A friend who doesn’t have children and doesn’t understand parenting theories gives us the greatest parenting inspiration

My good friend Du is single and naturally has no children. He has never paid attention to children, let alone learned parenting theory. But I gained tremendous parenting inspiration from her brief interaction with my two children. During the summer vacation two years ago, my eldest daughter, Xiaoxi, was 10 years old, and my second treasure, Xiaonuo, was less than two years old. I took them to fly to Chongqing, where I had lived for ten years. From 19 to 29, it was the best time in my life. The best ten years of my youth were spent there, so I made Chongqing the destination for my first trip. My friend Du lives alone in a two-bedroom house in Chongqing, so the three of us went straight to her house, occupied her master bedroom, and drove her into a small guest room. During the more than half a month she lived at her home, she left early and came back late every day to go to work, during which she also traveled for a week. I held the key to her house and lived a small life with my two children as if I were the master. Although my friend has no children, she gets along very happily with Xiao Xi. She is Xiao Xi’s Aunt Du who never leaves her. One weekend morning, Erbao and I were sleeping in. In a daze, I heard Aunt Du and Xiao Xi discussing what to have for breakfast. Xiao Xi suggested: \”How about we eat egg fried rice? Mom cooked a lot of rice last night and you didn\’t come back to eat, so there is still a lot left.\” Aunt Du said, \”But I can\’t make egg fried rice. \”I knew my friend was being lazy on purpose. I still clearly remember the days when we used a kerosene stove to make egg fried rice together more than ten years ago. And the day I first arrived at her house, the refrigerator was filled with all kinds of vegetables. She probably wanted her children to do it on their own. Sure enough, Xiao Xi immediately said confidently: \”I can do it!\” While I was getting up and washing up, I heard Xiao Xi directing: \”Aunt Du, please beat the eggs.\” After a while, I heard her say again: \”Aunt Du, can you break up the leftover rice in the rice cooker? It\’s too big to fry.\” Then she asked Aunt Du to wash and chop the green onions. Aunt Du happily agreed every time and helped Xiao Xi happily. When I came out after washing up, a small bowl of fried rice with eggs was already on the table. Xiao Xi said with bright eyes, \”Aunt Du and I made it together. I\’m the chef!\” From then on, Aunt Du served in Xiao Xi\’s In her mind, she stepped down from the position of \”elder\” and became her friend. She had a lot to say to Aunt Du, and she was even willing to share some little secrets with her. My friend was able to get along with his children so quickly, which made me happy, but also slightly envious. Every mother hopes to be her child\’s friend, talk to her on an equal footing, and share her little secrets, but not many mothers are able to do so. Why? Let me ask you, would you let your child cook while you listen to her instructions and help her from the side? Watching your child frying rice all over the stove, and hearing the clang of the spatula and pot, are you worried that she will be burned by the oil, that she will break the bowl and spill the sauce, or that she will burn it? Eggs, too much salt? Most mothers will definitely roll up their sleeves immediately and say: \”I\’ll do it.\” Your behavior reveals the message: distrust, and the child can quickly receive this message. Ask yourself, are you willing to be good friends with a superior boss or leader who is always skeptical of your abilities? This year’s National Day, a few friends made an appointment to have a get-together in Shanghai.For a few days, our home was the base, and Aunt Du was among the four friends who came. Although Xiao Xi remembers her, as she gradually enters the rebellious stage, she has become indifferent to us \”adults\”. Everyone invariably turned their attention to Xiaonuo, the four-year-old second child. They like to tease her, tell her stories, and play games with her. I originally guessed that the easiest person to win Xiao Nuo\’s \”heart\” would be Aunt Xu, because she also has two children, the older one is the same age as Xiao Nuo, and she understands children at this stage best. However, Xiao Nuo\’s favorite is Aunt Du. The second day after Aunt Du arrived, Xiao Nuo walked directly to her and said: Aunt Du, let\’s play hide and seek. As for the other three aunts, Xiao Nuo has never been able to tell who they are. Just now, I asked Xiao Nuo: \”Do you remember Aunt Du?\” Xiao Nuo told me: \”It was the aunt who was a little fat and wore floral clothes.\” I asked her if she remembered the other three aunts, and the answer was no. . So why does Xiaonuo like Aunt Du so much? The child was less than two years old when we met two years ago, so he must have no memory. You\’ll understand once I talk about the process of them playing hide and seek. Aunt Du and Xiao Nuo played hide and seek, and they really played with all their heart. She hid very carefully, sometimes behind the curtains, sometimes in the bathroom, sometimes in the guest room, sometimes in the kitchen. Xiao Nuo often couldn\’t find it no matter how hard he looked, so he had to shout loudly: \”Aunt Du, I give up, come out quickly!\” After Aunt Du came out, Xiao Nuo curiously asked her where she was hiding just now, and then the two of them Let’s go to see the hiding place together and sum up our experience. Once, Xiao Nuo hid under a recliner in the study room. Aunt Du searched everywhere but couldn\’t find it. After admitting defeat, Xiao Nuo came out and showed her new position to Aunt Du, and received Aunt Du\’s sincere praise. The second time Xiao Nuo was still hiding under the recliner. Aunt Du quickly found Xiao Nuo and told her that the location was already known and that hiding anymore would have no effect. Xiao Nuo immediately understood and worked hard to develop a new Location. When Aunt Du was playing with Xiao Nuo, she didn\’t let her find a place to hide. She didn\’t pretend that she couldn\’t find her just to make Xiao Nuo happy. She didn\’t casually praise Xiao Nuo for being smart, and she didn\’t teach her in a persuasive way. She just devoted herself wholeheartedly and treated him as an equal, treating herself as a child, or treating Xiao Nuo as an adult. Be surprised when you should be surprised, praise when you should be praised, and be proud when you should be proud. Don’t look at your phone or talk to others while playing. In short, he won the trust and love of children by not being dismissive, perfunctory, or preaching. We must respect our children, we must trust our children, we must… All mothers know these basic principles of parenting, but very few can actually do them. We communicate disrespect and distrust in the little things in life all the time. When most mothers get along with their children, they are unable to step down from the position of elders and never forget to give repeated instructions and lectures. Many of my mother\’s \”mantras\” reveal distrust: \”Be careful when you walk!\” \”Be careful when you do your homework!\” The meaning is: I am worried that you are not careful when walking, and I am worried that you are not careful about your homework. \”Eat more vegetables.\” means: You eat too few vegetables. \”Brush your teeth well\” means:You\’re not brushing your teeth properly right now. … I no longer dare to continue writing, because I find that about half of my daily conversations with Xiao Xi are \”reminders\” like this. No wonder adolescent children are rebellious and unwilling to be good friends with adults. If I think about it from my perspective, if there is someone who \”reminds\” me like this all day long, is worried about me all the time, and lacks basic trust, how could I not hate him from the bottom of my heart? On the other hand, mothers often deliberately lose to their children when playing with them, thinking that this can help their children gain confidence, and they never forget to praise their children at all times. In fact, children are often more sensitive than we imagine. They can accurately feel whether you are concentrating on playing with her or whether you are perfunctory. He can also sense whether your compliments are \”deserved\” or not. Older children can even sense whether you are giving in to them on purpose. As long as a child feels once that you deliberately let him down when competing with him, he will doubt whether all the previous victories were because of you letting him go, and he will even start to deny himself. Therefore, mothers should either do it so cleverly that their children cannot notice it, or please compete seriously. This is the greatest respect for their children. Also, kids who win every game often can’t afford to lose. Let us reflect on our words and deeds, with a heart of awe for children and life, start from the little things in daily life, and put trust and respect for children into practice!