contrary, it may also make children have to interrupt inappropriately to attract the attention of adults. Sixth, the law of example: Teaching by words and deeds has a huge role model effect on children. \”Lead by example and teach by words and deeds\” is universally applicable. It is extremely important for parents to be careful about their words and deeds. Most of their children\’s upbringing, interests, hobbies, etc. are influenced by the environment in which they grew up. The influence of mothers on girls and fathers on boys is quite important. The absence of both parents or the separation of parents and children for too long is obviously detrimental to the growth of the child. In addition to role models within the family, we should also pay attention to the impact of social relationships and frequent occasions on children, so parents should be careful when making friends. For teenagers, the influence of peers is more important than that of parents.What kind of friends often determine a person\’s life path. Parents should also pay attention to the media and movies that their children like to watch and understand what their idols are like. If you find that your children have made bad friends by mistake, do not arbitrarily stop them from interacting with each other, but understand the situation. Children all need friendship and are afraid of being alone. Some children have no friends because they have moved to a new environment, or Chinese children are discriminated against by whites and associate with some \”marginal children\”. Parents should still be grateful to these \”friends\” for helping their children cope with loneliness, but they should also let their children recognize their strengths and weaknesses and try to influence them positively. In addition, parents should find and expand new healthy friendship circles for their children. Parents should find ways to get to know their children\’s teachers and classmates\’ parents, and encourage their children to participate in healthy activities inside and outside school. Seventh, the rule of seeking common ground while reserving differences: respect children’s views on the world, and try to understand that children and adults often have different views, and they will have many unconventional fantasies. In fact, these are the cuteness of children\’s innocence. If adults think that children\’s ideas are strange and pour cold water on them, it will stifle their imagination and curiosity, and also make them disappointed because they cannot understand. Many times, only innocent children have objective views and dare to tell the truth. Children\’s words are unbridled. It is necessary to combine the \”Law of Sound\” to encourage children to dare to express and positively affirm their ideas. Of course, if some opinions and statements are out of touch with reality or may cause trouble, we must patiently explain them. Children with immature thoughts and ways of thinking are often unable to think in multiple directions and will only continue their own ideas, so they do not consider things thoroughly. Parents should understand the characteristics of children\’s thinking as much as possible. They can use the method of breaking down complex things and simplifying them, and explain to them or solicit their opinions in batches. All matters related to the children themselves, such as moving to another school, choosing extracurricular activities, participating in exams and competitions, etc., must be discussed and explained to the children in advance. Even if the children\’s opinions cannot be fully followed, they must be made to feel that their parents have solicited their opinions. . Otherwise, parents’ good intentions may not be rewarded. Eighth, the law of punishment: It is easy for children to develop rebellious and revengeful psychology. Use simple punishment with caution, especially corporal punishment. It is a very negative and poor way of education, and it is also uncivilized. Many children who have been violently punished since childhood will tend to make huge profits when they grow up. Therefore, the use of punitive methods is not recommended. But it is not impossible to criticize children, and you can also use appropriate methods to punish them. But the premise is that the child must realize that he has done something wrong and be willing to accept the punishment so that he will not be the same again. The method of punishment must also be reasonable. You can prevent them from doing the things they like, for example, you can punish them by not allowing them to watch TV or play games online for a few days; but you must not deprive your children of food or make them stand for several hours. Beating and scolding is even illegal. Also, since even children know that punishment is negative, never treat something positive that should be done as punishment. For example, punishing children to work will make them think that labor is a bad thing and create disgust. There was a Chinese parent who thought that his young daughter refused to sleep, so he punished her by writing fifty Chinese characters or doing ten arithmetic problems. The child was forced to do her homework, and of course she would doze off, so she was punished again.go to sleep. This may temporarily achieve the purpose of letting her sleep, but it will make the child regard doing homework and sleeping as a form of punishment. Once he does these things, he will feel like he is being punished, causing