After my son got tired of studying, he was not interested in anything except his mobile phone, and the whole family was in trouble.

I never imagined that my son would one day be so epileptic that he would be unable to go to school. My son is 15 years old and is in the second grade of junior high school. This is a very critical year. His efforts and results will determine whether he can enter a good high school. But when the critical moment came, my son had no intention of studying because he was addicted to his mobile phone, and he became distracted and tired of studying. A junior high school student does not go to school every day, but takes long-term leave at home. He sits at home with a mobile phone in hand every day and is addicted to it. I tried to persuade him nicely: \”Now is not the time to play with mobile phones. If you don\’t go to school for a long time, what will happen to your student status?\” When the word \”school\” was mentioned, he would either act as if he couldn\’t hear and say nothing; A few perfunctory words: \”Well, I understand.\” In daily life, he is very decadent, not taking a shower, washing his face, or gargling his mouth, and just sits at home with a \”chicken coop\” on his head. But when I talked about him, he cried and said he couldn\’t sleep. He looked so depressed that I couldn\’t bear to blame him too much. I don’t understand why my child changed drastically when he entered junior high school. In the hearts of his family, his son has always been a cheerful, lively, responsible, responsible and loving child. He has always had excellent grades in school and actively participated in school activities. He cares about his parents. I remember one time when our family went shopping in the supermarket and bought a lot of things. He was worried about my foot pain, so he carried two bags of the heaviest things and carried the load. I was so moved that tears welled up in my eyes. Also, during the epidemic, I became pregnant and my child’s father was on duty again. He bravely took on the responsibility of taking care of my mother. … Faced with the current situation of my child, I really want to control the time he spends looking at his mobile phone and directly confiscate it. But the son\’s reaction was very violent and he directly said that if he was not given a mobile phone, he would never go back to school. I had no choice but to compromise and return the phone to him. As time passed by, I was so worried that I had no intention of going to work and had insomnia every day. Is it possible that my son is so useless at such a young age? 02 If you want to completely solve the problem, you must understand the reasons why children are tired of studying and think about how to solve it in a targeted manner. After various comparisons, I chose to join the mother\’s psychological family and began to learn to raise children again. I found that there are many children who are tired of studying, but each child\’s family environment, growth experience, and educational experience are different, and the reasons for not going to school are also different. Only by tailoring it to your own child can you solve the problem. My son’s problem can be said to be the knot that causes many outstanding children to drop out of school—that is, the fear of failure and falling behind. The child has been introverted and has low self-esteem since childhood, and is very concerned about the opinions of others. He had always had excellent grades in elementary school and failed in the junior high school entrance exam, but he eventually entered the top class. As the number of study subjects increases, the pressure to study continues to increase. The head teacher told him that he must improve his grades, otherwise he would be replaced. He was always under this psychological pressure. The first time I took the monthly exam, I ranked in the top dozen in the school, the second time I ranked over a hundred, and the third time my ranking dropped a bit. After the fourth monthly exam, I just didn’t want to go to school because I was afraid of the exam. Adolescence has special psychological and physiological changes, and children need more attention and understanding at this time. And I have always been most concerned about his scores and results in each test, and I have never paid attention to his psychological changes and confusion. He has formed such values——If I can\’t stay good, I can\’t be loved, recognized, and have the love of my parents. Children cannot find a sense of value in learning, and our parents are busy with work and neglect to accompany us. Then the children will feel lonely and bored, and instead get happiness on mobile phones and short videos. Three feet of ice cannot be frozen in one day. If you want your children to make changes, you must have enough patience and time and follow three specific steps. 031. Re-understand the impact of mobile phones and no longer put pressure on children. I have always been under relatively strict control over the use of mobile phones, and human nature is something that cannot be satisfied, so it will definitely continue to increase the desire for that need. . For example, if a person has been walking in the desert for seven days and nights and has run out of ammunition and food, then when he sees water and food, his first reaction must be to wolf it down with all his strength and regardless of the consequences. So the current counterattack against hunger and supplementation, although it makes people anxious and distressed, is in line with the rules. For children, mobile phones are now equivalent to being a perfect parent, helping me to raise children together and providing them with the psychological nutrition they need. If my own nurturing ability is not enough, the mobile phone is the safest object for him, because it is always better than him harming himself, or using other more addictive things to comfort him. So in this matter, I try to reduce the conflict between mobile phones and children as much as possible, and start from the main goal, which is to re-establish a healthier parent-child relationship, so that the children can slowly come out of their dependence on mobile phones and transform into And have more conversations with me. I will also find a point that I can do from the 7 needs that games can meet children, such as giving children timely positive feedback, doing my best to satisfy children, holding a magnifying glass to find the child\’s strengths, and the child will be recognized. It will feel more valuable and make the child feel happy and comfortable. (Teacher is added at the end of the article to learn more about the seven aspects of games that meet children’s psychological needs.) At the same time, regarding the management principles of mobile phones, the person who proposes the principles should be the children, not the parents. The children themselves should propose the principles, and the parents only need to agree, even if there is no Zi has met his own expectations and agrees that it is impossible to become a big fat man in one bite. He has to walk step by step. This is the basic condition for the implementation of the established principles. 