After being criticized, some children grow and some jump off the building? Please keep these 8 golden rules of criticism and self-criticism in mind

In the past few days, the \”missing incident of 9-year-old boy Jin Boyang in Shenyang\” has attracted the attention of the whole society. Everyone is silently praying for him, hoping that he can return safely. But things went counterproductive, and on December 10, his body was discovered. The miracle we expected did not happen. What should I do if my children don’t take the initiative to learn? How to make children fall in love with learning and efficient accompanying reading class completed mp3 It is reported that Jin Boyang was criticized by his parents before he went missing. The child\’s father said that the child had a conflict with his classmates at school, and eventually got into a fight, so the teacher called the parents to the school. Teachers and parents all criticized and educated the child, and the mother took the child home. Who knew that the child would run away from home in anger. There are many children who react in extreme ways because of criticism: At about 10 pm on April 17, 2019, Tang, a 17-year-old boy in Shanghai, was criticized by his mother for having a conflict with his classmates. His mother took him home without stopping. scold the child. While passing the Lupu Bridge approach, the child rushed out of the car, jumped off the bridge, and died on the spot. On September 17 last year, Zhang Mourui, a 14-year-old boy from Wuhan, was called to his parents for playing poker with his classmates in the classroom. After my mother came to school, she pushed and shoved her in front of many classmates, and even slapped her twice. The child jumped from the fifth floor after three minutes of silence and died that night. These children who go to extremes make us think deeply: when some parents criticize their children, they often cannot control their emotions and say some hurtful words to their children. After children hear this, they are prone to take drastic actions. In addition, after some parents criticize their children, the children will become more sensible, able to realize their mistakes and correct them in time. Both parents criticize their children, so why is there such a big difference? There is a big difference between \”criticism\” and \”criticism\”. When seeing these extreme events, many people\’s first reaction seems to be that parents dote on their children so much that they can\’t bear a little grievance, or the children are too fragile and have poor resistance to pressure. But in fact, the reason why criticism can turn into an extreme event is probably because we have never thought that the negative emotions generated by children after being criticized are also different – it is not that parents cannot criticize, but that they should hope that their children are criticizing Finally, be able to self-reflect rather than just feel ashamed. In other words, although they are both \”criticisms\”, the methods, language, and environment of criticism are also very different. For example, if a child is playful and does not do well in a test, parents may have two reactions: One reaction: This question is in the book, have they forgotten it again? Let’s review it again and then do a few similar questions to consolidate! Reaction 2: This question is in the book but you must not have listened carefully! Are you deserting again? Why are you so stupid! On the surface, these two sentences are criticisms, pointing out the children\’s mistakes. However, in the eyes of children, they have completely different meanings. One makes people reflect on themselves, the other causes shame. We need to understand, what is criticism? First of all, criticism is a kind of feedback, a response to a child\’s behavior and performance. Secondly, correct criticism is constructive, that is, it must be helpful and beneficial to the child. It can be seen that reaction 1 is a correct criticism, becauseThis is because we are helping children analyze and solve mistakes together, rather than just blaming them. That is to guide children to focus on their behavior, how to make progress and how to become better, and children will also reflect on themselves under the influence of their parents. The second reaction is more like humiliation. How does the child feel after hearing this? \”Stupid\” and \”useless\”, such offensive words have no constructive effect except for making children self-denial. Because it does not target the mistake itself, but the child as an individual, it will arouse strong negative emotions of shame in the child\’s heart. So, it’s all criticism. How did the two completely different feelings come about? To put it simply: Constructive criticism is a kind of feedback that allows children to reflect on themselves, and self-reflection points to a specific behavior: \”I made a mistake.\” Humiliating criticism makes children feel shame, and shame points to the core self: \” I was a mistake.\” If the criticism is inappropriate, the child will easily go astray. For a child, whether he is good at self-reflection or feeling ashamed after criticism is not just a difference in name and concept, it is also likely to affect their future. life risks. A foreign psychology professor once led a team to conduct a study on shame and introspection: they recruited 380 fifth-grade children and their parents from nine public primary schools. The children were aged between 10 and 12 years old, and the researchers divided them into two groups: \”prone to shame\” and \”prone to introspection.