90% of parents have faced the dilemma: Should we spank our children?

The day before yesterday, I took Guoguo to play at a friend\’s house. My friend\’s son Xuanxuan is one year younger than Guoguo, and the two children had a lot of fun chasing each other in the living room. While my friend and I were drinking tea and chatting quietly, I suddenly heard an \”ouch\” coming from outside! It turns out that Xuanxuan and Guoguo fished out the fish in the fish tank with their hands, and the equipment used to circulate water in the fish tank was plugged in. The aunt thought it was dangerous for them to do this, so she stopped Xuanxuan from doing so. When Xuanxuan got angry, he grabbed the colander next to the fish tank and threw it at his aunt. The small wire wrapped around the colander scratched her face. The scratch was under Auntie\’s eye, and if it went one centimeter higher, it would hurt her eye, and the consequences would be disastrous. My friend reprimanded Xuanxuan loudly, didn\’t I tell you not to hit anyone? If you do this again, your mother will really be angry and punish you! Then he was busy applying iodine on the aunt and letting her go into the house to rest. A friend told me that this was not the first time that Xuanxuan hit someone. He was called a parent several times by his teacher in kindergarten for hitting children. The last time grandma provoked him for something, he even slapped grandma. I asked my friend, how do you usually discipline him for such frequent and serious mistakes? My friend said that we would severely criticize and teach him and tell him not to do this, but we never beat him! Doesn’t the book say that beating and scolding children will have a psychological impact on their growth? How dare we fight! Xuanxuan\’s father and I had already decided from the beginning that there was no need to call him no matter what. Alas, but it’s useless to say that he is aggressive and hitting others? I\’m so worried! Yes, a Sichuan boy committed suicide after taking the college entrance examination and left a suicide note accusing his father of unprovoked beatings. A teenage girl in Beijing committed suicide by jumping off a building because her parents severely beat her. … Such shocking news often flashes before our eyes, making us as parents shocked and sighing. I\’m afraid that my child\’s half life will be wiped away with just one slap. But I believe you must still remember this news: Lili, a 2-year-old girl from Changsha, entered the elevator while playing with two other children. Maybe she wanted to go back to her home on the 9th floor, but one of the 5-year-old boys jumped up and pressed the button on the 18th floor. When the 9th floor arrived, the little boy pushed Lily, who had already stepped out of the elevator, back into the elevator. The elevator rose all the way to the 18th floor. Lily instinctively walked toward the sunshine, but fell into darkness forever. If you don\’t dare to hit your child, you are afraid that the young mind will be affected; then he will dare to harm others and eventually grow into a cancer that harms society. Wang Tao, a doctor of education from Harvard University who has been engaged in children\’s education and psychology research for 30 years, once said: When you put down the stick, you give up on your children! Some Chinese parents simply believe that corporal punishment of children is illegal in the United States. If a child is beaten and scolded by his parents, a neighbor will call the police, and the child may be taken away from the parents by social services. Therefore, American parents never punish their children corporally. But in fact, things on the other side of the ocean are not as simple as we think. In the United States, although 51 states have express provisions prohibiting parents from abusing their children, it is not illegal if parents use reasonable corporal punishment methods, such as \”spanking their children with their hands to punish their children.\” HarrisInteractive, United StatesThe company conducted an online survey of 2,286 adults on \”Should parents spank and punish their children?\” 81% of Americans surveyed believe that it is sometimes advisable for parents to spank their children, while only 19% of those surveyed believe that parents should never physically punish their children regardless of the situation. Among families with one child, 78% of parents believe that reasonable corporal punishment of children is excusable. Of those parents surveyed, 67% admitted to spanking their children. The Pre-Qin Legalist theoretical work \”Han Feizi\” wrote: A loving mother has a failed son. The Bible, the most widely circulated book in the world, says: Foolishness captivates the hearts of children, and the rod of discipline can drive it away far away. ——\”Proverbs\” It can be seen that appropriate \”corporal punishment\” is a method of reasonable discipline in ancient teachings that have been passed down for thousands of years in both the East and the West. Many education experts have put forward this view: parents spanking and scolding their children will have terrible consequences. In fact, this is a biased concept. The correct way to express it is: if parents beat and scold their children arbitrarily, it will bring terrible consequences. Most parents are venting their anger when they spank their children. Such \”beating\” will not only fail to bring correct guidance and discipline to the child, but will also cause irreparable psychological damage to the child. For many children who are hurt by spanking, the problem often lies in their parents\’ misuse of spanking as discipline, rather than the problem of corporal punishment itself. When children make mistakes, they need to be treated at different levels, and they cannot be treated according to the family\’s rules regardless of indiscriminate circumstances. Otherwise, soiling clothes is a beating, and killing people and setting fires are also beatings. Children will think that soiling clothes and killing people and setting fires are almost the same crime. For non-principle issues, parents must not escalate to the level of corporal punishment, and patiently use language to educate and guide. However, some issues of principle and issues that cause extreme harm to others can be upgraded to corporal punishment. 