A family\’s tragedy starts from not talking well!

Yesterday was my grandpa’s birthday, and a large family gathered together to celebrate the old man. My aunt\’s cousin Jiajia had just finished taking the college entrance examination. During the dinner, I asked her: \”Which university are you going to apply for?\” Jiajia said: \”It\’s good to apply for a school outside the province. The farther away from home the better.\” I was surprised to hear this answer. In my impression, Jiajia has always been a well-behaved and sensible girl. I don\’t know why she has such \”extreme\” ideas. Jiajia told me that her parents always liked to ridicule and scold her, but rarely praised and affirmed her. When I was a child, every time my grades were not ideal, my parents would say, \”Look how smart so and so is, and how good their grades are. If you could have one-tenth of his performance, I would be happy.\” When I worked hard, , when they finally came out on top, they said disapprovingly: \”You have just achieved such a little result, what\’s the point of being happy about!\” At that moment, I suddenly felt empty… I tried cooking for the first time. Although the kitchen was a mess, I I felt very accomplished, but my parents poured cold water on me: \”I\’m so fussy, I can\’t do anything, I really gave birth to a waste.\” Now, I don\’t even want to go into the kitchen, I\’m a waste anyway! Cousin, do you remember that I loved singing when I was a child? But my mother said in front of many people, \”It\’s really ugly to sing.\” She also said, \”If you have time to sing, you might as well study hard. Can singing be a living thing?\” After that, I never sang in front of anyone again. Singing in front of me. … Jiajia said calmly: \”I also want to understand. They said these things to stimulate me and for my own good, but I really have no way to agree with their approach. Because they, I don\’t even know that I What is commendable? Because of them, I have been living in fear. Now, I just want to go to college as soon as possible and stay as far away from them as possible.\” I really didn\’t expect these words to come from Jia Jia\’s mouth. We say this because in our opinion, my aunt and uncle love this daughter very much. When Jiajia took the high school entrance examination, she took the exam from the best high school in our local area. But because the school was too far from home, in order to save the children\’s time, my aunt and uncle sold their big house and bought an old house near the school. In order to allow Jiajia to study with peace of mind, her aunt even retired early and tried her best to take care of Jiajia. She did not dare to rely on others to pay for food and clothing. She did everything herself, down to the smallest detail. It can be seen that verbal violence, including hitting, ridiculing, insulting, etc., has indelible damage to children. It is like a huge stone, which makes the child unable to breathe. Let her no longer see the snow on her parents\’ shoulders in winter, the sweat on their backs in summer, and their hard work and dedication. Teacher Chen Qi, a qualified positive discipline lecturer in the United States and a member of the North American Adlerian Psychological Society, said that verbal violence can really become a murderous weapon. This murder weapon will make children have low self-esteem, be sensitive and fragile, become depressed, have violent tendencies, go astray, and even commit suicide at the cost of their lives. I once saw a piece of news in which a 16-year-old girl in her prime could not bear the constant scolding from her parents and committed suicide by taking poison. The girl\’s mother finally cried until she almost fainted, wailing: \”Daughter, please come back quickly, I will never scold you again.\” !\” My younger sister got divorced a few days ago. When issuedWhen Xiao sadly told me the news, I wasn\’t too surprised. Last year, my younger brother-in-law suffered a myocardial infarction in the middle of the night and was rushed to the hospital by his family. Fortunately, Fuda Mingda rescued him. I went to the hospital to visit him. Before I even reached the door of the ward, I heard Sister Ting’s sharp voice: \”You are already sick and you still want to work? Is this a time for work? Is this a place of work? Do you really think the company has left?\” You don’t want to work anymore, you’ve done so much work, but you haven’t earned a billion or eighty million!” Unexpectedly, the brother-in-law had a dark face: \”Are you finished? If you are useless, I don\’t have to work so hard. Get out of here!\” After hearing this, Sister Ting became furious: \”I\’m useless? Without me, I\’m useless.\” , who gave you a lot of shit and piss to drag your child? Without me, who would go upstairs and downstairs to register and pay for you, and take care of you like shit and piss? You are so ungrateful!\” Seeing that the two of them were about to have a big quarrel, I She hurriedly stepped forward to smooth things over: \”Sister Ting, my brother-in-law is sick and will inevitably be in a bad mood. Don\’t be like him.\” Sister Ting wiped her tears and said bitterly: \”It\’s not for his own good that I\’m so sick. , I haven’t had a good rest yet, I have to catch up on some plans! What’s more important, body or work, he deserves to be exhausted!” Yes, Sister Ting obviously does it for her husband and cares about him, but she doesn’t express it properly. The words that came out were like knives, densely packed and impossible to dodge. Since you care about him, why do you have to say things that make the other person uncomfortable? Fa Xiao told me that my brother-in-law said in front of the whole family that he didn\’t want to live any longer just because of Sister Ting\’s mouth. Sister Ting was very aggrieved: \”Isn\’t it just that my words are a bit ugly? I am a sharp-tongued person, but you don\’t know that, why do you have to go to this point?\” Sister Ting didn\’t know that the fatal point of marriage is verbal violence. Sometimes a sudden word of despair can wipe away all the other half\’s expectations for life, leaving him or her with no hope in the marriage. How many loves and marriages die not from emotional degradation, but from the inability to speak properly, and they die silently and without any trace. Rui Ma believes that there is no parent who does not love their children, but their love is deep and their responsibility is deep. We always say things that we think are good for them under the banner of \”being good for our children\”. However, before we say these words, please think carefully. These words are like a sharp dagger, piercing the child\’s heart so hard that it may not be able to heal for the rest of his life. This is especially true for marriage. A good marriage is inseparable from talking well. Don\’t be stupid enough to use words to push away the person you love and destroy the family you care about. Whether it is a child or a significant other, please use words to bring them warmth and love, rather than hurt.