Advice from an old teacher to parents: Educating children is investing in the rest of their lives

An old teacher has been teaching for nearly 30 years and has served as lesson preparation team leader, class teacher, and grade director. He is still fighting on the front line of teaching. He is also an excellent father. In 2016, his 19-year-old son was admitted to Tsinghua University with excellent results. As an educator and a father, he has always had his own unique insights into educating children. At a parent-teacher meeting not long ago, he raised three questions and four suggestions for parents, every word of which was clear and logical. He emphasized: Educating your children well is investing in your happiness for the rest of your life! Although this is a speech aimed at parents of high school students, it is worthy of careful reading and practice by parents of children of all ages, and the sooner you see it, the greater the benefits will be! The most important thing in raising children is persistence. I believe that children\’s emotional intelligence is more important than IQ, and moral character is more important than ability. If we really discuss it, I think parents mainly need two words to train their children: persistence. Persist in daily life, persevere in every link, and persevere all the time. Everyone knows the principle of family education. The key is which parent can persist! I have been a high school class teacher for 14 years, a grade teacher for 2 years, led 13 graduates, and been a father for 19 years. I will share with you my personal experience and the dual perspective of a parent and an educator. I have three questions and four suggestions. Three Questions to Ask Parents If parenthood is a position, then this position is automatically held with the birth of a child and does not need to be appointed by others. So let me ask you the first question: First question: If being a parent is your career, what level has your career reached now? The People\’s Daily article \”Education Reform Must Start with Family Education\” proposes that parents have five levels. The first level of the five levels: Be willing to spend money on your children. Level 2: Be willing to spend time for your children. The third level: Parents begin to think about the goals of education. The fourth level: Parents improve and improve themselves in order to educate their children. Level 5: Parents do their best to support and encourage their children to become their best selves, and also lead by example to support their children to become their true selves. I would like to ask all parents, in addition to being willing to spend money on your children, will you also spend time on your children? Will you take the time? Will you still think about education at a higher level, think about your child\’s life plan, think about learning simultaneously with your child, and accompany your child\’s growth? Can you always have a growth conversation with your child? Are your thoughts in tune with your child\’s growth? I think most parents probably spend more on material things and less on spiritual things. Are we parents full of enthusiasm and dreams, are we parents scientific and rational, instead of harming our children intentionally or unintentionally and affecting their growth in the \”name of father\’s love and mother\’s love\”? The second question: Which of the ten knives of modern family education have you used unintentionally? The ten swords of family education. The first sword: too much care, which makes the children not know how to cherish; the second sword: too much nagging, which makes the children rebellious and resistive; the third sword: too much intervention, which makes the children lack autonomy. ; The fourth knife: too many expectations, making the child unbearable; the fifth knife: too much blame, making the child lose motivation; the sixth knife: too much accommodation, making the child unbearable;Children do not know restraint; No. 7 knife: Too much care makes children threaten their parents; No. 8 knife: Too much enjoyment makes children do not know how to be frugal; No. 9 knife: Too much satisfaction makes children lack happiness; No. 10 knives: Too much pampering prevents children from growing up. Do you think that parents will get ideal returns if they give for free? Although we pay without expecting anything in return. We must love our children, and let them feel our love. We must not let love overflow, and we must not do everything in the name of love. As children get older, parents face more and more challenges. As children grow up, as they reach senior grades, their physical and mental development places higher demands on the level of tutoring; parents cannot grow up with their children, their level is limited, and their authority has declined; they spend little time together, have fewer opportunities, and lack in-depth communication; the new era Children\’s awareness of independence increases. But no matter how big the challenge, disciplining your children will always be your business. Because you are the parent of your child, and you cannot resign or retire from your position for life. If you don\’t care before the age of 18, they will still come to trouble you after the age of 18. Your happiness index for the rest of your life is the development of your children. Therefore, we parents and friends should not just focus on being happy now and not caring about the children. There will be constant worries in the future. As long as the children have a bad life, you will be worried about it for the rest of your life. This is what parents are! The third question: Have you prepared lessons in advance for the parent-teacher meeting? Generally, among the parents who come to attend the parent-teacher meeting, there are grandparents and relatives, and there are many mothers and parents. We should especially give a thumbs up to the fathers who can participate in the parent-teacher meeting, and a thumbs up to the couples who participate. The parent-teacher meeting is a big gathering of educators. Parents are the partners of our teachers in educating their children. How can we jointly educate your children if our partners are not here? If you don’t care about your own children, how can you expect others to care? The teacher can be attentive, but the effect is far from satisfactory. Parents should prepare lessons in advance and complete at least four steps: arrange their own work and attend