A mother of two’s nightmare: “Mom, you are partial!”

Yesterday, while waiting for the elevator, I chatted with my neighbor about the recent news that Alyssa Chia had given birth to her third child. We couldn\’t help it. Everyone likes to talk about babies, not to mention becoming a mother. Of course, she is happy to hear about this happy event of giving birth to a baby. However, the neighbor\’s words immediately jumped into the drama: \”Our family fights every day. I\’m tired and they say I\’m partial. What can we do?\” I\’m speechless, I\’m speechless, I\’m speechless. To be fair… I would say that families with many children all over the world have two unsolved mysteries: 1. Endless things to grab 2. Endless fights. If a family has more than two children and says that their children are very polite and never fight, my expression must be: Haha! (I’m watching you pretending to be awesome quietly) In a family with many children, fighting is so normal, and conflicts and cooperation can happen 100 times a day! If a camera were installed at home to broadcast live fights, I guess netizens would be watching 24 hours a day. It would be too much drama! (The style of painting is so beautiful, please wait until I have time to show it.) One second, you and I are so affectionate and so cute that my heart is blown. The next second, we are screaming and crying… …Because a toy, a piece of biscuit, a hug from mother, a stool at home… and everything worth or not worth fighting for can be snatched and instantly trigger World War III! I think what mothers with older children must be most afraid of is this sentence: Mom, you are partial! You are biased! eccentric! Heart! My mother’s heart is broken! She has obviously tried her best and wants to hug her from left to right, but she still doesn\’t appreciate it? I originally wanted to look towards the bright moon, but the bright moon shines on the ditch… I am so worried that it is not just a ditch, it is a smelly ditch and a bottomless black hole plus. eccentric? Am I biased? Where am I biased? It’s obvious that my heart is about to be ripped out! I have a friend who also has two children. The eldest son is 7 years old and the daughter is over 1 year old. For the eldest son’s feelings, the parents still sleep with the son until now. The younger daughter was weaned early and sleeps with her grandma. They take her son to and from school and tutor her every day. One-stop homework. One day I bought a hello kitty toy for my little daughter, and my son said out of the blue: \”Mom, you are so partial!\” My friend looked sad for a week and felt that his whole person was gray… In fact, no matter what we want, I don’t want to admit that it is inevitable for families with many children to compete for favor. This is a worldwide problem. When parents\’ energy, time, and resources are limited, competition is the survival instinct of animals. In fact, the conflict between children is still a profound problem left over from human history. For example, the brothers Shun and Xiang quarreled, and Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty killed his brother during the Xuanwumen Incident. The five thousand years of China\’s history were also five thousand years of brotherhood. Aren’t Greek myths and the Bible full of lively scenes of fighting and fighting? Is there any good way? Of course! Although sibling conflicts cannot be completely eliminated, doing the following tasks can reduce children\’s conflicts by more than 80%. Get out of the way, I\’m going to use Zhuang Gong (bi)! ①First recite silently ten times: A family with many children is the most importantThe principle is – let every child feel that you love him the most. It doesn’t mean that you have to belittle which child to please which one, but make each child feel that he is unique and loved by his parents in the most special way. As long as every child feels that he is loved enough, there is no need to fight all the time. Children are just like men and women who are insecure in love. They want to ask \”Do you love me?\” 10 times a day. All kinds of actions are to repeatedly confirm and test. If any questions arise, please review this article! ! ! ② Ensure that each child has high-quality “dedicated time”. There needs to be a small amount of time every day to be alone with each child. Even if it’s just 5 minutes, one-on-one, no interruptions, let the baby do whatever they like (of course, it must be safe and not violate the principles). It is best to use wheel tactics for each parent and do it once for each child individually. One-on-one companionship allows each child to feel his or her parents\’ undivided attention, love and appreciation. Although there is usually significant improvement within a few days, it is recommended to persist. ③Express love clearly. Love should be spoken loudly, especially when you are spending one-on-one time with your children. Don’t be stingy with your kind words! \”Baby, you are the bravest in our family\”, \”Baby, you really have a way\” and so on. Be more sincere, less hypocritical, and praise each child concretely and realistically. ④The premise of fairness is to recognize the individual differences of children. Every child is different. Statistics show that the oldest child is generally more independent, decisive and brave, while the second child is more lively, cheerful and sociable. It has a certain relationship with birth order and the parenting style of the parents. Even twins have different growth curves and personality differences. If parents always apply the same standards to their children, excessive comparison will easily damage their children\’s self-esteem. Only by keenly discovering the characteristics of each child and teaching students in accordance with their aptitude can each child grow up happily. ⑤Don’t be a referee or firefighter, be a guide for the children. Many parents like to let the eldest child give way to the second child, or ask the second child to obey the eldest child. On the surface, forcing children to share and be polite is to help children resolve disputes, but in fact it is a kind of oppression of children. No matter how old the eldest child is, he is still the child of his parents. No matter how young the second child is, he is an independent individual. Sacrificing the ego of any child for the psychological balance of another is setting the stage for the next sibling conflict. If parents decide a dispute because a child is crying and say, \”Look, he\’s crying, isn\’t it just a toy? Give it to him.\” The child will slowly learn to get more by crying and cheating. Parental involvement. So, as long as the children don\’t fight until the situation gets out of hand, try to let the children find their own way to get along with each other. ⑥ Help children establish basic social rules and encourage sibling cooperation. You can help children establish basic social rules by exchanging, taking turns, lining up, or clarifying property rights. ⑦To learn to share, you must first clarify the property rights. The boundaries of what belongs to the eldest child, what belongs to the second child, and what belongs to the public need to be clarified. For example, every time my Dabao sees his younger brother snatching her toys and trying to take them back, I will imitate Xiaobao.Bao\’s voice said, \”Sister, your toy is so fun. Can I borrow it to play with for a while?\” The daughter immediately retracted her extended hand and said, \”Okay, you can play with it and return it to me later.\” In fact, Children, like adults, never fight for what is already yours. Fighting comes from the fear of losing. As long as each other\’s property rights are affirmed, rules can be introduced, intervention can be reduced and children can adjust themselves. After a few rounds, the kids will be able to play happily. ⑧ Cultivate the relationship between the two children and establish a great and profound revolutionary friendship. From the time the second child is pregnant until the children are older and play together, don\’t miss any opportunity to unite the two children. They say nice words to each other in front of each other, such as helping each other choose gifts (actually mom bought them), sharing food (actually they are all leftovers), and praising \”what a good brother/sister\”. My daughter’s favorite refrain is, “Oh, I’m so envious that my brothers have such wonderful sisters. Why don’t I have such a good sister? Can you be my sister?” At this time, she will run away with a proud smile: “ don\’t want\”. Sometimes when a neighbor jokes, \”Baby, you have too many brothers, give me one.\” My sister feels as if she is facing a formidable enemy. She hugs the strollers of her brothers tightly and refuses anyone to come close. Look at this revolutionary feeling, it’s so deep! If the routine is wrong, your efforts will be in vain! What matters is not how much you love your child, or how much you pay for your child, but that you want your child to feel that you really, really love him/her. Veterans, you can take your time and feel it. If your child still says you are partial next time, just take it lightly, my friend. We have tried our best to solve the global problem.