After \”raising a useless\” son with my own hands, I suddenly realized: the stupidest education is to \”wait for the flowers to bloom\”

My son is 14 years old and is in the second grade of junior high school. Since childhood, my husband and I have not had high expectations for him. We just hope that he can grow up healthy and not fall behind too far in studies. As for those tutoring classes, interest classes, etc., we respect his own choices and do not force them. Because we all came from rural areas, our families were busy when we were young, and our parents had a free-range education. They had no time to supervise our studies, let alone tutor us. But maybe it was this kind of freedom that allowed us to learn self-discipline, our academic performance has always been good, and we were all admitted to good universities in the end. Therefore, from the birth of our son to the present, we have always adhered to the concept of \”happy education\”, \”respected\” the children\’s ideas, and worked hard to create a relaxed and free growth environment for the children. Especially after witnessing the tragedies caused by excessively forcing children to study, this belief has been strengthened. Speaking of which, my son is also very competitive. Although we don\’t force him to study, his grades in elementary school have always been stable, basically above average. Occasionally there are slight ups and downs, but he can adjust quickly. Overall, he is quite satisfactory. . In terms of personality, our son is well-behaved, sensible, and unassuming. He has always been a good, worry-free child and has never caused any trouble for us. Whether at school or at home, he behaves very calmly and reassuringly. The only thing that makes me feel bad is that he has no special interests. I remember when I was a child, I enrolled him in a martial arts class, thinking that he would learn some self-defense skills. But my son couldn\’t bear the hardship. After practicing for a while, he said he was too tired and didn\’t want to learn anymore. I feel bad for him too, but I don\’t have the heart to push him anymore, so let\’s just forget about the martial arts class. Later, I enrolled in calligraphy, basketball, swimming, etc., but I persisted for one semester and then refused to go. I thought the child was still young and had not yet determined his character. He would be fine when he grew older, so I didn’t take it too seriously. Besides, if we think back to when we were children, we didn’t know anything, but we still thrived, right? So, I let him develop as he pleased, as long as my son is happy and healthy. Seeing those families around me where the parent-child relationship is strained or even broken due to excessive pursuit of results and fierce involution, I feel quite proud. I am glad that I did the right thing and gave my children enough freedom. As for me, I just need to \”wait for the flowers to bloom\” and watch him grow up slowly. However, since my son entered the second grade of junior high school, a series of changes in him caught me off guard. First, he became very irritable, and the slightest thing would make him furious. If he said a few words, he would blow his beard and stare at me, then slam the door shut and never come out again. We used to go to the movies, go shopping, and enjoy family time every weekend. But now, asking him to go out is more difficult than going to heaven. He just stays in bed all day, looking listless. What annoys me is that every time it’s time to eat, my son starts to pick and choose. He doesn’t eat the prepared meals and insists on ordering takeout. I feel like he’s deliberately looking for trouble. There are also constant problems at school. The teacher reported to me that he often loses focus in class, does his homework poorly, and sometimes falls asleep. He looks unconvinced after a few criticisms, and his grades have dropped sharply. At the end of this semester, I have been talked to by the teacher twice. I really don\’t understand, how come my good son suddenly seems to be a different person? I have always respected his choice and given him enough free space. Why is it like this now? What went wrong? 02 During that time, I was completely panicked, feeling deeply powerless and confused, as if I had suddenly lost my direction. Ever since I was a child, I have never been as helpless as I am now. To be honest, no matter how Buddhist I am, I still can’t tolerate my son’s dawdling in junior high school. In the end, he won’t be able to go to high school! Faced with confusion, I forced myself to calm down. Through various methods such as reading, listening to classes, and attending lectures, I gradually understood the physical and mental development characteristics of adolescent children. I knew that my son was now in a stage of hormone fluctuations and mood changes. I have more understanding of him. However, what really enlightened me was this sentence: \”Don\’t just see the beauty of waiting for the flowers to bloom, but ignore the hardship of working silently behind it. Waiting