After my husband and I “raised” our son to death, we suddenly realized: Rebellion in adolescence is the biggest misunderstanding parents have about their children.

It’s really hard to be a parent to adolescent children! My son is 14 years old and in the second grade of junior high school. Since he was in the sixth grade of elementary school, my communication with him has been like playing the piano to a cow, unable to communicate normally. I say one thing, and he says the other. Whatever I ask him to do, he insists on doing the opposite. My blood pressure never dropped when I faced my son who was as stubborn as a donkey. When I left for school in the morning, I saw that I was almost late. I reminded me at least three or four times, but he turned a deaf ear. There was a traffic jam on the way to school, and he started to complain irritably. I got angry and said directly to him: If you had left 15 minutes earlier, the journey would have been smoother, but you had to grind! He himself had a very bad temper. He thought I was nagging him, so he got angry and yelled back: You are really annoying! I didn’t ask you to give it away! In the end, he simply put on his headphones and ignored me completely. When he got to school, he ran away as soon as the door opened without even saying goodbye. The same is true for learning. No matter how many times I told him to look at his phone less and read more, he only agreed and said he knew what was going on. But every time I look at him, I see him looking at it on his cell phone. When I asked, I just saw it and I have been studying. When the test results came out and the scores were not ideal, I was very anxious: If you study hard, how could you get such a low score? When I told you not to play with your mobile phone, you still talked to Na Baba. I usually talk to you like I am hurting you and never listen. If you have the ability, you can do well even if you don’t listen to me. But look at the result? I think what I said is reasonable, and I hope my son can learn a lesson. Don’t always feel that we are controlling him. He should listen to our guidance more. Will we still harm him? But the son looked rebellious: Okay, stop nagging! It\’s just like chanting sutras every day. If you don\’t bother me, I\’ll feel tired just listening to it! That’s all I am, I love looking at my phone and I’m useless, okay? That confident and plausive look made my blood surge with anger, and I wanted to slap him hard! But before I could continue to reason with him, my son slammed the door and refused to communicate with me. 02 Looking at the closed door and recalling my son’s impatient expression every day, I feel really helpless and confused. All the earnest words fell on deaf ears. How should we manage this child? Why is it that everything I say is good for him, but he refuses to listen? In fact, the reason is that the communication between us parents and our children is often ineffective. Ineffective parent-child communication usually has two characteristics: First, it is the habit of ordering children. Many parents are used to giving orders when talking to their children, requiring their children to follow their instructions. Not willing to listen to the child\’s inner thoughts, let alone the child\’s explanations and complaints, he just blindly orders the child to do things according to his own wishes. This kind of communication is actually just one-sided preaching and ignores the emotional needs of children. As children grow older and enter adolescence, when their awareness of autonomy increases, there are more and more communication barriers between parents and children. Secondly, it is to subconsciously deny the child. Due to adults\’ suppression of children\’s thinking and the traditional fear of children becoming complacent, many parents will subconsciously deny their children, especially when their children make mistakes. However, children naturally crave recognition and praise from their parents. Children who are often denied by their parents will lose their self-confidence. in parentsI can\’t hold my head up in front of me, and I don\’t want to communicate with my parents, for fear that my parents will start to deny and preach to me again. In this case, there will also be problems with parent-child communication, and they will not be willing to tell their parents anything. Ineffective parent-child communication ignores children\’s emotions, but children can be keenly aware of their parents\’ emotions. He can hear the negation and command behind your words, so he instinctively closes himself and protects himself. This is why our children don’t appreciate our sincere words and turn a deaf ear to our words. In the past, I have always adopted a self-righteous approach to communicating with my children. I think he is undisciplined, ignorant, and impatient, so he always likes to make requests and give orders directly. Once he doesn\’t do it, I will think that he is rebellious and disobedient, and I will further increase the intensity of the preaching. If the child still refuses to listen, I will be sad and angry, criticizing and accusing. Now think about it, if I were a child, how would I feel when faced with such a parent? Am I still willing to listen to her and communicate with her? The answer is obviously no. Because even children have their own emotional needs and desire to be understood and respected. Understanding this truth, I began to change my communication methods and establish a positive and effective communication model with my son. 031. Parents should manage their emotions well, keep practicing, and try to be as peaceful and rational as possible in daily communication. According to an online survey, in family education, most communication failures are caused by parents’ emotional outbursts. Parents losing control of their emotions and being angry and irritable will trigger children\’s confrontational psychology. In this case, the thinking of both parties is not rational enough, and it is easy to switch from discussing matters to venting emotions, thus entering a vicious cycle of parent-child communication. The reason your child can\’t listen to you is because he senses your emotions first. Realizing that his parents\’ emotions are not good for him, he will close his heart and refuse to listen. This is also the fundamental reason why parents’ earnest words are always regarded as “nonsense”. Faced with various problems in their children, such as laziness in studying, excessive use of mobile phones, procrastination in homework, poor study attitude, etc., it is indeed difficult for parents to stay calm. At this time, parents can try to put themselves in their shoes and think about the problem from the child\’s perspective. Although children have never been adults, we have all been children: procrastinating because we are afraid of learning