5 principles on how to get along well with classmates

I saw a post online. A parent said that her child was often bullied by classmates at school, and she contacted the teacher twice to no avail. In desperation, the parent \”accused\” in the parent group: On February 27, he scratched the child\’s face. After communicating with the children, he cleverly avoided the problem; starting from February 28 , this child often \”greeted\” **\’s classmate with his feet, and there were bruises all over the child\’s calves; this afternoon he put a lunch box on **\’s classmate\’s face… The parents\’ complaints finally attracted the teacher\’s attention, and the result was changed What comes is the emotional card played by the teacher and the parents who bully their children. The child\’s parent said: The child is under 8 years old and has no bad intentions. It\’s just that your thoughts are too vicious. This sentence made the parent feel very guilty and didn\’t know what to do. Sometimes, a child\’s social interaction can be really worrisome. Afraid that he would be bullied, and afraid that he would learn to be bad. However, parents are always separate from their children. When we are unable to protect our children, we must \”prevent\” them in advance. Teach your children these rules for making friends early and they will benefit from them throughout their lives. Don’t deliberately please anyone. A netizen shared this experience: her daughter often asked her for money to buy stationery, but she didn’t find any new stationery in her schoolbag. After some questioning, I found out that she bought it for her deskmate. The daughter told her: My deskmate said that if I didn’t give it to her, she wouldn’t talk to me and wouldn’t want to be my deskmate anymore. I didn’t want to be separated from her. After I finished speaking, I was so aggrieved that I almost cried. In life, a large number of children attach great importance to relationships and are eager to make friends. At the same time, they are afraid of being isolated and helpless, so they will choose to obey others without reservation. From a psychological point of view, human beings\’ \”please and please\” is an instinct to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and it is also a fear of being excluded in social relationships. However, if people want to maintain a long-term relationship, they rely on commonality and attraction, not flattery and one-way giving. Once a child gets used to pleasing others, he will live very cautiously, pay too much attention to other people\’s attitudes, become selfless, and his character will become inferior and cowardly. The key to preventing children from becoming \”pleasers\” is security and love. Parents should not overemphasize \”being well-behaved and sensible\” to their children, and should not often say to their children, \”If you keep doing this, I won\’t like you.\” Otherwise, it will break the child\’s sense of security and make the child fall into the trap of \”I want you to like you.\” \”I\” and do things against my will. If we want to prevent children from forming a pleasing personality in social interactions, we only need two conditions: a sense of being needed and a sense of two-way giving. Give him attention at any time, respond to the child\’s needs at all times, and always make the child feel: I am needed. For some small mistakes in life, parents should blame less and be more gentle and encouraging, so that children can feel that \”even if I make mistakes, my parents still love me.\” Only when a child has this layer of \”safety protection\” from his parents will he be allowed to be himself in interpersonal interactions. Integrate respect and equality into education and let children understand that two-way giving is the only way to make valuable friends. Learn to respect others. There was a little boy who grew fat, and two little boys often followed him and shouted: Fatty! Fatty! Don\’t piss off the little boysDare to play with them. Later, the parents of the little boy and the parents of the two boys complained several times, but the parents of the two children both said with a smile: \”The children are so young, there is no malice in what they say, children\’s words are unbridled.\” Although the children Small, but there’s not a lot of that feeling of being mean and hurting others behind the scenes. However, hurtful language is not just for adults. Children also need to understand: what they say should make others feel comfortable. A child who often mocks and teases others is not popular, and he will eventually accept the contempt and indifference of others. I heard a saying: \”Everyone is our mirror. We unconsciously teach others how to treat themselves. Any bad relationship is your fault.\” Interactions between people are all tentative. , and respond accordingly through feedback information. If someone around you hurts your self-esteem and talks nonsense to you, it means that you yourself treat others in this way. Someone has said: No matter how pure gold is, it cannot reach 100% purity. Likewise, no one is 100% perfect. Everyone has more or less flaws and shortcomings, and we must learn to respect the shortcomings of others. Respecting others is the most basic etiquette in interpersonal communication and the most basic foundation for a child\’s moral tree. Respect education for children: Don’t speak ill of others behind their backs, don’t laugh at others in front of others; don’t slander others… Teach these principles to your children as early as possible. If your children learn to respect, their lives will be more stable. Don’t worry too much. There is a kind of child who is prone to conflicts at school and is always unwilling to forgive others. For example: a classmate accidentally bumped into him and insisted on fighting back; a classmate borrowed his pencil and would talk about it for several days; he shared something delicious and fun with a friend, but if the friend didn’t share it with him, he would be fussy about it… For these brooding children, they are self-centered in their hearts and cannot get along well with others. They often only have themselves in their hearts and do not consider others. In layman\’s terms, it is \”selfish\”. It is difficult for such children to make real friends in interactions. British