5 things parents must do before their children turn 7 years old, the last one is especially important

Recently, the Indian movie \”Starting Line\” has become a hit. It tells the story of a pair of middle-class parents who battle with wits and laugh out loud in order to get their daughter into a kindergarten at a prestigious school. There is a sentence in the film that sparked heated discussion: This statement is a bit alarmist, but it reminds me of another documentary \”Seven Years in the Life\”. \”Seven Years in the Life\” spent 49 years recording the lives of 14 British children from the age of 7 to 56. In the end, it concluded with one sentence: Let me take care of a child until he is seven years old. From now on, you can take care of a child as you wish. Let him grow up as he pleases. Who you will become is already determined. Indeed, before the age of 7 is a child’s golden period for brain development, cultivating good habits, and shaping character. The upbringing and education the child receives during this period will affect his life’s happiness and achievements. Freud once said that there is nothing new for children after the age of 6. We also often say that \”3 years old is old, and 7 years old is old.\” So many parents are worried, fearing that they have done something wrong and will have a bad impact on their children. Not really. When children grow up, it is enough for us to provide them with a “nearly good” growth environment. This is almost good. How is it a good method? If you can, please do these 5 things for your child before he is 7 years old. Love cannot be absent, let alone late. This love must be expressed through your company, your presence, your hug, or your direct verbal \”I love you\”. What is not done, or what is not said, does not count as long as it is boring in the heart. Not long ago, a graduate student who had just graduated was on the verge of death due to online loans, and finally ended his life in a small hotel. He said in his diary that his parents had not been around for a long time. He longed for family affection and success, but without the guidance of his parents, he seemed to have lost hope of living. But he didn\’t know that his parents, who he regarded as \”seriously absent\”, had been silently caring about him. Even his grandparents were still working just to save money for him to buy a house and get married. However, their children will never know it again. Love that is not expressed does not exist. Before a child is 7 years old, it is the best window period for receiving love, feeling love, and learning to express love. During this period, you must tell him in words: My child, I really love you; I love you not because you are good and study well, I love you just because you are you. Touch him with love and appreciation, and the child can feel it. This will be the basis for him to value his body and life in the future. Image source: \”Wedding Dress\” Allow children to experience natural frustrations. I believe that the vast majority of parents do not hesitate to love their children. Sometimes, we even love too much. A few days ago, a friend complained to me that her 5-year-old daughter still resisted going to kindergarten, was restless, and couldn\’t be alone. Why? The child has a perfect mother who does her best to prevent her daughter from suffering any pain and stress. The child has no ability to learn to be alone and self-soothe. However, children will always \”fall\”. If they have not practiced before, they may fall even more miserably. A girl who has been cared for by her parents since childhood, after falling in love, also requires her boyfriend to be obedient to her. Just because of a small quarrel between the two, the girl jumped out of the car while the car was moving. Unfortunately, she was hit by a vehicle from behind and died on the spot. This tragedy isHow did it happen? The girl’s parents forgot to teach her that the world does not revolve around us. As a parent, you don’t have to be there all the time, and you don’t have to deliberately create frustration. Just after the confinement period, the process of the mother gradually finding herself is enough to bring a lot of frustration to the child. After the mother put the child to sleep, she went to do housework, and the mother came back after the child cried; later, the mother went to work, and then weaning, sleeping in separate beds, separation at kindergarten, unreasonable requests being rejected… These are all small setbacks that children can tolerate. By experiencing and repairing, children will gradually understand that they are not so fragile and vulnerable. Image source: \”Wedding Dress\” \”Enduring\” Children\’s Rebellion At the \”Weird Conference\”, writer Jiang Fangzhou said: Willfulness is the most underestimated virtue. The so-called \”willfulness\” actually refers to the attitude of acting in accordance with one\’s own will. When a child is about one and a half years old, he gradually develops a sense of autonomy. As he grows up, he begins to practice the word \”willful\”, but is often called \”rebellious\” by adults. The word \”rebellious\” is actually unfair to children. Children are eager to explore the outside world and expect to make decisions on their own, but their parents often say \”no\” to them. Therefore, many behavioral or emotional problems in children are natural reactions to relieve physical or psychological stress. Image source: \”Little Naughty Nicholas\” The only, and perhaps the best, way to deal with children at this stage is \”tolerance\”. This forbearance is not \”connivance and acquiescence.