on time. If you really can\’t get away due to busy work, you should explain the situation to the class teacher, ask for leave, and invite the teacher to communicate alone in the future. Don\’t miss the opportunity. Before going to the meeting, if you have the opportunity, you should have a serious talk with your child, talk to the teacher individually with questions, take the initiative to report the child\’s situation to the teacher, solicit the teacher\’s opinions and suggestions, raise all the problems and worries, and discuss them with the teacher . Listen carefully to reports from school leaders or teachers on the school situation, and focus on understanding the progress of school work and the development trends of education, so as to clarify the requirements of the school and teachers for children. After returning, have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your child, exchange opinions, study improvement measures with your child, and formulate next-step goals. Teachers have a heavy teaching load and limited energy. Therefore, parents should take the initiative to contact the school, report and understand their children\’s performance to the teacher in a timely manner, so that the school and family can work together to educate their children well. Four pieces of advice for parents. What should we as parents pay attention to? 1. It is important to trust and cooperate with school teachers. The relationship between teachers, parents, and students is like an isosceles triangle. The lower two corners of the triangle are parents and teachers. The length of teachers and parents can determine the height of a student\’s life. Students are at the top, no matter the activityBoth the method and the content must be centered around students and student-centered. This is our pursuit of running a school! Parents should not criticize teachers or school regulations in front of their children. This is not conducive to children\’s awareness of rules and will increase their resistance and speculation. If parents don\’t respect teachers, your children\’s respect for teachers will be no better, and their learning results will not be good. I remember my son’s class teacher, the first class teacher, the first time he led a Special Olympics class. He was in his twenties at the time. I have always been very polite and respectful to my son’s class teacher because I believed in him. Some of our parents and friends look down on young teachers and do not respect young head teachers. In fact, we all come from a young age, and excellence is not directly proportional to age. As a parent, I have been in close contact with my son\’s teachers since he entered kindergarten. I know that teachers who respect their children are also respecting myself, and I am winning my future. Suhomlinsky, an educator from the former Soviet Union, once said: \”If there is not a high level of educational quality in the entire society, first and foremost in the family, then no matter how hard the teachers work, they will not achieve perfect results. All problems in the school will be solved. It is reflected in the family, and the roots of all difficulties arising from the complex teaching process in schools can be traced back to the family.\” However, parents can participate in education but cannot intervene. I object to parents dictating what they want. We are partners in education with parents, and the partnership time is when the children are in school. Let those who understand education engage in education. No one should become a vulnerable group, but no one can override the strong group. Of course, if parents feel there is any problem, they can communicate with the school, but they must uphold the school\’s regulations and the teacher\’s authority in front of their children. My wife and I have made a rule since we had children: both husband and wife are in charge of the child, and as long as one is in charge, the other cannot interfere, and no one else is allowed to interfere, regardless of whether it is right or wrong; the purpose is to maintain authority; the husband and wife cannot interfere with the child. If there is a fierce quarrel in front of the child, resolve the problem privately; the purpose is for the children to feel safe; the husband and wife cannot criticize each other\’s elders in front of the children, and communicate privately if they have ideas; the purpose is for the children to respect the elders and be filial. Since we are partners in education, we must work together, trust and cooperate. 2. Pay attention to strategies in educating children. Did you know that children are growing and changing? Do you know what the child is thinking right now? Can you communicate with your children? Many parents are eloquent in society and at work, but because they do not know parent-child communication skills, they cannot speak or sit together with their children. Over the years, I have been both a strict father and a best friend in front of my children. I remember the night when my son came back from college on New Year’s Day in 2017, we, father and son, were lying flat on his bed. The two men chatted for an hour or two on the bedside. I talked about four issues: how to grasp the academic aspects of college and entrepreneurship. ; Achievements and activities; Love and starting a family; Going abroad and taking postgraduate entrance examinations. As your child grows, you need to know the limits of what should be controlled and what should not be controlled, and the importance of understanding and respect. How to talk to children? Here are a few suggestions: First, talk about the situation. As the saying goes, \”To lead a cow, you need to lead the cow\’s nose; to fight a snake, you need to hit it seven inches.