A sentence that is completely wrong, but parents always like to say it to their children

After school in the afternoon, almost all the children in the school had left. I hadn’t seen my daughter yet, and I didn’t have my mobile phone with me. Standing in front of the school, I almost burst into tears. Later, my son pointed to the small shop opposite and said \”sister\”. I followed my son\’s little hand and looked over, and I saw my daughter\’s figure. There was a fire in her heart, and she rode over. She walked forward and was about to speak when she found a classmate next to her. In order to save face for my daughter, I didn\’t lose my temper. I just asked angrily: \”Why did you come to the store without saying hello? I\’m so anxious.\” My daughter smiled at me apologetically and said something to her female classmate. That female classmate He shook his head and said, \”No need.\” Then, I took my daughter home. After dinner, I sat on the sofa and looked at my phone. I found that there was a stir in the class group. There was a female classmate who has not come home yet, and the parents were very worried. I called my daughter, and she told me: \”She is the classmate you saw in the afternoon. She was angry with her mother and was in a bad mood, so she said she was going to the store and I accompanied her. However, she clearly said that she was I\’m going home.\” I quickly had a private chat with this classmate\’s parents and told her everything I knew about the situation. I could only say a few words of comfort. Fortunately, after nine o\’clock, I finally found the child downstairs in the unit. My daughter told me that the female classmate particularly hated her mother. As far as I know, this female classmate is the second child. Her mother loves her like a treasure. She quit her job to take care of her at home. To make it easier for her to go to school, she rented a house near the school. Her husband is busy. It was convenient to take the children out to play on the weekends, and I also learned how to drive… My daughter made a pause gesture to me and said that the most annoying thing about this female classmate was that her mother said every day: \”If it weren\’t for you, what would I do?\” A sentence woke me up. I also said this sentence to my daughter. I pretended to be indifferent and asked: \”This is true, why are you so repulsive?\” My daughter said seriously: \”This makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel very bad.\” The specific details were not good, my daughter did not say. However, I found the answer from a psychologist. 90% of parents have said the words \”for you\” to their children, but parents have not delved into what is hidden behind this sentence. It is this hidden thing that hurts the child\’s heart and destroys the child. Parent-child relationship. Behind this sentence lies the parents\’ requirements and expectations for their children. Parents portray themselves as \”sacrificial victims\” in order to blackmail their children and achieve what they want. But they don’t know that this sentence is like a burden weighing on a child, giving them a strong sense of burden. If they don’t do well enough, they also feel guilty. However, some children will express their resistance in a rebellious way. The most common example is that when their marriage relationship is not good, many parents will make do with it in order to choose children. If the children usually do something wrong, they will go crazy. The words \”If it weren\’t for this, I would have divorced a long time ago\” are easily said out of their mouths, and the lethality of these words is far greater than that of divorce. The damage is much greater. Children may mistakenly believe that they are the cause of their parents’ unhappy marriage. This sense of guilt puts an excessive burden on children, and they may hide their feelings.Hide your true self and cater to your parents. A child who is unhappy and unable to live a real life will become a dangerous person when he grows up. Just like those people who appeared in the news who assassinated teachers and roommates, these children have always given acquaintances the impression that they are good, honest and obedient children. In fact, they were depressed in their hearts, because they chose to suppress their usual emotions because they wanted to live up to their parents\’ words of \”for you.\” However, one day, the dam \”broke\” like a flood. The purpose of parents saying this is nothing more than to stimulate and encourage their children, hoping that they can become better. There are many ways to educate children, and we can start from other aspects. The best education for children is not what you say, but how you do it. Parents are their children\’s first teachers and mirrors for their children. Therefore, the parents’ behavior is seen by the children, and there is no need to nag inaction, \”I am for you…\” Zheng Yuanjie\’s father, facing his son who was expelled from school, the most successful education is \”just do nothing but do nothing\” \”Said\”, he did not complain that his son was expelled from school for being disobedient, he took him to read and write stories with him. It was his education method that made him the \”Fairy Tale King\” he is today, who writes all the articles for a magazine. Smart parents don\’t let themselves become slaves to their children, complaining while doing it. Instead, live your own life well, become a guide and role model for your children, and influence your children in a subtle way. There is a little story. A parent took his child to buy fruit. The parent took strawberries that had just come on the market. They were very fresh and expensive. In the heart of the parent, he only wanted the best for his child. The child refused again and again and kept crying, pointing at the inconspicuous apples and saying that he wanted to eat apples. The parent was unhappy, saying that the child was ignorant and that strawberries were more delicious than apples. He was so willing to spend money for him, but the child did not appreciate it. In this story, there is a mistake that parents often make, that is, we often use our own ideas to give our children the so-called best, and forget what their children need. Many times, children do not need the so-called sacrifice \”for you\” from their parents, but they need their parents\’ understanding. It is recommended that parents change their image of \”sacrifice\” and listen to their children\’s thoughts and opinions before giving \”things\” to their children. Children are also independent individuals, and they also desire to be valued and respected. Don\’t be a \”dictator\” and deny all your children\’s ideas. On the other hand, parents can communicate directly with their children and tell them what you expect, instead of only complaining after they have done something wrong, adding their own contribution and causing the child to have a heavy emotional burden. For example, if you want your child to take the exam more seriously, then before the exam, you can clearly tell him, \”Mom hopes to check it again after finishing the test paper.\” Instead of holding the test paper and sighing after the child\’s results come out, \”You said your mother got up early and went to bed late every day for you, but you are so careless.\” Change \”for you\” into \”this is what mom wants you to do\”. Of course, as long as the child tries his best, if the result is not very satisfactory, it should be dealt with.understand them. Some people always say that it is difficult to maintain the parent-child relationship nowadays, and they are always so unappreciative of how much they have sacrificed for their children. In fact, today\’s parents always appear as \”victims\” in their children\’s lives. They are involved too much and have too much expectations for their children, so they are inevitably more disappointed. Talk less and do more, give your children some space, and give yourself some leeway, which is not only conducive to the cultivation of a good parent-child relationship, but also has greater benefits for the child\’s personal development. Throw away the sword \”for you\” in your hand, because he not only stabbed the child, but also destroyed the previous family relationship between you and the child.