\” When your child touches your bottom line and makes you uncomfortable, or a certain demand is unacceptable to you, of course you need to say \”no\” firmly. This tolerance means that when a conflict occurs, you\’d better be able to resist hitting or scolding your child, and refraining from reasoning with your child emotionally. You don’t have to meet all of your child’s requests, but please give your child the right to lose his temper and the opportunity to express himself. Image source: \”Reply 1988\” Many parents have a soft spot for well-behaved children. As everyone knows, most of the people who later go to the mental hospital for help are children who were very well-behaved in their early years. Because they obey their parents\’ will, good children have to give up their true selves little by little and develop into what their parents expect. However, behind that false self is all emptiness. The process of his growing up is a process of constant hollowing out and depletion. These children are most likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Therefore, you should understand how valuable and energetic a child who dares to lose his temper in front of you is! Image source: \”Family with Children\” There is such a touching story about naming children\’s emotions: A child bought a toy online, but the courier never arrived. So he repeatedly hugged his mother\’s legs and made trouble. My mother later asked: Are you disappointed that the courier uncle didn\’t come? The child cried immediately. He also ran to his father, grandpa, and grandma and said to each of them: \”The courier uncle didn\’t come, I\’m disappointed!\” The method this mother uses is to name her child\’s emotions. The child could not clearly express \”disappointment\” at first, but his heart was full of inexplicable anxiety and helplessness, so he kept making troubles. If the mother finds him annoying and tells him to be quiet, then this emotion will be suppressed. If encountering a similar situation in the future, the child will also fall into uncontrollable anxiety. But thisWhen the mother accepts her child\’s emotions and gives them a name, everything is different. The child cried with joy, and his tears were full of the joy of being understood by his mother. By repeatedly expressing his feelings to other family members, he was practicing his ability to recognize emotions. It is in this verbalization process that children experience a sense of control and accomplishment. This is how children with high emotional intelligence are raised. When a child is emotional and cries, don\’t say \”It\’s okay, don\’t cry, there is nothing to cry about\”, or simply stop it violently. Instead, help him express his current feelings: Are you a little sad/angry/sad because of xxx? Mom and dad are with you. Have you ever seen people who are so filled with emotions that they cannot express themselves in words, and they can only let others understand their inner feelings by squatting with their heads in their hands, yelling, breaking things, etc.? Or someone who only cries, makes trouble, and hangs himself when encountering a problem? These are actually the result of not being able to see your parents\’ emotions in your early years. You can only try to make your existence visible to others through an almost tragic method. Stay calm. Today, we live in an inspiring era. Almost everyone firmly believes that failure is not acceptable and that things that have nothing to do with success are best left aside. Even if you cry, shout, and pull, you still have to push the child onto the single-plank bridge called success. It seems that if you are not successful or outstanding, your life will definitely be over. Image source: \”Reply 1988\” I remembered a book I read \”This Life Is Not Completed\”, which was written by Yu Juan, a returnee doctor from overseas, when she was in the late stage of cancer. Before she fell ill, she was studying for graduate school, Ph.D., studying abroad, and teaching at a prestigious school. Her life was about to cheat and advance all the way, but it suddenly came to an abrupt end. At that time, her son was just over 1 year old and had just learned to call his mother. There is this passage in her book: Even if it hurts me so much that I can\’t move, I lie on the intersection of Zhengli Road, Cathay Road, with dirty clothes and dirty face every day, and let thousands of people scold me and trample on me, as long as I can look at me My parents held Tudou\’s hand and went to kindergarten, and I was willing to do so. Every word is heartbreaking to read. Before passing away, this mother discovered that all the fame and wealth were not as good as living in a warm and cozy home with her family. Everything will pass, only every moment accompanied by happiness is the most real. Image source: \”Reply 1988\” Perhaps, parents need to live with a mentality of \”time is running out\” and look at raising children. I know that it may be relatively simple to achieve the above 4 points. This last point is particularly difficult, but also very, very important. Many times, parents do not do too little, but too much. What can we do for our children? Make this home as warm as possible and make it a true sanctuary and harbor for your children. Then, day by day, I watched the child\’s back go away, restrained my urge to give guidance on the child\’s life, and pretended to be indifferent and free and easy to say: Whenever you need it, remember to come home.