4 mantras to lay the foundation for your child’s future happiness!

Andy in \”The Shawshank Redemption\” is a person with very high emotional intelligence. He is free from any organization. When he needs help in adversity, or even at a critical moment of life and death, someone will always lend a helping hand to him, save him from fire and water, and help him tide over the difficulties. There is also a kind of person who is obviously very smart, has a good family background, is good-looking, and has some time in school, but his life is always difficult. A job can only be held for a few days before it is squeezed out due to tense interpersonal relationships; a relationship cannot last long and the partner will be kicked out due to unbearable emotional problems. Somehow, I always feel that I have bad luck one after another and am insulated from the word \”happiness\”. In fact, what plays an important role in happiness and success in life is not an outstanding IQ, a wealthy family background, or a handsome appearance that captivates all living beings, but EQ: 20% IQ + 80% EQ = 100% success. According to Harvard University professor Daniel Put forward the success equation: 20% IQ (intelligence quotient) + 80% EQ (emotional quotient) = 100% success, that is, a person\’s success, IQ only plays a 20% role, and 80% depends on emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence determines to a greater extent whether this person will be happy in the future! Chinese Professor Kai-Fu Lee once said: \”In any field, emotional intelligence is twice as important as IQ.\” IQ is just the tip of the iceberg of human potential. On the other hand, those with high emotional intelligence have a smart, wise and capable person. Talking Parents Let’s take a look at what mothers say to make their children’s emotional intelligence 2.8 meters. These four mantras, the more the better. Within 3 years of age, the baby’s understanding, understanding and control of emotions all come from their parents. Most of the baby\’s first interpersonal relationships are within the family. They learn: how to get along with others, how to \”coexist peacefully\” with their own multiple emotions, how to be a person who is liked… the encouraging mantra \”You can do it, \”Try it\” \”Hey, baby, come on\” \”Although you didn\’t succeed, your efforts are commendable\”… Use encouragement to give your children the courage to try and reduce the frustration, sadness, anger and other emotions caused by frustration. . With mother\’s encouragement, children will increase their self-confidence, overcome difficulties, and experience more possibilities. If you succeed, you will have a greater sense of accomplishment; if you fail, you can learn from it. It\’s a win-win situation. Mantras of respect: \”I respect your choice\”, \”It\’s okay if you really don\’t want to\”, \”When the baby grows up, you can make your own decisions\”… Although parents and children cannot be equals like friends, they absolutely cannot \”I am my father and you are my son, so you must obey me\” is a domineering and authoritarian way of treating children. No matter how young a child is, he still has an independent personality. His self-awareness will grow with age, and he will increasingly want to control himself instead of being controlled by others. Children who are treated with respect will also treat their family and friends with respect. This kind of respect and being respected is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence. The mantra for discussion is \”What do you think is better?\” \”You can choose…or…\” \”I think it\’s okay…what do you think?\”…Smart parents will make good use of multiple-choice questions to solve problems. . For example, give your child two choices that are acceptable to you.No matter which one your child chooses, it’s fine. When children make choices, they are also meeting the needs of self-awareness development, and it is also an exercise in logical thinking and problem-solving abilities. In the process of thinking and choosing, learn to analyze and take responsibility, laying a solid foundation for the development of emotional intelligence. Empathic mantras: \”I know, you may be a little disappointed\” \”If you are sad, you can cry for a while\” \”You are happy, aren\’t you? Mom is also happy\”… Whether it is a bad emotion or a happy emotion, it can be Sharing and feeling with your child is the moment when mother and child have the most spiritual connection. Let your child know that you understand him and you accept him. Telling children the name of this emotion (angry, angry, sad, sad, happy, happy, etc.) is to help children recognize emotions, understand emotions, learn to control their emotions, and know how to vent their emotions reasonably. Emotional picture books and cartoons are good auxiliary tools. Mothers can watch them with their children. In addition to these words, you should say more and there are also some words that will damage the growth of your baby\’s emotional intelligence. Try to say as few or not as possible these four mantras. It is best not to use command mantras such as \”Don\’t cry\”, \”Go to sleep\”, \”You must…\” The more commanding it is. The more the tone is used, the more it will trigger children\’s resistance and rebellious emotions, which not only fails to solve the problem, but also damages the parent-child relationship. Complaining mantras: \”Why are you so disobedient…\” \”It\’s all your fault…\” \”If it weren\’t for you…\” Putting all the responsibility and consequences on a child is a bit too cruel! Talking like this is more of venting your own bad emotions, which is not good for your children at all. Instead, children will blame themselves, feel guilty, and even feel guilty. The sarcastic catchphrase \”Look, I said you can\’t do it\”, \”I told you to disobey and fall down\”, \”Okay, okay, it\’s not enough to cause trouble for me\”… This kind of yin and yang way of speaking will seriously harm the child. Self-esteem makes children feel that they are worthless, stupid, unable to do anything well, not liked by their mother, etc. Threatening mantras such as \”If you keep…, mommy doesn\’t like you anymore\”, \”If you make trouble again, I will leave and don\’t want you anymore\” and \”Are you looking for a beating?