7 passwords for communication skills between parents and children. A good relationship is better than a good education!

As the saying goes: \”A relationship of one or two is worth a ton of education.\” The parent-child relationship is a \”proposition\” that cannot be ignored in education. Its quality determines the power of parents in education. The key word that determines the quality of the parent-child relationship is \”communication.\” The essence of it is not persuasion or verbal control, but establishing a heart-to-heart connection between language and children, using emotional intelligence to resolve parent-child conflicts, and allowing parent-child relationships to get along \”without distance\”. Some psychologists have proposed 7 passwords for parent-child communication to teach parents to eliminate the \”communication failure\” situation with their children. If you learn it, you can cultivate children with high emotional intelligence. How do dumb people learn to speak? 96 effective communication skills so that you are no longer afraid of dealing with people 01 Let children feel the \”powerlessness\” of their parents. I saw this question on Zhihu: I criticized my children for not practicing their piano homework well, and the children said back \”You have the ability.\” \”Come on\”, I can\’t come, how should I reply to her? One of the fathers said: I have also encountered this kind of problem, and I would reply, \”I just don\’t know how, I can\’t come, please teach me.\” After hearing the words, the child behaved obediently, smiling and maintaining his pride. . Education does not rely on power to overwhelm children. Properly allowing children to demonstrate their abilities will make education more \”flavorful.\” Mr. Green said in \”Put Yourself Down and Dare to Act Foolish\”: The purpose of education is to make children grow, not to show their intelligence. Parents can have their own authority, but they must also let their children feel their own \”powerlessness.\” For example: \”I am in poor health and under a lot of work pressure. Can you help my mother?\” \”Mom doesn\’t know how to do this. Can you teach me a lesson?\”… This kind of \”asking for help\” from parents is not shameful, but a use. My \”soft\” side directly touches the child\’s heart, allowing him to understand and care for his parents. Compared with the force of parents, sometimes the \”softness to overcome strength\” approach can better penetrate into the heart of children. 02 Parents should learn to \”ignore problems\”. A friend has recently encountered obstacles in parent-child reading. She said: When she reads with her child, if she is worried that she cannot read or understand some books, she will communicate with her and explain to her. Unexpectedly, the child became impatient and didn\’t even want to read the book. In fact, this is what parents often do. Worry about your child making mistakes and correct them from time to time. However, children\’s growth inherently requires \”trial and error\” to learn lessons and experiences in life. Parents\’ corrections will make children feel that \”I made a mistake and I failed.\” The growth of frustration will make children feel resistant. In the book \”Parent-Child Communication Code\”, it is mentioned that parents should try to \”ignore the problem\”. Parents should not focus on their children\’s mistakes, but regard \”faults\” as an education that is as important as \”achievement\”. \”Use goals to guide children to solve problems on their own\” is the principle that should be maintained in communication. As mentioned in the \”Onion Questioning Method\”: When a child makes a mistake or has difficulty, first ask him five questions. What do you want to achieve by doing this? Any more? So what do you want to achieve by doing this? What is this for? What do you think can be done to achieve this goal? Raising children is not about changing their mistakes, but opening up their minds through mistakes and encouraging their self-development. let the childIf you want to change yourself, education is meaningful. 03 I am good at \”mind reading\” and have insight into children\’s needs. I read an interview with a 15-year-old boy. He asked: \”Why do I doubt whether my parents really love me, why do I want to escape, and why do they not know what I want.\” The boy\’s life has been arranged by his parents since he was a child: he doesn\’t want to learn piano, he is He was forced to study; he was compared with others every day; his parents asked him to get into a prestigious school… In order to resist his parents, he tried to run away from home 15 times. He said: \”I blocked their friends and deleted their QQ because I wanted to escape and be free.\” In the eyes of many parents, this boy is very rebellious. However, it is not possible to freeze three feet in a day, and all children’s problems are the “culprit” of their parents. A family model with only arrangements and no communication is the most hurtful because it never gives children a sense of satisfaction. What children need most is parents who have a \”heart\” and can understand themselves. Therefore, parents must learn to \”read minds\” in education. Only by replacing behavioral communication with spiritual communication and gaining insight into children\’s needs can we allow children to \”accept\” us. It is mentioned in \”Growing Up with Accompanying\”: Parents should be \”captain-type parents\”, full of care for their children and with a clear attitude; they should put forward constructive suggestions at critical moments and take responsibility for their children confidently and calmly. We should allow children to speak their minds at any time. Find what the child wants and maximize his needs so that the child can realize his self-worth. Only by understanding children\’s hearts can children feel their parents\’ love and intentions. 