A 12-year-old boy choked his mother in public: Never be friends with children!

Today\’s parents are becoming more and more democratic. When communicating with their children, they are willing to lower their posture, squat down, and be \”friends\” with their children. This is a good thing, but sometimes it seems that they have fallen into many misunderstandings. Misunderstanding 1: Being friends = trying to please everyone. I recently saw a video that made me sigh. The video showed that a 12-year-old boy broke something in the teahouse and asked his mother to help compensate. The mother sat next to him, looking normal and said a few words to his son. The son started to attack his mother on the spot and grabbed her neck tightly with both hands. The companions on the side hurriedly stepped forward to stop him, and the mother also hit the child twice with chopsticks. I thought it was a break, but soon the child pounced on her again and struggled with her mother, which stunned everyone in the teahouse. As soon as the video came out, everyone started blaming the child. Which parent wouldn\’t feel chilled when encountering such a thing? However, did the child\’s willful and wanton behavior really happen out of thin air? If a child can treat his mother like this in public, then the interaction between mother and child in daily life can be imagined. I suddenly remembered a friend and her child. A friend divorced her husband. Out of guilt, she hopes to give her 6-year-old son a more democratic growth atmosphere, so she listens to her son\’s thoughts on everything and tries her best to meet his wishes and needs. However, problems soon became apparent. The son said: Mom, I want to buy a new gun. Mom asked: Why? The son said: Because I don’t like this one anymore, you can buy it for me now! Mom said: Mom is busy now and can\’t go out. Let\’s go tomorrow. The child began to beat his mother, screaming at the same time. The final result was that the mother compromised, took her son out with her tired body, and bought him a new toy. where is the problem? The mother thought she was making friends with her child, but she didn\’t realize that her attitude was almost \”pleasant\”. The mother played the role of a slave, tolerated being disrespected, and allowed her children to break the rules and be rude to her. All this makes children think that they have great power and can do whatever they want, and they even learn to control others with their temper. This humble mentality of parents can easily lead to self-centeredness in children. They become increasingly focused only on themselves and their own desires. If you fail to achieve your goal, it will make life difficult for others. Once there is no one in life to please and accommodate him, the child may encounter serious setbacks. Misunderstanding 2: Being friends = asking too much. Some \”friend-like\” parents do not try to please, but they ask too much about their children\’s opinions during parent-child communication. As a result, they fail to establish authority when it is time to establish it, and instead interact with their children. Conflicts continued. For example, I know a mother. Whenever she talks to her child, she will squat down and patiently say to her child: Can we go out now? Let’s eat now, okay? Let\’s go to bed now, okay? When the child is young, there is no problem in saying this. However, after the child is 3 years old, every \”ok or no\” is actually an opportunity for the rebellious child to say \”no\”. For example, my mother said, shall we go out now? The child shook his head. Then, the mother has to spend a lot of time explaining to the child, but it is often like a chicken and a duck.speak. Children lack judgment and self-control. They actually need their parents to set rules and provide certain guidance in an authoritative manner. These rules and guidance are like \”crutches\” to help children walk and adapt to this society. Without this \”crutch\”, children have no real sense of security in their hearts. They are also more likely to hit a wall when entering society. Therefore, when it is time to establish rules, we must establish them. At the same time, when communicating with your child, you can clearly tell your child what your options are, and then let your child make a decision among your options. For example, instead of saying, \”Is it okay to put the shoes away?\”, you can instead say, \”Put the shoes next to the bed or on a shoe rack.\” Instead of saying, \”Should we go out, shall we go out?\” Instead, say, \”Should we go out now, or in 5 minutes?\” The choices given are actually selected by parents and are acceptable to them. If your child doesn\’t want the choice you gave him and wants something extra that you can\’t accept, tell him directly that what he\’s proposing is not an option, and then repeat the choice you gave him and let him decide. Misunderstanding 3: Being friends = giving away parents’ privileges. There is also a kind of parents who turn “being friends with their children” into asking their children for opinions on their own matters as well. For example, in some families, parents want to go out. If the children do not agree, the parents may not be able to go out. A friend of mine has never been to a movie theater alone with her husband since she gave birth to a baby. The reason is simply that the baby doesn\’t allow it. These \”amiable\” parents get one thing wrong: parents do not need their children\’s permission to live their lives. If a parent wants to go out alone and have a crying child, then allow the child to cry, but do not comply with the child\’s wishes. Parents can say gently but firmly: I know you are sad and I hope we can be with you, but now we have to go. This situation is also common in the matter of whether to have a second child. Many parents will speculate on the eldest child\’s thoughts before deciding to have a second child, and even need to seek the eldest child\’s consent. Whose business is it to have a second child or not? Isn\’t it the parents\’ own business? The parents asked the eldest son this question. At first glance, it seemed that he was quite responsible for Dabao, but in fact the boundaries were blurred. Most of them probably haven\’t thought clearly about whether to give birth or not. When the second baby is born, if Dabao appears unhappy, the adults may say, \”Didn\’t I have your consent at that time?\” Then all the pressure is concentrated on Dabao. This is obviously unfair to a little child. Misunderstanding 4: Being friends = wooing and forming alliances. What are wooing and forming alliances? You may also have asked the following sentence: Do you love your father more or your mother? There are also parents who, when they have a quarrel, will use their children as referees and say, look, am I right or your dad is right in this matter? This phenomenon occurs in many families. For example, the relationship between a mother and her child\’s father has always been lukewarm. She devoted all her energy to her son. The son is naturally very close to his mother. A couple were quarreling. When their son came back from school, he immediately went forward to beat his father angrily. As a mother, I felt very relieved. Later, when I met people, I would say: My son still understands me and is considerate of me! She was right. You see, my husbandMy son gave me all the consideration I couldn\’t get from my husband. She turned her son into a good friend and ally, but she unknowingly dragged her son into a fight between husband and wife. As a father, my heart feels cold, and I am getting further and further away from this home. The son quietly takes on the role of younger husband. Is this really okay if this continues? The man who can be equal and close to the mother should be the father, not the son. This son gained a seemingly important identity and power, but also shouldered a responsibility that he should not bear. What responsibility? As a man, it is the responsibility of comforting and caring for women, and as a father, he shares the responsibility of the entire family\’s troubles. Any time a child has to thoughtfully comfort a resentful mother like a good friend, or support a powerless father, his energy will be drained out of thin air, and he will not have more energy to deal with himself. Growing pains. How can parents tolerate this? After all, parents are parents and children are children. The family structure must not be messed up. In a family, children should be protected and guided. When parents turn their children into their \”friends\” out of thin air, this identity is really too heavy for the child to carry.