14-year-old girl commits suicide live: Mom’s moodiness is 10,000 times worse than bad temper

What I’m going to talk about today is an old news story. Although it’s been almost a year, it’s still embarrassing to read carefully: On January 22, 2017, a 14-year-old Miami girl, Nakia, broadcast her suicide speech and suicide process online. . Many netizens watched, some tried hard to dissuade her, while others said Nakia must be faking it to please others. One of the sarcastic people turned out to be Nakia\’s biological mother, Caze! Caze is a single mother who loves her daughter but is emotionally unstable. Caze would yell and curse at her daughter when she spilled milk or fell outside, and would even hit Nakia if she made trouble with her… Caze was also careless about her daughter\’s daily care. Neighbors called the police because she beat her child, and young Nakia was sent to a foster home for a year and a half. Caze was very happy to regain custody of her daughter, but also regretted her previous behavior. She affectionately called Nakia \”my little angel\”, cooked delicious food for her, and bought her beautiful dresses… But after a while , Caze\’s violent temper is back. Caze is emotionally unstable and gets easily angry at Nakia for all the little mistakes she makes in her life, often blaming her emotionally. Not doing well in school, talking too loudly, throwing toys around…etc. The relationship between mother and daughter is very strange… In the first hour, they took photos happily like ordinary mothers and daughters, hugging each other and laughing and saying \”I love you\”. In the next hour, because of the stimulation of a little thing, the two of them can go crazy. They quarreled, threw things at each other, and detailed the wrong things the other party had done to them… The two of them always behaved in extreme ways, sometimes they loved each other, and sometimes they hated each other. When they were separated, they missed each other, but after living together, mother and daughter found each other very annoying and always unreasonable… In the end, after a fierce quarrel, Caze gave up his custody rights, and Nakia once again Being fostered. After learning that her daughter committed suicide, her mother was very sad. She sent a text message to the social worker who took care of her: \”I really don\’t want to live anymore. I tried hard, but my life is hopeless. I\’ve had enough.\” During the live broadcast, Nakia Tell people that her life is terrible, her mother doesn\’t love her, almost no family really wants her, and no place can give her a sense of security… Nakia\’s suicide is undoubtedly a big tragedy, for a young girl, that\’s it Ended his life. Caze, the mother, bears most of the responsibility for this tragedy. After reading the whole story, the saddest thing for me is: it’s not that Caze doesn’t love her daughter, she just doesn’t know how to be a qualified mother. Her attitude towards her children is overly emotional. Her moodiness set the worst example for her children. Two extremely emotional people spent more than ten years together, exhausting each other\’s patience and love. As a result, Caze finally gave up custody… Treating the child too muchBeing emotional is a really bad thing. I know many parents who are like this: when they are in a good mood, no matter what mistakes their children make, they cannot be forgiven, and they just open their mouths to praise their children. For example, if you get a promotion or get a bonus, you can buy gifts to reward your children. If you win at mahjong, give your child pocket money. No matter what the child does at this time, it looks very pleasing to the eye. On the contrary, when you are in a bad mood, you will be very cruel to your children. No matter whether the children have done something wrong or not, you will give them a lesson first to vent their anger. If a child retorts and talks back, he may blame his own unhappiness on the child: It is because of you that I… Ever since I had you, my luck has been bad… Whether the child is rewarded or punished has basically nothing to do with you. Relationships all depend on the mood of the parents. How can such a child get the motivation to make progress? The only thing worse than a bad-tempered parent is a moody parent! My friend Xiao Zhang is a relatively self-centered person with a bad temper and doesn’t like children very much, so she and her husband initially decided to do DINK. But the plan did not change quickly. Two years after their marriage, Xiao Zhang unexpectedly became pregnant, and eventually she gave birth to her daughter Amy. Xiao Zhang especially can\’t stand noisy environments and doesn\’t like the mess in the house. From the time the child was about two years old, she set many strict rules for the child. For example: toys must