2. Supplement psychological nutrition, respect boundaries, and discharge negative emotions. The topic of going to school is like a bloody wound after a fall. Whenever this topic is mentioned by the outside world, it is equivalent to someone touching the wound with their hand. It may be mild or severe, but the degree is different. It is not conducive to the scabbing and healing of wounds. Therefore, the fastest way to heal a wound is to provide adequate nutrition, to reduce external contact, and to constantly change dressings and maintain hygiene to avoid wound infection. These three points correspond to the psychological upbringing of mothers. This \”sufficient nutrition\” is to use unconditional satisfaction, affirmation, recognition and praise to supplement children\’s psychological nutrition; use a magnifying glass to find the children\’s advantages in daily life, and positively affirm them. When children feel safe, accepted and tolerated, they will have more courage to face difficulties and more strength to pursue success. \”reduce\”External touch\”: In the relationship, we maintain a certain distance, that is, we respect each other\’s boundaries. If the children don\’t mention it, we won\’t mention it. What must be done is to separate the subjects, otherwise we will only end up in an endless loop again and again. The child does not want to suspend school and does not want to study. This is all the child\’s own business. We do not assume his responsibility, but we can provide him with some solution suggestions. \”Continuously change dressings, maintain hygiene, and avoid wound infection.\” This is equivalent to not inputting more negative emotional garbage into children on the one hand, and on the other hand, trying to help children excrete negative emotional garbage. What parents can do is to be aware in daily life, without judging, without ordering, without demanding, without irritating children. We must control our emotions and language. 3. Regarding the issue of suspension and resumption of school, empathize with the children and provide coping strategies to make the children\’s return to school more calm and confident. The children have said they want to go back to school two or three times, but they have not gone back. If I think about it from my perspective, if I want to do something many times but fail to do it, I will feel that I am really bad. It’s too bad. I said it three times and failed to do it even once. It’s really good. Frustrated. What if it\’s a child? I will discuss with the child from the perspective of feelings and create a connection. My focus is no longer on external things, but on the child himself. I said to the child: \”Mom, I understand how you feel now. You don\’t want to drop out of school, but you have too many missed classes and you are worried about not being able to keep up. There are also daily English dictation and so on. Thinking of these is very troublesome. If you are a mother, I will have the same idea as you, and everyone must have the same idea. This is normal. First of all, about \”taking a break\”: we have to go back to the first grade of junior high school and get to know new teachers and new classmates. The current teachers and classmates are the same. It has become a thing of the past. If the baby can accept it, this method is okay. Mom supports you! The other is \”going to school\”: studying is very hard and everyone doesn\’t like it, but it depends on strong perseverance. Baby now touches it. Difficulties have arisen, but I have always believed that the baby will overcome them. Mom, will you face the current difficulties together?\” After hearing what I said, the child nodded with tears. He could feel his acceptance. . The child actually didn\’t want to drop out of school, so he finally accepted the plan of repeating the first year of junior high school. We rehearsed with him the problems he would face when he returned to school, and made a rehearsed plan to support his children at any time. During the upcoming summer vacation, my son plans to catch up on his study progress so that he can cope with it calmly after school starts. After all, my son has a good foundation in the past. I believe he can do his own thing well. Of course, my son will still play games when he has time, but now he will control his game time reasonably and will no longer be as addicted as before. This is understandable and acceptable. After going through this period of frustration and despair, what I want to tell you is that children’s mobile phone use is a very complex issue. Children’s growth is also full of twists and challenges. When we encounter problems, please talk to your children. Stand together and defeat the problem. Please never stand together with the problem and defeat the children. The best way is for parents to master some scientific and effective guidance methods and work with their children to overcome obstacles.If you are dependent on your mobile phone, you can also try my method. If your child has entered adolescence and has problems such as being tired of studying, rebellious, addicted to mobile phones, not wanting to go to school, or even depressed and suspended from school, etc. If you want to have in-depth communication, you can make an appointment for psychological counseling. Your confusion will be responded to as soon as possible.