and writing homework; we like to look at mobile phones because we can think about nothing at this moment and be relaxed and happy…Understanding the child\’s heart, we also You will be more able to accept their behavior, and your emotions will be calmer and more rational when dealing with them. As long as parents keep their emotions calm when facing their children, their children\’s alertness and sense of confrontation will gradually weaken. This is the case with my son. Playing mobile phones without restraint is the biggest problem that I tried my best to preach but he refused to change. Every time I see him playing with his mobile phone, I get angry subconsciously, thinking that he should spend his time studying. Every time I remind me to stop looking at my phone and study hard, my son will respond: Why do you say I keep looking at my phone? How do you know I didn\’t study? My son couldn\’t listen to what I said next. The more controlled he is, the more attractive his cell phone will be to his son. Now, I remind myself to first control my emotions, and don’tSubconsciously give negative comments to children. Keep your mouth shut, open your mind, trust your child, and let him get a real space to relax. Whether my son is looking at his cell phone or doing other things, I don’t bother to remind or urge him. If he didn\’t ask for help, I wouldn\’t give him any advice and focus on cultivating my own emotions and heart. Soon, his son changed. I stopped nagging, and he started to take the initiative to ask my opinion: Mom, can I wear this today? Can it be cold? I don\’t complain. He only picks up his phone after finishing his homework. He takes the initiative to wash up and go to bed within an hour. He told me that studying from morning to night every day is boring and tiring. Only looking at his mobile phone at night is the time to truly relax. Now, he is grateful that I trust him and no longer get angry or anxious to lecture him. This shows that the better parents can control their emotions, the weaker their children\’s rebellious psychology will be. As adults, parents should indeed be more peaceful and rational, and only in this way can they guide their children to develop in a good direction. 2. Pay attention to your child\’s emotions and feelings. Only then will your child be willing to listen to you. There is a saying in psychology: If you want others to listen to what you say, you must first pay attention to his emotions. The same goes for educating children. Children also have feelings and emotions, and are not just tools to obey their parents’ orders. Children don’t like going to school and are addicted to looking at their mobile phones. What’s the emotion behind it? Is it fear, fear, or escape? Only by understanding where the emotions behind the child\’s problems come from can the reasoning be effective. Therefore, if you want to communicate effectively with your children and make them listen to your words, parents must pay attention to and understand their children\’s emotions. One day when my son came home from school, he was always in a irritable mood. He said that he would not be able to go to school for a whole day, and he really wanted to burn down the school. If it were in the past, I would definitely yell at you: How could you say such a thing? Who doesn’t know how comfortable it is to lie at home while complaining about negativity every day after going to school? I\’m still annoyed at work, so don\’t put on a bad face every day! Then a heated argument breaks out. I will be very angry: am I wrong? Why can\’t you listen? Looking back now, maybe everything I said was correct, but combined with the scene of the child at that time, it was all invalid nonsense. Because I ignored my child\’s emotions. So, I adjusted my mood and guided my son to say: Oops, what happened? Look how angry my son is. My son told me angrily that he forgot to bring his math homework today, but when he told the teacher, the teacher didn\’t believe it at all. He insisted that his son just didn\’t finish it and was lying. No matter how he explained, he refused to listen and made him stand behind the class. I realized that this was the teacher\’s behavior and it hurt my son\’s self-esteem. Although adolescent children develop rapidly physically, their mental development is not complete. Their understanding of people and things also has certain limitations, and they are easily impulsive and irritable. I didn\’t defend the teacher, nor did I criticize my son\’s radical remarks. I just listened carefully. At the same time, sympathize with the child\’s feelings: you clearly wrote it, but the teacher didn\’t believe it. It\’s really uncomfortable to be wronged. No one wants to be criticized in public, let alone being punished by standing still, and this punishment is a bit excessive. My son saw that I didn’t mean to preach or judge in any way, and the more I spoke, the more energetic I became. I heard a lot ofThere are so many true voices that I couldn’t hear in the past. By the time he said he was tired and vented his emotions, more than an hour had passed. I used focused eyes and gentle responses throughout the process to express respect and understanding to my children. After the son complained, he calmed down a lot: Mom, if only you could always listen to me like you do tonight. In the past, I avoided you and didn\’t dare to tell you. You always wanted to reason with me and judge me. In fact, would I not understand those truths? What I need is that you can support me and respect me. Enough talking, I have to go do my homework. I didn\’t take the opportunity to preach big truths, because I knew that as long as I could pay attention to and accept the children\’s emotions, I could release the children\’s negative emotions and psychology. Just like my son said, what are the big things that adolescent children don’t understand? The more negative and commanding the parents are, the more disgusted and rebellious the children will be. The more parents see and accept it, the more children will open their ears and listen attentively. After a period of adjustment, my communication with my son became smoother. Looking at my son who listens to me attentively and actively seeks my opinions now, and then thinking about my son in the past who got angry every time I spoke, always found us annoying, was unwilling to talk to me, and always locked himself in his room, it is really a kind of disaster. The feeling of the rest of life. The changes I made are actually very simple, that is, I am willing to be aware of myself, calm down, and communicate equally with my children. In fact, although the problems of adolescent children are various, no matter how serious they are, they are no match for the willingness of parents to accompany their children to grow up! Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!