A child\’s greatest wealth is to be completely loved by his parents

There is this question on Zhihu: \”I am a very ordinary parent with few resources and not much education. I am very ashamed and don\’t know how to educate my children well. I would like to ask everyone\’s opinions?\” Below is Tiao Gaozan replied: Then you should love him unreservedly and give him a happy childhood without shadows or regrets. This kind of unreserved love is not based on external conditions such as the child\’s grades, appearance, personality, etc., but stems from the parents\’ recognition and acceptance of the child\’s own existence. As Freud said: \”A person who is completely liked by his mother will have a feeling of being a winner throughout his life, and this confidence in success will usually lead to real success.\” The greatest wealth of a child, Mo Too thoroughly liked by his parents. Lin Hong, a child psychiatrist at Peking University Sixth Hospital, once treated a girl in the senior grade of elementary school. She is the only child in the family, and her parents have devoted a lot of effort and care to her: they spent money to send her to a prestigious school, enrolled her in cram schools, waited for her outside the classroom every time, and bought her delicious food after class. But when she mentioned these things, the girl was not only unhappy, but also broke down and cried: \”I don\’t think I deserve it.\” At first, Lin Hong thought it was due to the girl\’s poor family background. Later I learned that the girl’s parents were both high-level intellectuals and her family was in pretty good condition. It’s just that the girl is sensitively aware that there are additional conditions behind the love and attention her parents give her. Normally, her parents would remind her from time to time: \”Mom and dad have paid so much for you, so you have to work hard.\” \”You did well in the test this time, and you must keep it up next time.\” This made her think of a concept in her mind: I can only do well if I perform well. , I deserve to have all this; once I fail in the exam and fail to meet my parents’ expectations, I don’t deserve their love. Under long-term depression, the girl suffered from a psychological disorder. She felt nauseous and felt like vomiting whenever she studied. Writer Chi Li wrote this to her daughter: \”My love for you is every breath, every smile, and every tear in my life. If God allows it, I will only love you more!\” I believe that all the people in the world Parents love their children deeply, but when many parents express their love for their children, they always have some additional conditions: Today you were praised by the teacher, and you were rewarded with a braised pork meal; if you did well in the exam, your mother only brought them to you during the holidays. You go out to play; wow, your grades are good this time, you are really proud of your mother… This kind of conditional love not only blocks the child\’s acceptance of love, but also brings endless pressure to the child. I think of the speech made by Xiaozi You standing on the podium in \”Little Shede\”. He said: I think what my mother likes is not me at all, but me who has perfect scores in exams and can only win awards. You always say it\’s for my own good, but actually it\’s all for yourself. You never care whether I\’m happy or not…every word hurts my heart. Yes, only when he gets good grades, his mother will praise him constantly; only after learning that he is expected to enter the gold medal class, his mother will show a long-lost smile. In his eyes, his mother\’s good mood, mother\’s smile, mother\’s attention and love are all closely related to his achievements. This kind of pressure-filled love will unknowingly corrode the child\’s heart and devour the child\’s self-confidence and happiness. When love has additionalOtherwise, this love will become a burden to the child, making it difficult for him to feel happy. So, what is it like for a child who is loved unconditionally by his parents? I once saw a post on Xiaohongshu that read, \”My parents came to the United States to study together after they got married more than 20 years ago.\” Blogger Isabella is a 20-year-old girl who is currently a junior at a university in Connecticut, USA. \”My mother especially likes to print various photo albums to record me. We have a special bookshelf at home to store various photo albums.\” \”My dad, from the moment I was born, made up his mind to exercise every day and accompany me until I grow old. I have been running 8km+ almost every day for 20 years.” Her simple essay aroused the envy of the entire Internet: “I thought such families only existed in movies.” Later, she also shared it with netizens. A loving family: \”Growing up, our family has morning kisses and goodbye kisses, and my parents often say \’love you\’ to me, which makes me feel particularly safe.\” When I was 10 years old, my parents were transferred due to job transfers. , she returned to China to study with her parents. During that time, her Chinese proficiency was at the bottom and she struggled to do her homework. But her parents never found fault with her. Even if she made a small progress every day, she would get \”amazing\” and \”awesome\” from her parents. Praise. In her third year of junior high school, Isabella\’s history slipped to the bottom of the class. Even so, her parents did not urge her to study. They comforted her by saying that at least she was doing well in other subjects, and that in studying, she had to do her best and obey fate. Ordinary parents would infiltrate their love for her into every aspect of their lives. Every weekend, her father would take her to the cinema to watch her favorite movies; during various holidays, her parents would always prepare gifts for her. The Halloween cake prepared by her parents. Mom hates getting up early, but she will prepare a different breakfast at six o\’clock every morning when she goes to school. The same goes for my father. When she casually mentioned that she wanted to eat salmon, he bought a box and took it home, cooking it in various ways seven days a week. Many netizens are curious, wouldn\’t their parents feel pressured if they have paid so much for her? Isabella answered easily: \”I thought so at first, but my parents told me very early on that they did this because they love me, not for the rewards of getting high scores and finding a good job to earn money. So, I know that no matter what I do, No matter what I do, they will always love me.