\” If parents can’t catch any ideas in their conversation, they will ask for help in general terms all day long.I beg him that he should be like this, that he should be like that. As soon as they meet, he repeatedly tells him to \”study hard\” and talks about clichés all day long. It\’s strange that the child is not annoyed! If parents usually observe more, actively communicate with teachers, and go to the school more often to understand some real and specific situations, then once the conversation is made and the content of \”such a certain day, a certain time, a certain month, a certain place,\” is conclusive and specific, the students will be clicked all of a sudden. If you hit the acupuncture point, you will know that you are really locking him up, and you will not make excuses. If you continue to talk, the effect will be completely different. The second is to focus on talking. Students are usually busy studying. They have heavy tasks outside and are tired. When you come home, you are long-winded, tired, and have no breathing space. How can he sit with you calmly? Therefore, we should keep it in mind, pay attention to the occasion, a week or a period of time, find a fixed time and place without interference to focus on the problem, parents prepare lessons in advance, sit with their children solemnly, or do not To speak, when you want to speak, focus on saying it right at once, with strength and depth. The third is to talk about problems. It is impossible for a growing child to have shortcomings, and the shortcomings manifest themselves in many aspects. When talking to your children, don\’t expect to be comprehensive and comprehensive. It is enough to focus on one or two issues to make breakthroughs. Other issues will not be discussed if the time is not ripe. Talking too much and broadening the horizon will not be effective. Discuss matters as they arise. Children are most afraid of bringing up old issues, comparing themselves to other children, making random connections, and making subjective assumptions. In short, understand the child from his perspective, respect him as an equal, persuade him through reasoning, point out the problem and give him enough face. Both finding shortcomings and being good at affirming them. Believe in children and give them opportunities to grow and develop. Only then will children gradually understand their parents\’ difficulties and slowly open up their hearts. 3. Three basic educational theories that need to be understood. Be a parent who is constantly learning. Parents should study their children\’s characteristics, understand their children\’s learning stages, pay close attention to their children\’s changes and needs, protect their children\’s growth, and truly play the role of qualified guardians. Many of our parents and friends have good intentions and good intentions, but their training goals are blind, their educational concepts are lagging, their educational methods are haphazard, and their educational knowledge is poor. If you want to be a qualified parent, I suggest that parents and friends learn about the following educational theories. Zone of Proximal Development Theory: Don’t always compare your children with other people’s children! There are two levels of student development: one is the student\’s current level, which refers to the level of problem-solving that can be achieved during independent activities; the other is the student\’s possible development level, which is the potential gained through teaching. The difference between the two is the zone of proximal development. To put it more simply, what I often say is \”Look at the starting point and compare the progress.\” Every child has different knowledge, ability, emotional intelligence and IQ, and every child just needs to be the best version of himself. We often compare vertically, children compare themselves with themselves, and compare today with the past. As long as the present self is better than the past self, we should affirm ourselves and encourage the children. The overall score is not ideal, and progress in individual subjects must be affirmed. If this piece of knowledge is not good, another piece of knowledge must be solved relative to the past. Only by making the goals visible and within reach can children have hope to work hard and jump.Picking peaches in one hop. Don\’t always pay attention to scores, but pay more attention to the changes in rankings. As long as the rankings in the grade are improving, it is fine. If there is no improvement, you should analyze it calmly rather than deny it arbitrarily. Each child only needs to keep an eye on the next target and take small, brisk steps at a time. The starting point of each child is different, and the development of each child is also different. We cannot extend the same length and make the same requirements. Don\’t compare side by side. Comparing people with each other will make people angry. Stress and Performance Theory: Don’t put too much pressure on your children. Stress and work performance form an inverted U-shaped relationship. Too little pressure is not conducive to motivating people, and too much pressure makes people depressed, resulting in inability to achieve high performance. Therefore, appropriate pressure is required to achieve good work performance. Who wouldn’t want to go to Peking University or Tsinghua University? But not everyone can go to Peking University and Tsinghua University. Achieve through hard work, find the feeling of success through realization, and continuously enhance your self-confidence, so that you will continue to make progress. Moderate pressure is motivation. Improper pressure is a reactionary force. The greater the pressure, the greater the motivation. Learn to increase or reduce pressure appropriately depending on the individual. The reason why many of our children\’s grades are unstable is either because their parents put too much pressure or they put too much pressure on themselves, which can lead to swings. The roller-coaster results are not what parents need. Watching movies in this state is very exciting and can kill your children. Every time you set goals for your children, they must be realistic. The theory of nature and nurture in education: a golden phoenix cannot fly out of a henhouse; ugly ducklings are not originally hatched from duck eggs. The influences on human quality include genetic factors, environmental factors, human subjective initiative, etc. The nativity theory emphasizes heredity and the role of innate genetic factors in human cognitive development, while the nurture theory emphasizes the important role of environment, education, and acquired subjective efforts in human cognitive development. The reason why I remind parents of innate theory is not to emphasize absoluteness, but to warn parents: a golden phoenix cannot fly out of a hen\’s nest; the ugly duckling was not originally hatched from a duck egg, but a swan egg that accidentally fell into a duck\’s nest. No matter how far a child will go, parents must first examine themselves. Their study status back then and their current efforts in life are different for parents, not to mention their