be put back to their original places and cannot be left around! Otherwise you will be severely punished. Don\’t scream at home, otherwise Xiao Zhang will go crazy! If Xiao Zhang is working overtime at night, Amy can\’t disturb her mother! When eating, you must sit at the table and eat. You cannot run around! …Xiao Zhang summarized nearly 20 demands, large and small, and gave detailed instructions on how to punish her if she broke the rules. She printed these out and stuck them on the refrigerator, reading them one by one to her children, emphasizing them over and over again. Speaking of which, there is nothing wrong with these requirements. They are all behavioral rules that children should abide by. What Xiao Zhang \”confesses\” is that she has a bad temper: once her child breaks a rule, she will be particularly strict and will carry out the punishment according to the agreement without mercy. \”The moment I punished her, I felt that I didn\’t love her. Amy must have felt it. I really felt that I was not a competent mother!\” Xiao Zhang \”confessed\” and \”learned from me\” many times. She spoke so poorly of herself that at one point I almost worried about Amy\’s mental health. But after many contacts with Amy, I found that Amy was very good. She has a very strong sense of rules and is very good at taking care of herself. When playing with children, Amy will formulate more comprehensive game rules and assign roles. She has strong organizational skills and will also take care of other children. Amy almost never had to worry about going to school. She did her homework after school every day and played the piano for half an hour in the evening. She didn\’t need any urging at all. I have a clear idea of ​​what to do at what time, and my time management skills are excellent. Now Amy is in fourth grade, her grades are great, and she is the captain of her class. Amy is confident, cheerful and generous, just like someone else\’s child. According to my analysis, although Xiao Zhang is extremely strict with Amy and reacts violently to her mistakes, sometimes he is simply unreasonable. But there is one thing she does very well, that is, everythingFollow the rules agreed upon in advance. Every time she lost her temper with Amy and punished Amy, it was because Amy had done something wrong. Xiao Zhang rarely takes out his bad emotions on his children. If Amy does not break the rules, Xiao Zhang is very good to her and spends a lot of time playing, playing and reading with her. We all know that children\’s sense of security and self-confidence are very important, so what factors will affect children\’s sense of security and self-confidence? We have talked before about not taking too young children on frequent trips because a stable environment will give them a sense of security. The stable environment mentioned here includes not only the external environment of our lives, but also other things, such as mother\’s emotional stability. Babies use different cries to express different needs: hungry, sleepy, peeing, etc., and mothers respond accordingly. From the baby\’s perspective, it\’s as if he uses different cries to \”control\” the mother\’s reaction, and the mother is \”controllable\”. If an older child listens to his mother and follows the rules, his mother will praise him; if he disobeys and breaks the rules, his mother will criticize him. The child uses his behavior to \”control\” the mother\’s reaction, and the mother is \”controllable\”. The more people and things a child feels he can \”control\”, the more secure and confident he will feel. On the contrary, if the mother\’s response to the baby is not consistent, and she always holds the baby when she is happy, and does not care when the baby cries when she is unhappy, the baby will feel that the mother\’s reaction is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and will Lack of security. Xiao Zhang is very strict with his daughter Amy, but in Amy\’s view, her mother\’s reaction is linked to her own behavior and is \”controllable\”. Therefore, her mother\’s strictness did not make Amy feel insecure, but gave her a stronger sense of rules, stronger self-management ability, and more independence. In the lives of Nakia and her mother, Caze was emotionally unstable and moody, which may be the root of the tragedy of Nakia\’s suicide! Therefore, mothers do not need to blame themselves excessively for not being gentle enough. The most important thing is not to vent their emotions on their children. In activities related to children, we should be the makers of rules beforehand, the supervisors of the process, and the arbiters of the results afterwards. So be sure to be consistent. Our reactions should be predictable to our children. A mother who is emotionally stable and rational is the best gift to her children!