1. Certain behaviors, habits, and psychological tendencies of children may develop into illegal or immoral behaviors when they grow up. For example: stealing or defrauding others of their money or property; intentionally seriously injuring others, being exposed to pornography, gambling, drugs, and obvious violent tendencies. 2. When a child knowingly commits a serious mistake and refuses to correct it despite repeated admonitions. For example: The same major mistake has been verbally taught many times, but the person still knowingly makes it without repentance. ． ． ． ． ． ． However, before corporal punishment of children, parents must first understand the following important issues: 1. Prepare a family wand and do not hit the child with your hands. Hitting the child with your hands can easily arouse your own anger and turn into a kind of vent. Parents\’ body parts are used For those who love their children, the family wand is the medium for corporal punishment. In this way, children will not hold grudges against their parents. They will know that they are being punished with a stick instead of being beaten by their parents. 2. Communicate first, then punish. When parents want to spank their children the most, they are often unable to do so because they are filled with anger. And when you don\’t want to spank your child after getting angry, it is the time when you should spank your child the most, because at this time you can clearly separate punishment and venting, so that \”beating\” truly becomes a method of discipline rather than a channel for venting. Spanking should only begin after verbal communication with the child. Parents should control their emotions, explain things clearly, and tell their children \”becausePunish him for whatever mistake he made. How many punishments does such a mistake require? How many more severe punishments will there be if the same mistake is made again next time?\” etc. Let the children understand the reason why they were hit and the consequences of doing it again next time. 3. Corporal punishment, in The purpose of spanking is to punish, warn, and deter the child within the range that the child can bear. The spanking must be painful so that the child will remember the consequences of making a mistake and will not dare to do it again next time. However, corporal punishment must also be within the range that the child can bear. Within the scope! The scope of punishment of the family wand is limited to spanking or hitting the palm. Vulnerable parts of the body such as the head, lower back, chest, lower body and all places that directly affect the child\’s health must not be touched. Don\’t even hit him. If you don\’t stop after a hundred hits, that\’s abuse, not discipline. 4. Psychological comfort after punishment is essential. After spanking, many parents feel sorry for their children and can\’t help but immediately compensate their children with delicious and fun things. In this way, they make up for it. You feel guilty about spanking your child. This is wrong. Don’t show your kindness immediately after punishing your child. You can give him or her a hug to let the child understand: I feel sorry for you too, but you must bear the consequences after making a mistake. If you do If you make such a mistake again, there will be more severe punishment. But I believe you won’t do it again, because you also know that your father/mother can’t bear to hit you again, right? In this way, it can serve as a punishment without giving any punishment to the child. Bring psychological harm. 5. Punishment is not the purpose, training is the focus. Parents must understand: spanking can only prevent the recurrence of wrong behavior, but it cannot bring about correct behavior. Only children understand their mistakes and the consequences of If the child is harmed, he will not do it again. Because the child is young, even if he sincerely says \”I won\’t dare next time\” this time, he may not know what to do next time. Therefore, parents must punish them after , guide the child correctly, help the child learn the correct approach, and ensure that the child really understands the meaning of this punishment. As the saying goes: \”If you are often scolded, you will not be surprised; if you are often beaten, you will not be afraid.\” \”If a child is beaten frequently, he will become \”invulnerable to both soft and hard, and invulnerable\” due to being \”hardened and tempered in the battlefield\”, and corporal punishment will naturally lose its meaning. In any case, parents must remember: corporal punishment is definitely not educational. The main means; love, understanding and acceptance are the ultimate goals of education.