\” Thereafter, follow-up interviews were conducted when the children were in 7th grade, 8th grade, and after they turned 18 years old (18-21 years old). The results found that: AlphaGo Alpha Go Documentary Download 1080P Ultra HD 2.2G Children who had a strong sense of shame as children were more likely to commit risky behaviors as adults; children who were prone to introspection as children were more inclined to protect themselves as adults. The reason is that children who are prone to shame are less likely to admit that they are wrong, but tend to rationalize their behavior and distort facts; however, children who are prone to introspection will proactively admit their mistakes and try their best to make up for it. Sense of shame → Refusal to admit responsibility → Unpopular, poor interpersonal relationships → Anger and hostility when encountering problems, reduced self-control → prone to aggressive behavior; self-reflection → Take the initiative to take responsibility → Popular, have many and long-lasting friends → Peaceful in situations , strong self-control → more popular; this is like a snowball, full of shame begins to make a child fall; and introspection is like a shield to protect the child from always facing the sun. And all this stems from a criticism from others. A thousand-mile embankment is destroyed by an ant nest, and any sudden incident is actually the result of accumulation. Those children who jump off buildings, commit suicide, or even kill their parents and parents just because their parents criticize them may have already been swallowed up by shame in their hearts. Do not criticize children during the four time periods. When criticizing children, in addition to paying attention to your words, sometimes criticizing children at different time periods will have different effects. During these four periods of the day, it is best not to criticize the child. If the child makes a mistake, special attention should be paid to the method of criticism. 1. Do not criticize your children when they get up in the morning. People say that the whole day begins in the morning. If you criticize your children when you get up in the morning, it will affect your child\’s mood throughout the day and put him in a sluggish state in his studies throughout the day. most appropriateThe best way to deal with it is: verbally point out the child\’s mistake on the spot, ask the child to clean it up as soon as possible, and then have a good communication on this issue after school. 2. Don’t criticize your children while eating. The famous host Dong Qing once recalled that in her childhood, her father always liked to criticize her at the dinner table, making her often cry while eating. As a child, what she feared most was eating. Criticizing the child at the dinner table will not only affect the child\’s psychology, but also affect the child\’s appetite to a certain extent, causing him to lose his appetite and affecting the child\’s physical health. 3. Don’t criticize your children in public. Children are independent individuals and need to maintain their own face. If parents criticize their children in public without any scruples, it will only frustrate their self-esteem. Educator Suhomlinsky once said: \”Children\’s dignity is the most sensitive corner of the human mind. Protecting children\’s self-esteem is protecting children\’s potential power.\” 4. Don\’t criticize children before going to bed. If you let children have negative emotions When falling asleep, children will easily have trouble sleeping or even have nightmares, which greatly affects the quality of sleep and is not conducive to physical development. Therefore, when criticizing their children, parents should also eliminate \”before going to bed\” and give their children a stable and peaceful environment to fall asleep. 8 Scientific Methods for Criticizing Children A good education has clear rewards and punishments; a good parent has synchronized discipline. \”If a jade is not carved, it cannot become a tool, and if a tree is not cultivated, it cannot become useful.\” If you want your children to grow up well, parental discipline is essential. Learn the following 8 scientific criticism methods: 1. Allow children to explain whether what they do is right or wrong. , all must allow children to explain themselves. Parents should remain neutral and objectively evaluate whether their children have done something wrong and why. 2. Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Parents should put themselves in someone else’s shoes, understand the purpose of their children’s actions, and find the right starting point for criticism. And let the children think from their perspective: \”If you were that person, how would you feel? Is it right to do so?\” 3. First, self-criticize the child. Before criticizing the child, parents should first self-criticize, lower themselves, and quickly get closer to the child. Children\’s relationship. Parents’ self-criticism can also help children learn to self-reflect. 4. Only deal with things, not people. If a child does something wrong or fails to do well, the parents’ first reaction is not to scold, but to provide guidance. Let the children understand why they cannot do this and what the consequences will be. 5. Teach children not to criticize blindly when correcting mistakes, but to use scientific methods to make children aware of mistakes and find ways to correct them. 6. Choose the right time. Do not criticize your child when he gets up, before going to bed, while eating, or when he is sick. This will directly affect his physical and mental health. 7. Use a kind attitude to criticize children ≠ scolding children. Parents should not vent their emotions to their children. They should point out the mistakes concisely and then educate them. Don\’t always settle old scores and make children resist and admit their mistakes and disobey discipline. 8. Respect your child\’s self-esteem and don\’t criticize your child in front of outsiders, let alone hit or scold your child in front of his classmates and teachers. Not only adults need to be respected, but children also need to be respected. Children\’s hearts are more fragile and sensitive than we think.