\” Such words seriously undermine the child\’s sense of security and trust in the mother. and attachment, children are more likely to become timid, timid, and worried about gains and losses. A sense of security is the foundation for all other qualities (emotional control, self-control, and communication skills) in later growth and development. Without it, it is like a house without a foundation, and a child\’s growth is impossible. In addition to the fact that these mantras are related to the child\’s future happy life, it is also important to get it right and wrong in the following three most common scenarios. In these three scenarios, what kind of mother are you? The three most common life scenes and three completely different ways of speaking create three types of babies with different emotional intelligence. Which mother\’s way of speaking do you like more? In other words, what kind of mother are you more like? Scene 1: As it is time to go to bed, the baby plays more and more and refuses to sleep no matter what. Mother A: \”Stop playing, go to bed quickly! Don\’t make me rush you!\” Mother B: \”Mom is almost asleep. Now, do you have a baby to accompany me? If you go to bed early, mom will take you to the park to play tomorrow.\” Mother C: \”What does the baby want to play with? I want to play too! Let\’s go to bed and play, and then I\’ll give it to you.Scenario 2: While eating, the baby was eating and playing, not eating this, not eating that, and even overturning the bowl. Mother A shouted angrily: \”I worked so hard to cook it for you, and you are still picky about food. If you don\’t eat well, Eat and get hungry! \”Mother B (opens the cartoon): \”Be good, baby, you won\’t grow taller if you don\’t eat! Come on, mom, open your mouth, ah~\” Mother C: \”Baby, I think this is delicious, do you want to try it? Wow, this noodle can be rolled and eaten. It’s so interesting. You can try it.” Scenario 3: Taking the baby out, I agreed before going out not to buy toys, but when I passed by a toy stall, the baby insisted on buying one, and cried if he didn’t. Making a fuss A’s mother pretended to turn around and leave: “Don’t cry! I agreed not to buy it. If you keep making trouble, I will leave.\” Mother B: \”Don\’t cry, baby, this thing is not good. Mom will buy you a better one later.\” Mother C: \”I know you want this very much, but you can\’t Buying it makes you feel disappointed, right? But before we went out, we agreed not to buy toys today. Can we keep our agreement together? If you are sad, cry for a while. We can also go to the park to play on the slide, or go home and read a picture book. Which one do you choose? \”What kind of mother are you in these tug-of-wars between mother and child that occur almost every day? The mother\’s attitude determines the child\’s future happy life. The three mothers A, B, and C represent three different parenting attitudes, which affect Children\’s emotional intelligence: Mother A is the authoritative type and believes that parents should have the authority of parents. Children must listen to what parents say! Authoritative mothers are too rational in parenting and lack emotional interaction with their children. They use simple words more often. , rough and tough methods to force children to obey. Children who are treated and raised in this way will not have high emotional intelligence. Children will also infinitely imitate the way their parents treat themselves, such as commands, tough, cold tone, and decisive behavior. When you grow up, you are more likely to have interpersonal problems due to low emotional intelligence. The future mother-child relationship is also worrying. Mother B is a inducement type and will not confront her children head-on, but she is too lazy to go around with her children and prefers to choose quick inducements to solve problems. For example Use methods such as going to the park to play, buying toys, and watching cartoons to quickly achieve the goal of making children obey. This method is very effective for babies. At first, a sticker or a beautiful headband may be enough to achieve the goal. But as the child develops his own With the development and enhancement of consciousness, children will become more and more assertive. Small favors may not be enough for the child, and the mother needs to constantly upgrade and increase the weight. And this kind of conditional satisfaction and love has too many side effects. Being treated and raised like this Although the emotional intelligence of the children born will not be too low in the future, they will be too utilitarian and purposeful, and can easily be annoying. Mother C is an empathic type and is more willing to stand from the child\’s point of view, feel the child\’s emotions, and suggest possible solutions when encountering problems. The chosen plan allows children to make their own decisions, and while accepting their negative emotions, guides them to learn to control their emotions. It not only solves the current problem, but also fully takes care of and respects the children\’s feelings. It is clever and effective. Children who are treated and raised in this way The child has an emotional intelligence of 2.8 meters. When he encounters sadness, anger, sadness and other emotions, he does not panic, but knows why he is like this and how to resolve or transfer these emotional problems. The child is talking to his motherIn every interaction, you can feel your mother\’s understanding, tolerance and acceptance, which also gives your children the courage to accept their own emotions. The way a mother treats herself, interacts with herself, and solves problems will be the way her children interact with others in the future. Just imagine how warm and comfortable it would be to get along with such a friend. Such children will have good relationships with friends and family. There is no need to rush into cultivating your baby\’s emotional intelligence. Mothers need to pay more attention to the little things in life, the details of life, and the silent and subtle impact of every word and deed on the baby and moisturizing things. Parenting is also a form of self-cultivation. Finally, I wish all babies can have an emotional intelligence of 2.8 meters!