After I learned how to \”show off\”, my children worked harder and harder.

Recently I almost collapsed because of my son\’s anger. When I came home from school two days ago, I urged him to do his homework as usual. I urged him three times in a row, but he was indifferent. The moment I saw him being disobedient, I became angry, scolded him severely, and then \”ordered\” him to do his homework. Unexpectedly, he stared at me hatefully with both eyes and stood at the entrance for half an hour without moving. At that time, I was discouraged and felt that it was too tiring to take care of my children, so I started to \”show off\”. I don’t want to urge him to do homework anymore because I’m already tired of it. In this way, no matter what he does first thing when he comes home, I hold back my anger and no longer discipline him. Unexpectedly, after a period of time, he began to become self-conscious. Not only would he take the initiative to do his homework when he came home, but he would also ask me to check his homework and \”check in\” for him. I said: \”Don\’t do it, it\’s too troublesome.\” He immediately became anxious and said, \”No, it must be done.\” I found that after I stopped \”worrying\” about his studies, he worked harder and even previewed before class. The teacher praised me for my homework, and he was very happy to take credit in front of me. At that moment, I was very happy. After becoming mothers, we always feel that it is too difficult to educate our children. That is because we always complicate simple things. Just like a child\’s learning: we always rush him and make learning a matter of parents. This will not only consume all the child\’s energy, but also make him lose his desire to learn. The \”harder\” the parents push, the worse the children become. Every child\’s rebelliousness begins with being \”inaudible\”. As a parent, you are always worried that your child can\’t do something well, and then nag you endlessly: I\’ve said it several times, why are you still dawdling, can you hurry up? This question has been asked so many times, why do you still make mistakes? Can you take this matter to your heart… But you will find that the more we talk, the children seem to be \”inaudible\” and have no response to their parents\’ words. Why do so many children not have ears? There is an \”over-limit effect\” in psychology: it refers to a psychological phenomenon in which excessive stimulation or action for too long can easily cause extreme impatience or rebelliousness. Starting from the age of 6, children\’s self-awareness gradually increases, and two major psychological characteristics will appear: resistance and emotional sensitivity. Especially parents\’ nagging and preaching are like \”noise\” to children, which makes them particularly disgusted. Not only does it cause the child to have a rebellious mentality, but it also makes him sensitive to the idea that \”I\’m not good enough.\” \”Not hearing\” is the initial act of their confrontation. Someone asked on Zhihu: \”When are you most disgusted with your parents?\” Some netizens said: \”When are your parents nagging you the most?\” \”It\’s enough to say a lot of things once, but they have to keep saying it. It\’s really like the sound of flies, which makes people feel irritated and just want to cover their ears.\” \”If parents talk too much, they will have rebellious emotions. . Sometimes in order to anger them, I have to confront them…\” Parents who are too \”worried\” cannot raise outstanding children. Because behind \”worrying\” lies the devaluation of children, which seems to say \”you can\’t do anything well.\” There is such a news: A boy swallowed 6 coins in order to fight against his nagging parents. When asked why he did this, he said: Even though I am already an adult, they have been \”despising\” me and caring so much, which really makes me tired. Some educationists have said: Before a child is 13 years old, parents can discipline him, but after the age of 13, parents should change from a controller to a guide and return the initiative of growth to the child. Use the most concise words to go straight to the topic, rather than being annoying with a lot of long words; grasp the dominance of words and let the children listen, rather than letting yourself fall into passivity. If you can\’t do this, no matter how hard your parents try, education will be in vain. When a child loses his \”sense of control\”, he loses his \”sense of value.\” A psychological counselor once received such a child. This child used to have good grades, but after entering high school, he developed a learning disorder. When the mother sought help from a psychiatrist, she discovered that the child\’s problem lay with the parents. His father was a very controlling man who interfered in whatever he did. From choosing interest classes and making friends to choosing which school to apply for, my father has the final say. How to study and what to do every day is carefully arranged. Without any freedom, he felt that life was extremely meaningless. After entering high school, he felt that studying was more and more painful. Later, after he became obsessed with games, he gradually felt that life had a little meaning. Someone has said: The opposite of education is manipulation. Children who are bound by the \”third hand\” have no freedom, no motivation, and it is difficult to stand on their own. Many parents always like to \”tie up\” their children, arranging and supervising them at all times, so that they do not have the opportunity to be themselves. However, every child hopes to have a \”sense of control\” that allows them to manage themselves instead of being restricted: they do not want their parents to supervise them in all aspects and give them freedom; they do not want to be arranged like puppets, but they can be allowed to Make your own decision. As Alfie Cohen pointed out in the book \”Unconditional Parenting\”: \”The way children learn to make correct decisions is by making decisions, rather than following arrangements.