mathematician Hardy said: If you cannot forgive others, you are tearing down the bridge you want to cross. There is a story about the \”Hercules Effect\” in psychology. Hercules was a hero with infinite strength. One day, he saw an ugly bag at his feet, so he stepped on it hard. As a result, the ugly bag grew exponentially. Now Hercules was so angry that he picked up a stick and smashed it. The ugly bag actually blocked the road. At this time, a saint told Hercules that this ugly bag is called the Bag of Hatred. If you ignore it, it will disappear; if you take revenge on it, it will take revenge on you twice as much. In fact, this is also true in children’s friendships. If he feels resentful about a small thing, he will not be forgiven by others even if he makes a mistake. Any relationship is mutual. Therefore, parents should let their children know the meaning of \”I\” and \”others\” during the education process, and learn to handle things with an \”inclusive\” heart. The Jewish philosopher Spinoza once said: Human hearts are conquered not by force, but by love and tolerance. In life, parents should also give their children opportunities to try and make mistakes, and not always criticize and point outTake responsibility and learn to give your children a chance to make corrections. If parents tolerate their children in their lives, and be tolerant, waiting, and caring, then their children will abandon their narrow-mindedness and be tolerant towards others. Keep the bottom line and stay away from friends who make you \”bad\”. There is a \”crab effect\” in psychology: it describes that if you use an open rattan basket to hold crabs, one crab will easily crawl out. After a few more are put in, No one can climb out, not for any other reason than because they are holding each other back. To sum it up in one sentence: It is said that bad behavior is \”contagious\”. If a child is surrounded by \”energy-consuming\” people, he will be like a crab, using his own effort to \”drag\” them and influence others to become the same person as him. Gary Ryder, a famous American psychology professor, pointed out that as early as about 6 months old, a child will accept the influence of his friends and start imitating behavior. For children, imitating the words and deeds of peers is an important way to gain recognition and maintain friendship. Children at this time cannot distinguish right from wrong and can easily be led astray by bad behavior. If a child’s friends are lazy in studying, procrastinating in homework, or playing games on their mobile phones, the child will slowly be changed and eventually integrate into the “world” of those friends. A netizen on Zhihu said: There was a girl who transferred from junior high school. She was good-looking and had good grades. But she happened to sit next to her classmates who didn\’t like to study. They read novels, slept, and played games in class… As time passed, the girl\’s relationship with her classmates became better and better, but she began to slack off in her studies. Her grades dropped again and again. She even failed her high school entrance exam. Therefore, you really have to be \”selfish\” when it comes to making friends with your children. It is said that those who are close to vermilion are red, and those who are close to ink are black. Parents should warn their children not to get too close to those children with poor conduct, but to stay with children who are excellent in all aspects. Positive influence can create positive value. Let your children remember: A good friend makes you better, not worse. Learn to refuse and say \”no\” to things you don\’t like. A mother talked about an experience on a social networking site: When she and her son walked into the park, at least 6 boys came up to her son and asked him to share his toys with them. At this time, her son was a little overwhelmed, but he would instinctively protect these toys from being taken away, and just looked at her blankly. She said to her son: If you don\’t like it, you can boldly refuse. This is your thing and you have the right not to give it to them. Later, the son rejected them. The children were very unhappy at that time and said that he was \”not polite\”. His mother helped him \”fight back\”: It\’s his right to not want to share, and you can\’t attack him because of this. Learning to say no is by no means as simple as a simple \”no\”. It includes the child\’s protection of his or her rights. The weakness of human nature has always been to bully the weak and fear the strong. Those who do not know how to refuse will suffer in the end. There is such a news. Download the latest complete set of Little Explorer cartoons [720P ultra-clear version] A boy had a little conflict with his companions while playing, and was actually asked by his companions\’ parents to kneel on the ground while carrying his schoolbag. The boy didn\’t say a word at that time and was really kneeling under the scorching sun. The child will notRefusal, without principles, can easily be judged as cowardice and incompetence by others, and will be taken advantage of as a weak person. Rejection is not only a means, it is also a kind of protection of self-worth, a kind of courage and bottom line that will not be compromised. Keep your bottom line, be decisive, and say no when it’s time to say no. If you learn to say \”no\” and accept rejection, your child\’s life will go smoothly. There is a law in sociology: the fifth-dimensional theory of close friends. It means: the wealth and wisdom you have are basically the average of the five friends around you. This theory is roughly the same when applied to children. A child\’s social circle determines his future to a large extent. Parents are the pavement of their children\’s future, and they must pave every road for their children. Warn your children: stay away from people who \”covet\” you to treat them well, because you will \”miss\” your sincerity; respect people who are better than you, and maybe one day they will be your role models; be tolerant of the friends around you, and they may one day become Be the person who is tolerant for you; keep your own bottom line and don\’t let other people\’s \”badness\” contaminate you; refuse people who make you suffer and keep the greatest value for yourself. mutual encouragement.