After paying so much for his children, why did he become a \”white-eyed wolf\”?

Rooney is in the middle class of kindergarten and is very popular with his teachers. One day when he came back from school, he called: \”Mom, I\’m so exhausted!\” I quickly asked what was going on. He said: \”This Teacher Zhang asked me to help her set up stools after school.\” His tone seemed to be complaining, but it was full of joy. \”Mom, why does Teacher Zhang always ask me to do things for her?\” \”Because the teacher likes you and loves you! Do you know that only people who like you and love you will let you do things for them. Just like When you were a child, because you loved your mother very much, you always asked me to help you bathe, dress, brush your teeth, etc., and refused to let your father and grandma help you.\” I remember when Rooney was more than 6 months old, because I suffered from severe depression , so weaned him off and asked her husband to take him back to his hometown. A month later, when I returned to my hometown, he no longer let me hold him. Whether it\’s feeding, bathing or putting to sleep, it\’s all about grandma. I could only watch stupidly from the side, feeling extremely disappointed. Later, I decided: No matter how hard or tired I am in the future, I will take care of the children myself! Therefore, from eating, bathing, and massaging the children to dressing, sleeping, and changing diapers… As long as I am free, I do it myself and try not to let the elderly interfere. The child gradually reestablished a close relationship with me. Likewise, while I continue to pay for my child, I love him more and more. In the book \”The Road Less Traveled\”, when talking about true love, the author Scott Pike said: \”Love is not a feeling. Love is actual action and real dedication.\” Love at first sight is by no means love, just a feeling. Love is done, never felt. For a mother who has just given birth, it is hard to believe that she can fall in love with her child immediately. I remember that I had just given birth to a child, and I was lying on the hospital bed, looking at the wrinkled, dark, crying \”little flesh ball\”. I couldn\’t help but wonder: Is this my child? Why don\’t I feel love at all? Later, as I kept feeding, bathing, and changing diapers for this \”little meat ball,\” I slowly fell in love with him. However, as I continued to give, my child became more and more attached to me, so that no matter what he did later, he became more and more inseparable from me. No matter what he did, he only wanted me to do it for him and no one else. . I had to bend over to bathe and massage him for a long time, which gave me backache. I kept waking up at night to scratch him and change his diapers, which made me sleep deprived for a long time… I gradually became overwhelmed and began to complain that my husband didn\’t love the children and didn\’t help with the care. child. I started to reflect on myself, have I done too much? Every time my husband wants to help, I always think he is clumsy and push him away. Just imagine, if I didn’t go through ten months of pregnancy and I didn’t give my husband a chance to devote himself to the child, how could he fall in love with the child? After figuring it out, I learned to let go. As long as my husband is at home, I stay away from the child as much as possible and let him help the child bathe, dress, feed, and play with the child. No matter how well he does, I won\’t say anything about him. Gradually, the child is willing to let his father do things for him, and the husband is enjoying various interactions with the child more and more. The relationship between father and son is getting closer, and I can breathe a sigh of relief. I love you and I am willing to pay for you. Similarly, if you want others to love you, you have to find a way to make others pay for you. understand thisAfter that, as my children grew older, I often created opportunities to \”show weakness\” to my children and let them do things for me. When I had low back pain, I asked him to rub my back; when I went out, I asked him to carry my bag; when I took a shower, I deliberately forgot to bring a towel, and then asked him to hand it in for me; when he ate something good, I deliberately said: \”Mom wants to eat too!\” Then I let him feed me a bite with peace of mind… He often said \”Mom is so stupid\” and \”Mom is so greedy\” while happily doing these things for me. Because these things not only made him feel that his mother valued and needed him, but also made him feel that \”I am a valuable person.\” This recognition of self-worth is the prerequisite for children\’s mental health and the foundation for cultivating children\’s self-confidence and courage. \”Showing weakness\” in front of my children not only did not damage my image, but also helped me get more love from my children. Children often say to people without hesitation: \”The person I love most in this world is my mother!\” Once, we thought that only by being a selfless and dedicated mother can we be a good mother, and our children will love us. When the child was young, we suppressed his greed and left all the delicious food to him; when the child went to school, in order to let him study with peace of mind, we tried our best to prepare him various nutritious meals and did not let him do a little housework; when the child graduated In order to find him a good job, we did not hesitate to spend all our savings and search all the connections… For the sake of our children, we were really worried. We can\’t wait to give all the good things to our children, we can\’t wait to do everything for our children, and remove all the obstacles on the way to growth. However, what did we get? The result of this kind of \”self-sacrifice without asking for anything in return\” is that in the end the child becomes a \”white-eyed wolf\”: he never cares about his parents and only knows how to ask for more and more. We complain: \”We love our children so much and have sacrificed so much for them. Why don\’t our children love us at all in the end?\” As everyone knows, such \”self-sacrificing\” love is not real love at all. It only satisfies our desire to become The need for \”perfect parents\” does nothing to help children\’s mental growth. Nowadays, there are more and more \”mama\’s boys\” and \”unweaned babies\” appearing in society. Tracing back to the root cause, they are all related to the long-term \”love\” from their parents. “True love can make people change. It is essentially a kind of self-expansion rather than pure self-sacrifice.” “Excessive love is worse than no love at all. Giving when you should refuse is not kindness, but harm. Taking care of someone who has the ability to take care of you will only make the other person more dependent. This is an abuse of love.\” – \”The Road Less Traveled\” gives up being a selfless \”perfect mother\”, Creating opportunities for children to learn to give can help them understand how to love others and promote their healthy growth.