A crying child may just need a hug

For a long time, the contradiction between how to properly handle my own principles and my children\’s needs has given me a headache. For example, this morning, Xiao Ming needed to be carried when he went out. Usually he would push a stroller when he went out, but after all, he was almost three years old and could walk on his own. However, when the elderly at home did not have a stroller, Xiao Ming would pick him up without hesitation as long as he stretched out his hand. he. However, he is with me today, and I think the three-year-old child can walk on his own. Of course, there are similar situations, such as whether to eat by himself, when to watch cartoons, whether to go to early education classes, Xiao Ming and I Opinions differ several times a day. Once the child is done crying, can he really forget about it? However, what confuses me even more is the various ways of dealing with it by different people around me. One time, Xiao Ming was crying to buy a toy. Xiao Ming’s grandma was standing next to him and said to leave him alone. When the idea came, grandma tried to distract Xiao Ming and said to him, \”Look there is a children\’s paradise over there, let\’s go.\” If there is a conflict of opinion between Xiao Ming and I using the above method, there are usually three endings: 1. Xiao Ming keeps crying for a long time, then he collects his emotions and comes to me, and we continue walking. It seems that my will has won; 2. I immediately Xiao Ming\’s wish was fulfilled and he was very happy. We continued walking. It seemed that his will had won; 3. We went to the children\’s playground. Xiao Ming may have forgotten the toys after playing for a while. Frankly speaking, since Xiao Ming started to have self-awareness when he was two and a half years old, when we have disagreements and he cries, if it comes to principles, I mostly use the first method, and I have come across many articles before. I emphasize that family members should lead by example and persist in cultivating living habits, so every time I wait for him to release his emotions before I tell him what was wrong just now. Put aside the idea of ​​controlling the situation and understand children’s emotions. It wasn’t until recently when I read an article about how teachers in American elementary schools help students understand and deal with their emotions that I began to reflect on my previous methods. The article probably said that when a primary school student lost his temper and threw books in class, the teacher did not punish him corporally, nor did he call him out of the class to deal with him alone. Instead, he told him on the spot that he knew he was angry now, but asked him to concentrate and follow him. Do one action and take a deep breath. In life, I still see some parents saying nasty things to their children because of their crying. When I first encountered Xiao Ming crying, I felt that I couldn’t control the situation at all, and I was eager to control it. I think this may be one of those parents who The journey of parents who use coercive means. So this teacher’s approach left a deep impression on me. He did not use violence (cold violence, real verbal violence or other corporal punishment) to curb the “violence” of the students. Instead, he understood the children’s emotions and knew when his personal wishes were not fulfilled. When satisfied, even adults will lose control. Adults will find ways to relieve it, but children may not, so she embraced the \”violence\” of students. It is better to hug first than to make up for it later. So back to the situation this morning, when he was crying because he asked to be picked up and walked and was refused, I followed the example and said to him, \”Xiao Ming, I know you are feeling wronged now, mom. JustDidn\’t we just go out and say we should walk hand in hand to the supermarket? Are you crying because you\’re not being held? \”He nodded, and then he still cried, and I said: \”Can you follow me and do an action now, just like drinking porridge, inhale and exhale.\” Maybe Xiao Ming is too young, and this action did not arouse his Note, after I thought about it, the principle is the same anyway. I picked up Xiao Ming and sat on the stool next to him, basking in the sun. He leaned against me and I patted his back. I was not in a hurry to go to the supermarket. Shopping or somewhere. Just like Ming’s father comforted me when I was hurt, he didn’t say anything, just let him hold me quietly and then I patted him gently. Miraculously, he quickly changed from crying in grief to The little sobbing stopped in less than five minutes. He wiped his nose on me and jumped to the ground and said, let\’s go. In this way, this \”affectionate hug\” replaced the \”hug\” to the supermarket.