3 rebellious periods, this is the most effective way to communicate with children

I wonder if any of you parents have had this experience during your parenting journey: your children will become rebellious at a certain stage and will confront you if they disagree with you. When communicating with him, if you speak gently, he won\’t listen; if you warn him harshly, he will become even more stubborn. Faced with our children\’s sudden rebellion, we were surprised and at the same time miserable in raising them. Today\’s article will start from the different stages of rebellious periods and provide practical communication strategies to help parents get along with rebellious children correctly. The first rebellious period: 2-year-old rebellious characteristics 1: The word \”no\” comes first. \”No!\” \”No!\” \”No!\” became mantras, challenging the nerves of parents every minute. Characteristic 2: Always emphasizes \”I will do it myself.\” Others cannot take away what he has to do. For example, he must press the elevator by himself. If an adult is kind enough to help him press it, he will cry if he doesn\’t appreciate it. Feature 3: Has a strong sense of order. Toys must be placed in his order; food must be eaten in a specific order; he will not eat biscuits if they are broken, but they must be in whole pieces. Feature 4: Everything is “mine” and sharing does not exist. If you want to take a bite of his food, he will protect it in his arms with a defensive look on his face; if you accidentally eat his food, he will make you spit it out, or he will reach out to pick out the food in your mouth. Developmental psychology believes that children enter the \”first resistance period\” around the age of 2, begin to have a sense of \”I\”, and understand and integrate into the world through bold exploration. Children in this period have a rather \”naughty\” attitude and are often willful and crying. Decoding Adolescence Free full-text reading pdf+epub+azw Children before the age of 33 have an underdeveloped left brain and a dominant right brain. They have not yet mastered the ability to express feelings with logic and language, so the truth is not yet clear to them. does not exist. When communicating with children of this age, use clear and clear language. Communication strategy 1. Use language to help the child express what he wants to express. 2-year-old children have very limited language expression ability. Sometimes they cannot express accurately what they want and what they want to do, so they will show anxiety and anger. At this time, instead of trying to coax him, we should express his thoughts in words: \”Do you want this ball?\” \”Do you want your mother to play with this ball with you?\” If the child agrees, it means If your understanding is correct, the emotion will disappear. 2. Don’t often use questions that will cause objections. Let the children make their own choices. If you want children around 2 years old to cooperate, it is recommended that you don’t often use questions that will cause objections. For example, if you ask your child, “Is it OK for the baby to take a bath now?” ?\” The children could only answer \”good\” or \”bad\”, and most children decisively chose the latter. If a child likes to say \”no\”, then try to find ways to prevent him from having the opportunity to say \”no\”, such as giving the child limited choices so that the child feels that he has the right to choose independently. \”Baby, do you want to drink milk?\” Replace it with: \”Baby, do you want to drink water through a straw or use your tiger water cup?\” Once the child hears this: I can make my own decisions, and the thought of rejection may disappear. . 3. Occasionally, you can use provocation and irony. Parents’ communication methods should be flexible and can be adapted to the needs of their children.psychological characteristics. Most babies in the rebellious stage have a competitive mentality. When children play with toys and are unwilling to sleep, we can do this: \”Let\’s compete with dad to see who gets to bed first?\” Or occasionally say something sarcastic on purpose, It can also have the effect of getting twice the result with half the effort: \”Baby, don\’t wash your hands!\” The child quickly replied: \”I have to wash my hands.\” After saying that, he immediately ran to the bathroom. Don’t underestimate this routine, it works very well for children. Of course, as children grow older, these communication methods will also need to change accordingly. The second rebellious period: 7-9 years old Rebellion characteristics Characteristic 1: Talk back. They especially like to argue with their parents about right and wrong. If the mantra of a two- or three-year-old child is \”I don\’t\”, then the child of this period is \”Why should I?\” Feature 2: He has his reasons for everything he does, even if he does it wrong. He also makes various excuses for things; Characteristic 3: He has bad habits of dilly-dallying and procrastinating, and the more he pushes, the slower he gets, and refuses to change despite repeated admonitions; Characteristic 4: Hates being treated like a child, has extremely high self-esteem, loves face, and cannot accept criticism. There is an old saying in China: \”Seven and eight-year-olds are disgusting to dogs.