children! No longer put all hope of transcendence on children. Therefore, learn to increase pressure, reduce pressure appropriately, never lose pressure, and use pressure scientifically. Don\’t hand over the pressure of three generations to your children. The parents here are all about the same age, and their current development is different. Why do we require our children to be the same as other children, or even better than other children? But our efforts on children can shorten the gap, and it can be done that one generation becomes stronger than the next. Of course, if you are born with a deficiency, you can still succeed through hard work. People who are born with extraordinary abilities may also fall due to the influence of nature! Therefore, current students have individual differences. Most students have the same IQ, but many people are mistaken for their cleverness. A little cleverness will make you lucky for a while, but a big wisdom will make you lucky for a lifetime. What is great wisdom? It is the unremitting efforts of the day after tomorrow. Many of the people who are steadily successful in today\’s world are those who appear to be stupider, harder working, and more disadvantaged. This is true of life, and so is reading. Sometimes we, as parents, always have a desire to compare and let our children compare with other families’ children. As a result, the relationship between the two generations becomes tense. I would like to advise parents, why don’t you also compare yourself with other families’ children?What about the length ratio? If you can\’t do something yourself, do you place your hopes on the next life and expect your children to make up for it? A little too selfish. So now, for the growth of their children, parents must restrain themselves and grow themselves. For example, if you have a positive attitude towards life, love your work, like to learn new knowledge, etc., you will complain all day long, wander around, and expect your children to work hard and be enterprising. This kind of teaching is not convincing. If the child\’s temporary development is not as good as we expected, we should stay calm, encourage him more positively, and don\’t express our disappointment in front of the child, otherwise he will be discouraged and broken faster than you! Expectations can grow slowly as the child progresses, but expectations cannot be unlimited. Sometimes it is more effective to keep this expectation in your heart than to talk about it. First of all, we ensure that we have a child who grows up healthy and happy in body and mind. 4. Children grow up watching their parents’ backs. A harmonious family is more important than anything else. Parents who attach great importance to family education are responsible for the healthy development of students throughout their lives. He comes from a family, he grew up in a family, and he will build a higher-level family in the future. So my experience is: the relationship between husband and wife is very important. Parents are the big trees and backers of their children. Without parents, there would be no home, let alone a good growing environment. Nowadays, there are many intergenerational guardianships. The elderly take care of their children and can only take care of their lives; the children they give birth to are raised and taught by themselves. Parents should become learning parents, and their learning behavior will have a subtle effect on their children. For families with primary and secondary school students, it is best not to frequently play cards and mahjong at home, and not to be crowded with friends, drink, and chat all day long. Instead, they should provide their children with a relatively quiet learning environment. My family convention in the past: As long as the children don’t graduate, there will be no card table in the house. I often compete with my children to show off my achievements. For example, after the college entrance examination in 2016, I made a promise with my son that when my son gets his college notice, I will compile my many years of educational research into a monograph. Now it has finally been published and is available in all Xinhua bookstores. . If parents live a positive life, they will not worry about their children not having positive energy. When people reach middle age, they need a career and a family! Children are the continuation of our lives. No matter how vigorous we are outside, we have to return to our families in the end. Raising your own children well and paying attention to their growth can also be a career! Having one more successful child, one more successful family, and achieving a harmonious society are not also gathering positive energy for society? Let’s talk about some thoughts on family education. You don’t have to be excellent, but you can be very active. You can live a miserable life, but you can show your love for life. You can be ordinary, but you can\’t be too mediocre. You often complain and complain about everything, but you expect your children to be positive, optimistic and strive for self-improvement? You are idle all day long, do you expect your children to work hard and achieve success? You don’t like learning and look down on teachers, but you expect your children to desire knowledge and respect teachers? Children grow up watching their parents’ backs. Every successful child finds excellence in his parents. Every child who fails finds the underlying source in his parents. Disciplining children requires parents to be united in their thinking and stance. Caring for children must be rational and scientific so that they can perceive. educate childrenIt is a career that never retires. Dear parents, hoping that your children will become successful is not just words and thoughts, but also reflected in long-term actions. Parents and friends, the process of children\’s academic growth is full of wind, rain and sunshine. We must face it calmly. There is no unchanging society, only our unchanging heart for our children. Parents and friends, what we need first is healthy, happy, and happy children, and then we need children who are adults, talents, and famous. Academic performance is not the only evaluation, look at children\’s growth and future in a diverse way. God has prepared a window for everyone who works hard, so you must choose the one that suits you best. Parents and friends, educating an excellent child is investing in your own happiness for the rest of your life!