A single word from a mother can cast a shadow on a child for a lifetime! Don\’t say it again

What saddens me the most is that my mother called me a \”shameless bitch\”… This is a passage I saw in an article on Moments yesterday, and it was said by a girl\’s mother herself. This girl had a boyfriend when she was a sophomore in college. They were in a long-distance relationship, but they had a good relationship with each other. During the holidays, her boyfriend’s mother invited the girl to play at home for a day. The girl was filled with joy and ran to seek her mother\’s advice. She was waiting for her mother to tell her how to pay attention to safety, how to behave in other people\’s homes, and how to protect herself… Unexpectedly, her mother asked with a straight face: \”We are not married yet. Why are you running to someone else\’s house in such a hurry? Why are you such a shameless bitch?\” My daughter was stunned for a while, and then she ran to her room and cried all day. After all, the girl didn\’t go to her boyfriend\’s house that holiday. Later, the two gradually separated, because every time the girl met her boyfriend, the words her mother said that day would forcefully break into her mind: \”You shameless bitch!\”… A little girl in her early 20s, When I was face-saving, shy, and full of longing for love, being scolded by my own mother as a \”shameless bitch\” made me feel so hurt and broken! Although many parents do not have much subjective malice when blaming their children, their ultimate goal is to hope that their children can correct their mistakes, become better, and behave well. However, there are obviously 100 ways to talk to children properly, but we often choose the most prickly and humiliating way. As soon as these words are spoken, they have already deviated from the original love and turned into humiliation and hurt. This kind of insult and denial of a child\’s personality will cast a shadow on the child that will be difficult to get rid of throughout his life. Children\’s initial sense of security and happiness often comes from their parents; but for some children, the first shadow of childhood also comes from their parents. My friend Jiang Xiaojuan’s father is a primary school Chinese teacher in the village. In the third grade, Jiang Xiaojuan was placed in her father\’s class. The first composition class is about looking at pictures and writing, and is required to write a short composition based on the picture in the textbook of \”Sister clipping nails of sister\”. At that time, the whole class took out their reference books and copied the examples. Only Jiang Xiaojuan wanted to create something new. She first copied some examples, and then played on the next paragraph: \”If you don\’t cut your nails, you will get sick. When you get sick, you have to take needles and take medicine. How uncomfortable…\” Jiang Xiaojuan couldn\’t wait to run to the podium and put her own She showed her \”masterpiece\” to her father, hoping that he would discover and praise her creation. However, after his father read it with a serious face, he pointed to a place and said, \”What does it mean to take an injection to take medicine?\” Jiang Xiaojuan stuck out her tongue in embarrassment: \”Oh, I\’m sorry, that\’s a typo. It means to take an injection to take medicine.\” , Injection and medicine! Hehe.\” My father suddenly got angry and cursed in front of the whole class: \”Hippy smiley face! Wrong words are glorious, right? What are you using your eyes for? You have no eyes but no eyes!\” Then he stabbed. She tore up the composition copy and threw it on the table: \”Rewrite!\” When Jiang Xiaojuan timidly held the composition copy and walked down from the podium, she felt aggrieved and confused: \”Why did other students get 100 points by copying them exactly?\” \”You have worked so hard to create something but you have to rewrite it?\” In order to avoidIf she makes another mistake and gets scolded by her father, Jiang Xiaojuan, like other students, will copy the sample text word by word, write it stroke by stroke, and then hand it over to the podium honestly. When the composition text was sent out again, it had \”Excellent\” written on it. From then on, Jiang Xiaojuan completely lost interest and enthusiasm in writing essays and even in Chinese language classes. She no longer dared to mess around with any creative works, for fear that one day she would be scolded by her father again… Jiang Xiaojuan\’s father, as a teacher, must be You want to be strict with yourself and your children and set an example for the whole class. However, that sentence of \”sightless\” destroyed the little interest and creativity that had just sprouted in a child\’s heart. The violence of language is a knife we ​​hang over our children\’s heads in the name of love. There is no denying that with the correction of this knife, children will indeed become very well-behaved and honest. However, this kind of obedience and honesty does not come from the child\’s inner upbringing, but is forced by the pressure of the parents. It is a kind of self-abandonment after experiencing inner humiliation. Whenever I talk about this topic, I always think of a speech given by Ms. Lai Peixia, a psychological counselor: We talk about love, but we look hideous! \”You can\’t even do such a simple question, are you a pig?\” \”I\’ve called you to eat three times, you know? Are you deaf?\” \”You should use the energy you eat to study. You\’ve already passed the exam. \”… 99% of parents must have said similar words, and after training their children, they did not forget to add: \”I scolded you for your own good. If you were not my child, I would not waste any words! \”However, have we ever thought that children are always imitating their parents\’ ways of speaking, doing things, and expressing emotions. When we get older, our children will \”love\” us in the same way: \”Mom, flush the toilet! Why do you get more confused as you get older?\” \”Mom, can you please don\’t interrupt when we are talking!\” \”Mom, Can you please stop talking about the bad things in your hometown all day long?\”… At this time, would you be happy to hear your child scolding you like this? Would you consider this love? No, you must be very sad and aggrieved, just like when a child was scolded when he was a child… Parents are the people closest to their children and know their children\’s weaknesses and pain points best, so the harm we inadvertently cause to our children is precise and fatal. . In fact, as long as you are patient, suppress your anger, and learn to accept and respect, there are actually many ways to teach children well. Why do you have to choose a simple, crude and lose-lose method? Putting away your harsh words and speaking well is the most basic skill we need to practice as parents, and it is also the best way to raise a healthy child. The injuries and regrets we suffered in our own childhood should not be transferred to our children…