\” Children in this period have ushered in the second stage of rapid development of self-awareness and often rebel against their parents to rebel against the rules set by their parents. Due to the transition from kindergarten life to primary school life, children\’s learning difficulty has increased, and interpersonal interactions have become more and more complex, resulting in some inadaptable situations such as mood swings. They bid farewell to the naivety of young children and become \”little adults\”, with a stronger voice for the right to speak. Parents must be more patient when communicating with children in this period. Communication strategy 1. Avoid yelling all the time. A mother once complained that the parent-child relationship began to change after her child entered elementary school. She yelled at her countless times every day for homework, bathing, playing on mobile phones, sleeping, etc. 7- and 8-year-old children are at a stage where their parents can still use \”force to suppress\”. Most parents, because of lack of patience, choose to use anger to \”suppress\” their children\’s rebellion, and eventually turn into a \”non-violent non-cooperation\” parent-child communication model. . However, long-term yelling makes some children become more and more silent. On the surface, they appear to be convinced, but in fact, they are either riddled with holes in their hearts, or they are accumulating anger that will explode at some point in the future. Some children just confront others head-on. If you speak louder, they will Louder than you, and even more out of control as you grow older. There is a law in psychology called \”McLabin\’s Law\”, also known as the \”7/38/55 Law\”, which means that when we communicate with a person, the information perceived by the other person: 7% comes from the content of the speech, 38% It comes from voice, intonation, and 55% comes from body language. In other words, when we use yelling to communicate with our children, only 7% of what he can really hear, and the remaining 93%, he is looking at your hysterical expression and impatient attitude. He is not being educated, he is just experiencing anger and fear. Therefore, when faced with a rebellious child, parents must first give up using anger to restrain the child. You think you have defeated your child, but in fact you have lost your child\’s love and trust. 2. Use less negative language and more positive encouragement to communicate with rebellious children. We must have a clear purpose: we are not trying to win or lose with him, but to win his cooperation.. When communicating, try to avoid negative language, urging, and scolding, and use positive words to exchange for children\’s cooperation. In the book \”How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen, How to Listen So Your Children Will Talk\”, the author gives many reference methods. For example, describe what you see: Counter example: \”You are so irresponsible. You always turn on the faucet and forget to turn it off. You want to flood!\” Correct expression: \”Child, the water in the bathtub is about to overflow!\” Or give a simple tip: Counter example: \”You never help me with housework.\” Correct expression: \”I need someone to help me clear the table now.\” Or express your feelings and don\’t judge your child. Personality and character: Counter example: \”You are so rude! You always interrupt me!\” Correct expression: \”I will feel unhappy if someone interrupts me before I finish speaking.\” When we educate our children, we can Replace some negative language with simple, positive words. When you adopt a cooperative mentality, you and your children will have a common purpose, and many unnecessary conflicts and quarrels will disappear. 3. If you find that your child is talking back, remind your child to change their tone of voice, and the parents should also change their tone. In an episode of the variety show \”After School\”, a mother said: \”The trouble in our family is that our child always likes to talk back, sometimes with his father alone. They were all speechless because of the child\’s anger!\” In the program, the father taught his child to play the violin and pointed at the child with a pen to find faults. Finally, the child became impatient. The father said something, and the child retorted: \”Have you taken gunpowder? Have you taken the medicine? You talk back to me again! You talk back to me again!\” During the family meeting, the child bluntly revealed why he always \”talked back\”: \”I don\’t think you are right. , I will criticize you.\” This sentence is a reminder to parents. We always think that children talking back is an intolerable behavior. In fact, this is a \”question\” of the parents\’ education methods. It is the children hinting to parents: You need to change the way you speak. The rebellion that occurs in children between the ages of 7 and 9 is often a silent rebellion against their parents. It may be against your overly rough attitude, or it may be against the many restrictions you place on them. So if you don\’t want your child to talk back, you must first accept his \”questions\”, try to listen to his ideas, and make adjustments so that talking back won\’t be a problem. The third rebellious period: after the age of 12 – the rebellious characteristics of the adolescent rebellious period. Characteristics 1: Pay attention to image and care about their own clothing and hairstyle. Some children will even conflict with adults over haircuts. Characteristics 2: Value personal privacy. Longing for space and time alone; being a homebody and not liking to go out with parents; Characteristic 3: Sensitive, saying less and less to parents, often quarreling, losing temper or having cold wars with parents, and being indifferent to family matters; Characteristic 4: Peer relationships gradually take on an important role. Children will do whatever is popular among friends around them; their dependence on mobile phones and computers becomes stronger. If the three rebellious periods are ranked according to the difficulty of solving them, then adolescent rebellion is definitely the most troublesome for parents. The impact of parents’ inappropriate parenting styles in early education will appear during this period, adding resistance to communication between parents and children. so, in the face of adolescent rebellion, the most important thing is for parents to adjust their roles in time. Scientific parenting books recommend 100 details on how to raise a great boy pdf Communication strategy 1. Change the previous condescending communication mode and change \”speaking\” to \”listening\” People often say: \”A good education requires making friends with children.