a psychological shadow. Then he will still like to write Chinese in the future. Do arithmetic? Even sleep can be disrupted. Ninth, the law of consequences: Let children understand the possible consequences of their actions. Sometimes, when children get into trouble or want to do something unconventional, even adults do not understand the consequences and harm, so they blame or stop the children. This is of course unconvincing. In order to educate children to be convinced, parents, teachers and other adults must first think carefully about the causes and consequences of everything, and then have a good talk with the children. You can start with the good and bad consequences, and in turn explain whether they should do this or not. Xiaozhi Reason, the child will understand. In fact, the consequences are not all negative. Adults have more experience than children and should be more predictable. For example, when guiding their children to choose areas of interest or apply for schools, parents can do some research on the prospects and encourage their children to develop in what direction based on their characteristics. However, if you do not analyze and think through your own mind, just following the crowd and following the trend of others is not an effective method of analyzing consequences and will often delay your children. Tenth, structural law: teach children to understand the boundaries between morality and law from an early age. Law is the guarantee for the stability of social structure. I think it is more important for new immigrant parents to educate themselves first. Because in a legal society like the United States, it is not too difficult to educate children to do this. Children have been influenced by all aspects since they were young, and they have a moral and legal bottom line in their hearts, which often affects their parents in turn. Some people may think that the United States is very open, but in fact, most Americans do not go beyond the bottom line when it comes to moral feelings, family responsibilities, sexual behavior, etc., and few people commit corruption and break the law because they help relatives and friends in social relations. Because they have principles in their hearts and know that crossing the line is a crime, and they cannot break the law just to accommodate their relatives. However, because Chinese society does not have such a strict legal concept, Chinese parents need to check whether their words and deeds exceed these bottom lines. If they cannot set an example for their children to abide by the law, then the children will have no authority and behave lawlessly. No rules. A Chinese parent once complained that his daughter in high school had become a \”problem girl\” who skipped school and home. When I heard this parent bragging in front of his children about his \”glorious achievements\” such as how he brought banned items into the United States, I couldn\’t help but wonder. Wondering why her child flouted school rules. Many behaviors that are regarded as \”skills\” in China are against the law or moral bottom line in the United States. Eleventh, the twenty-yard rule: respect your child’s independent tendencies and keep at least twenty yards away from them. The “twenty yards” is a symbol that shows that Americans pay attention to cultivating children’s independence from an early age and leaving children with psychological space. Parents don\’t have to surround their children everywhere. You think you care about them, but the children think the parents are too controlling. Children should also be allowed to maintain their own privacy and have their own initiative and decision-making power. Of course, parents still have to watch from 20 yards away and be ready to cut in at any time, but cannot run away and let go 200 yards or 200 miles away. Twelve, four W methodPrinciple: You must know who your children are with at all times, where they are, what they are doing, and when they will go home. Some parents seem to worry a lot about their children, but they don’t know With these things about the child, this is not a good parent. Only when all the above rules are fulfilled can children be willing to tell the truth to their parents and parents can understand these W\’s. Children who grow up in the Internet age are inseparable from online communication. Parents should also pay attention to these W\’s in the online world. It is not impossible for children to make friends online, but they cannot hide it from their parents, especially they cannot meet online friends behind their backs. Parents should not arbitrarily prohibit their children from making friends in different ways, but try to understand these friends. Moreover, parents themselves should also set an example and promptly inform family members of these W’s when they go out for business or private reasons. Doing so will also make children feel that it is their duty to tell their family members these W’s. With enough common sense, you will not be so panicked. Regarding family education, many people think that they are not the problem and that parents must love their children. But what I want to say is that there are many examples that tell us that a healthy family does not mean a sound family education. In the face of unknowns and changes, we need to constantly reflect on our views on parenting and what is a good education for our children. Don\’t blindly pursue other people\’s children, and don\’t be disturbed by troubles.