04 Connect with emotions and \”see\” children\’s emotions. Raising children is most afraid of children getting emotional. Once a child loses his temper, he wants to stop it violently. As soon as the child becomes emotional, he is scolded first and then asked to reflect; when the crying continues, he is punished with a harsh lesson… Why are we so impatient when dealing with children\’s emotions? Because many parents don\’t know how to \”take care of their children\” and always think that \”if the children have a temper, they will be honest if they take care of them\”. In \”Seeing Children, Seeing Yourself: Talking about Inner Conflicts with Unhappy Children\”, it is said: Truly mature parents will not just think about dealing with their children\’s problems, but deal with their children\’s feelings first. Only by taking good care of the children\’s feelings will the parents\’ principles be meaningful. Hu Ke\’s son Xiao Yu\’er once asked his mother to assemble a \”robot\” for him, but he became emotional after being rejected. At that time, Hu Ke said: I know you want to play with the transforming toys, and I also know that you want to take them home, but these are not allowed and the rules do not allow it. Hu Ke used the words \”I know\”, which means understanding and acceptance. Acknowledging the child\’s feelings will make the child trust the parents, and the parents\’ preaching will become meaningful. \”Empathize with the emotion first, then discuss the problem\” is a good way to relieve emotions. When your child knows that you care about his feelings, he will \”convince\” you. 05 Make good use of the principle of \”same frequency resonance\” to let children accept themselves. A mother said: Her daughter is now in the first grade of high school and cannot keep up with the progress in class. She is tired of studying and even doesn\’t want to live. Now she is helpless with her daughter. Raising children will always have countless moments of breakdown. Facing increasingly vulnerable children, parents’ biggest “shield” is a good attitude. SonChild psychology expert Tian Hongjie said: Along with depression, there is also a sense of incompetence and strength that is suppressed. Only by helping children overcome setbacks can they gain strength. The best source of strength is empathy, especially if you \”resonate at the same frequency\” with your children, you can easily pass on your good attitude to your children. When two people are on the same channel, parents will pass on their own experiences of \”turning crises into opportunities\” to their children, which will inject the greatest energy into their children. Wu Chun\’s daughter studied ballet at the age of three and failed in her first competition. At that time, his daughter told him that she wanted to win, but she still lost during the competition, so she had a mental breakdown. So Wu Chun shared with his daughter the painful experience of playing on behalf of Brunei against China when he was young and ultimately losing 26-128. Using the same experience to guide children is the best \”counter-frustration\” for them. Parents can infect their children with the way of \”accepting themselves\”, so that children can learn to accept and face it. 06 Reduce negative comments and learn to \”observe\” children. In the educational documentary \”Life·Growth\”, a psychology professor said this: If you want to find the correct way to love your children, the first step is to learn to observe your children. \”Observation\” means understanding the child. Our focus is: For example: when a child fails to do well in an exam, many parents want to change one thing instead of dealing with an emotion. Parents will label their children as \”stupid, pig-brained\”. This is a way of dealing with emotions and will make children feel inferior. If parents focus on the \”reasons for not doing well\”, it will help their children find ways to deal with the results. There is a \”Goethe\’s natural observation method\” in psychology: when we observe the posture, color and shape of plants without any judgment, we will deeply appreciate its nature. In education, if parents do not make any negative comments, they will see clearly the inner nature of their children. Children are actually smart and sensitive. They know what their parents want. Then parents should also understand what their children need. Therefore, we need to create opportunities to \”observe\” the child, using eyes and ears instead of mouth. Non-judgment: \”Remind but not intervene\” when children differ from our expectations, and use your eyes to see what the children \”want to do.\” Listen to the child\’s feedback and find the password to interpret the child\’s mind, so as to find the basis for supporting, helping and guiding the child. 07 Make good use of affirmative words to give children \”value\”. Professor Li Meijin talked about a 13-year-old boy who had a mental breakdown due to stress in a lecture. The boy said: \”I am just garbage, garbage who can\’t do anything well.\” Why is the child\’s frustration so deep? Because children have no \”sense of value\”, they turn their lives into negative energy. Professor Li Meijin put forward the view: We should learn a kind of generous education. Sometimes children fail in learning and are already very frustrated. We should not attack the children\’s self-esteem anymore. We should have the courage to find other shining points of the children and go to Affirm him and encourage him. The most important thing parents should do in education is to \”create value\” for their children. We need to give our children the belief that \”you are inherently good\” so that they will not be timid when encountering difficulties. In the movie \”Wonder Boys\”, Auggie beat someone because he was bullied. The principal said to him: Although the behavior of beating classmates is notI can be accommodating, but I know that friendship is worth defending; please continue to work hard, maintain your good character, and pay tribute to you. The principal finds Auggie\’s positive value and meaning from his shining points, which is an affirmation of value. Education is not about giving children frustration, but finding advantages and progress for them to motivate them. To stimulate children\’s inner strength, we must gradually transform from \”giving\” parents to \”empowering\” parents. Appreciation and encouragement will become children\’s biggest \”helpers\”. 08 There is a sentence in the book \”Parent-Child Communication Code\”: You have to believe that your child is not your child, he is actually a light in your life. Children are born to express their inner glory. The \”unity of words and hearts\” between parents and children is the core of nurturing a healthy relationship, which can compose the child\’s future. Parents should take off their colored glasses, improve their inherent stereotypes, and be \”soft\” towards their children; they should not be the \”nail house\” for their children\’s growth, and learn to see their children with bright eyes; they should enlarge their \”heart\” a little more and put a little more distance between them. Zoom out a little to provide children with psychological nutrition; use the art of language in children\’s growth to give them hope and strength; cultivate children into future people and amaze everyone.