\” What? When to do it? In fact, it should be done during adolescence. When your child is young, you can beat him, scold him, and use your authority as a parent to order him to do this or that. You have to admit, this is effective. But when your child reaches adolescence, you will find that you cannot beat him, scare him, or scold him. He always lowers his head and does not speak. Many family conflicts broke out during this period because parents failed to adjust their roles in time. Parents\’ parenting methods should change with the age of their children. This is a process from strict to relaxed. In other words, reaching adolescence means completely giving up the \”I am your parent, you should listen to me.\” ” communication model. Someone once summed up the key to communicating with adolescent children simply and crudely – shut up. It means that parents should listen to their children uncritically and be less blaming and criticizing. Use recognition to knock on the door of the child\’s heart, listen quietly and attentively, and let the child know: you are on his side and you can rely on him. On the basis of accepting the child\’s feelings, give suggestions. It is a victory for children to have something to talk to their parents during adolescence. 2. Cherish the things that adolescent children value and integrate into their world. For adolescent children, the world has become bigger and their hobbies have become wider. Many parents are accustomed to treating their children\’s favorite things as trivial, but for adolescent children who are undergoing tremendous physical and psychological changes, those interests and hobbies may be the only comfort deep in their hearts. There is a boy in \”Youth Talk\” who likes to play basketball, but his father always feels that it will affect his study. The boy is very helpless about this: \”Every time I go home to play basketball, I don\’t play all afternoon, only two or three hours. Every time I play ball, it is the happiest time in my entire student life. I play ball with my classmates, and everyone talks and laughs. Do you know how depressed I am at home and at school?\” What children value in adolescence, we must Try to be understanding and supportive. Don\’t be afraid that your children\’s interests and hobbies will affect their study and life. As long as they are within a safe and reasonable range and controlled properly, it will generally not become a problem. I have a friend whose son is a sophomore in high school and loves reading novels, even more than video games. Friends never stop their children from reading books. The only requirement is not to bring them to school. On the child\’s birthday, she also gave him a set of books that he had been reading for a long time. Because of his mother\’s understanding, his son is willing to follow her advice. Reading novels did not affect the children\’s learning, nor did it cause a parent-child war. Although adolescent children express rejection on their faces, they actually long for respect and recognition in their hearts. When he feels that he is understood and his parents respect the things he values, cooperation becomes a natural thing. 3. Don’t always be eager to prove how right you are in front of your children. The most common misunderstanding that parents of adolescent children fall into is: No matter where their children are,In this situation, I am always used to instilling truths, first denying the child\’s feelings, and then citing a bunch of truths to convince him. For example, some children mustered up the courage to tell their parents: \”The new teacher is very boring in class.\” Parents: \”Where are there so many interesting classes? We have been here like this before. Look at the other students in the class.\” Are you so picky?\” As long as any communication reaches the stage of preaching, half of the desire for dialogue will disappear. Indeed, for half-grown children, their ideas are often impulsive and lack thoughtfulness, and adults’ criticisms and suggestions are impeccable in terms of correctness. However, adolescent children begin to have their own principles and opinions. They don\’t like to be defeated by your principles. Their mood swings are also relatively large. Too many big principles are particularly likely to arouse children\’s resentment. How to do it? First, you have to follow what the child says and don’t refute the child easily. You can repeat or describe the child’s feelings; second, ask the child more details and let the child take the lead in the topic; third, don’t preach, just talk heart-to-heart, and only care about the child. Give advice when needed. As Wang Zhanjun, director of the Chinese Education Society, pointed out: \”For adolescent children, who is in charge is very important. My mistakes are better than your rights.\” When communicating with adolescent children, the truth is not the most important, but attitude is.