\” I couldn\’t help but feel touched. I think this is unconditional love – I love you, and it has nothing to do with your external performance. No matter you are good, sensible or not, I will love you as always; no matter what you look like, I love you from the bottom of my heart. Accept you and respect you; I love you, not because of anything you have done, just because you are my child. It is precisely because of the unconditional love of her parents that Isabella always has a vibrant energy in her body. Although she had a lot of anxiety and distress, she was always calm and had the courage to face everything. The greatest luck for a child is to be loved so unconditionally and unreservedly by his parents. He doesn’t have to be sensible and obedient early, he can grow up in a leisurely manner; he can be himself without any worries and never has to envy anyone; he never has to envy anyone.He is not afraid of any setbacks and pressures, because he knows that there will always be someone standing behind him, supporting him, and giving him enough warmth and strength. Only children who grow up in such an atmosphere full of love can have light in their eyes, love in their hearts, and everything they see is beautiful. In the hit drama \”Rose Story\”, the heroine Huang Yimei played by Liu Yifei can be regarded as a model of a leading heroine. Like a rose in full bloom, she lives independently, passionately and confidently. Career-wise, she never cares about the outside world\’s comments about herself, and just lets go and does whatever she wants, calmly and confidently; emotionally, she dares to love and hate, and is not afraid to devote herself to it. She also has the courage of a strong man to cut off his wrist, sober and free. In fact, Huang Yimei can bloom like this because she has a loving native family. Since she can remember, her parents have never scolded her. No matter what she does, her parents always respect and understand her absolutely. She was misunderstood and involved in other people\’s families. Her father chose to trust her and let her solve the problem herself: \”Emotions are just like your painting.\” \”Although I don\’t understand, I respect your expression.\” Huang Yimei wanted to give up the postgraduate entrance examination and find a job. Although her mother was not willing to do so, she saw that her child was determined and she did not force it. Every time she falls in love, her parents do not object. They support her whether she gets married or not, whether she has children or not. When she returned home from a divorce, her parents didn\’t say anything. Instead, they gave her a warm hug and told her: \”You don\’t tell me what happened between you, and I don\’t ask. I don\’t blindly favor you, but I will unconditionally I support you.\” Under the influence of her parents\’ unconditional love and acceptance, Huang Yimei\’s life was filled with brilliance. Someone once asked on Zhihu: What kind of children will be better when they grow up? Someone answered: I don’t know what the standard of excellence is, but I know that those children who have been unconditionally loved by their parents since childhood will definitely live healthy, confident, comfortable and contented lives when they grow up. Yan Ning, the goddess of Tsinghua University, was born in a small mountain village in Zhangqiu, Shandong. Her parents were ordinary workers, but they injected the most precious nutrients into her life – unconditional respect and love. Growing up, Yan Ning\’s parents didn\’t have many demands on her. As a student, Yan Ning had a lot of free time, playing sandbags, playing poker, listening to storytelling, and reading novels… While other students were writing furiously to prepare for the college entrance examination, Yan Ning was hiding in the library, reading collections of prose poems, and copying \” The Book of Songs. Moreover, her parents have always respected Yan Ning and never forced her to do things she didn\’t like to do. It is precisely because he grew up with love and tolerance that Yan Ning can pursue his favorite career without hesitation, always being calm, calm and confident. Psychologist Winnicott said: Only when a child confirms that he can go home at any time can he move forward with peace of mind. Only when children feel the full love of their parents can they be themselves with peace of mind. Go try, explore, fight, and soar freely in the sky without being fettered. Teacher Li Yuer once described love in this way in her book \”Who took away the child\’s happiness\”. She said: \”The meaning of love to education is like light, which always shines on the entire education process.\” A child can only be unconditionally supported by his parents. Only by loving deeply and experiencing joy and happiness from the heart can you plant the seeds of hope in your heart.Son, is attached to life and has pursuit of life. Because love has its own power. Unreserved love can make children shine throughout their lives. Give it a thumbs up and spread love and tenderness into your child\’s life, accompanying him with flowers blooming all the way and making his life warm as spring.