\” In the process of educating children, we must fully give them \” \”A sense of control\”, let him make his own decisions, and his potential will be stimulated to a greater extent. Liu Chong was once named one of the top ten outstanding young scientists by authoritative American journals and is an outstanding person in everyone\’s eyes. However, his parents were very \”bad\” in educating him. In the first grade, his academic performance was very poor, but his parents didn\’t care. Several times, his mother promised to help him check his homework, but she was perfunctory. Liu Chong was criticized by the teacher many times because he made too many mistakes in his homework. At that time, he felt that his mother was completely unreliable and he could only rely on himself for academic matters. If you don\’t understand something, you have to study it by yourself. If you fail the test, you will study the wrong questions by yourself. It was his mother\’s \”disguise\” that forced him to think independently, but he didn\’t expect that this would make him successful. Raising a child is like walking with water in your hand. If you stare at it closely and are highly nervous, the water will easily spill and you won\’t even know how to walk in the end. What education needs most is a \”sense of relaxation\”, allowing children to find their own values, rather than parents helping them shape their values. Smart parents must learn to \”dispose of bad things\”. Writer Chen Danqing once said: \”The ultimate purpose of education is to induce people\’s creative power and awaken their sense of life and value. ChildrenOnce they gain more trust and expectations, their inner motivation will be stimulated and they will become smarter, more capable, and more savvy. \”A good education does not rely on brute force. Sometimes parents who are too diligent are not necessarily a good thing. Parents should learn to \”show off\” a little and let their children make their own decisions on some things. 1. If your eyes are \”showing off\”, learn to \”turn a blind eye\” Parents are always used to \”staring\” at their children: if they have any shortcomings, they will magnify them exponentially; if they make a mistake in their homework, they will criticize them hastily… These behaviors are harmful in the eyes of children. It has become: \”Too much control is too picky\”, so the more you control, the less your children will listen. Parents should not go too far to find small problems in their children. As long as the problems are not major, they will \”turn a blind eye\”. When doing homework, I would keep an eye on him and ask him to correct it if he made a mistake. Later, after he started to mess up, I didn\’t even want to check his homework, and I didn\’t have the habit of correcting wrong questions on his homework several times. I didn\’t care much about being criticized by the teacher. Unexpectedly, after a few times, my son no longer cares about his homework. If he is not afraid of his children making mistakes and does not focus on their children\’s shortcomings, sometimes parents can \”cover their eyes\”. Children grow up through groping and falling again and again. 2. The biggest weakness of some parents in education is that their children do not do well in exams and nag. ; Criticism for making mistakes; having to rush when getting up in the morning… A \”rushed\” family atmosphere makes children lack love even more. Every child has his own decision-making ability and his own autonomy. Parents should not blindly criticize their children for some things. Learn to \”shut up\”. The most common thing that host Jing Yidan said to her daughter was \”You decide for yourself.\” She would never nag or criticize her children excessively when she was a child. You choose what clothes to wear. When you grow up, your daughter makes her own decisions about going to school, going abroad, and getting married. The growth of a child is a process of constant trying, frustration, and trying again. Sometimes, children don’t do things well. Parents should shut up and let them go, and let their children learn to think independently through mistakes and develop the ability to make independent decisions. 3. Keep your hands open and be \”lazy\” in doing things. Shen Yifei, a professor at Fudan University, put forward a point: \”Mom is. \”Superman\” will harm the child for life. She said that in her family, everything is divided and cooperated. Her husband is mainly responsible for accompanying and learning to let the children take responsibility for themselves, and she will take on limited housework. Sometimes she is particularly \”lazy\” : For example, she did not clean the table after dinner, but asked her son to do it; she spilled the sandwich on the floor, and her son would come over to clean it up as soon as he saw it. Educate your children not to engage in \”nanny-style\” parenting. Misunderstanding. If you worry about everything for your children, you will be tired, and the children will suffer. In the end, the children will become: dependent on their parents, poor in independence, lazy and lack of responsibility. Dr. Montessori once said: \”Never. Help your child complete tasks that he believes he can succeed at. \”After the child is 3 years old, parents should learn to let go and start training their child\’s ability to take care of themselves. In life, let the child do it by himself, no matter whether he does it well or not.It’s the child’s growth. I read a passage: \”If an iron-like education falls on children, they will be as soft and weak as water; if a soft-like education falls on children, they will be as strong and powerful as iron.\” Good education is: gentle yet gentle. Just. Instead of focusing on your child\’s mistakes and \”forcing\” him to correct them, give him the initiative and let him grow from his mistakes. Respect your child\’s differences and nature instead of \”forcing\” him to be the best. Letting go does not mean letting go completely, nor holding on tightly, but learning to leave something blank and give children opportunities to create their own lives. When raising children, parents must learn to \”quit\” in a timely manner: quit preaching to the child and let him discover problems on his own; quit arranging the child and let him be independent. Education not only examines children, but also provides children with self-responsible growth opportunities. Click \”Like\” and encourage everyone.