for the flowers to bloom means not insisting on the results, but not on the process. \”This sentence is like a bolt of lightning, instantly illuminating the fog in my heart and making me suddenly realize. It turns out that the real \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\” is not simply to let children grow freely, but to give them timely guidance and correction through the combination of experience and wisdom on the way of their growth. You must not sit idly by! If a child grows up in an unconstrained and completely free environment, although the child can be flexible and have strong plasticity, it is because of this that he lacks stability. As a result, it is difficult for him to discover the things he truly loves and pursues. He is always in an uncertain and wavering state of dissociation, without a clear direction of effort. Such children are often unaware of their true inner desires and needs. Looking back now, I begin to understand why I always feel that my son has no desires and needs. No wonder, he is neither competitive nor eager to show off. He treats everything so indifferently. There is nothing that he particularly likes or dislikes. It turned out that he had no idea what he wanted. On the surface, I \”respect\” my child\’s choice. I never force him to learn something he doesn\’t want to learn, and I don\’t encourage him to persevere more. I always think that it will be fine when he grows up. In fact, my approach is more like a laissez-faire approach to my son, with no guidance or positive incentives at all. As a result, my son gradually lost his original enthusiasm and motivation for everything and became confused and at a loss. When adolescence arrives, the son\’s self-awareness begins to awaken. Subconsciously, he wants to do something \”out of line\” to attract the attention of his parents. These behaviors may be his silent expression, hoping that we can pay more attention to him and understand his confusion and needs as he grows up. I finally learned that my son’s “abnormal” behaviors were actually his way of self-salvation. They were like a mirror, reflecting the shortcomings of my education methods. After realizing this, my mind suddenly became enlightened and I had a clear direction on how to adjust next. 031. Have an in-depth communication with your son, understand his inner feelings, truly \”respect\” your son, and guide and encourage him to do the right thing. True respect is based on clearbased on clear boundaries and rules. We must respect our children\’s feelings and needs, but we must also set clear boundaries and rules for them so that they understand what behaviors are allowed and what are not. In this way, children can find a balance between freedom and responsibility, and grow into people who are both responsible and courageous. That night, I quietly opened the door to my son\’s room, sat quietly next to him, and we chatted about what was on my mind. Before I knew it, more than an hour had passed. I gently said to my son: Mom understands your confusion and loneliness now. This is a normal emotion that every adolescent child will encounter. Don’t worry too much. In fact, from childhood to adulthood, my heart has always been closely connected with you. Every growth you have and every challenge you have encountered have deeply affected my heart. Maybe I didn\’t seem to care or care enough before, but that was just because I was afraid of putting too much pressure on you and wanted you to fly more freely, but it definitely doesn\’t mean that I don\’t love you. Now, I have realized my shortcomings in education and am constantly learning. I hope to face difficulties with you. Son, don’t give up on yourself. Mom believes you have the ability to overcome difficulties, regain confidence, and move on! My son finally couldn\’t bear it any longer, and tears fell down drop by drop. He hugged me tightly and said in a choked voice: Mom, I thought no matter what I did, you wouldn\’t notice or take it to heart. At this moment, our hearts are tightly connected. 2. The real \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\” is to wait patiently while not forgetting to cultivate them carefully. Don\’t just wait for the flowers to bloom and ignore the silent cultivation. When the child\’s vision and structure are not big enough, he needs our guidance. Growth is the responsibility of the child, watering is the responsibility of the parents. There are no children born with self-consciousness. It is the nature of children to be lazy and playful, and to complain about hardship and tiredness. The most taboo thing in education is that parents are afraid of trouble. Every self-disciplined and conscious child is indispensable for the long-term companionship, strict supervision and correct discipline of parents. . In the past, I was always too \”obedient\” to my son\’s wishes. As long as he was unwilling to do something, I would give in without principle. As a result, his son failed to develop any special skills. Whenever he saw children of the same age who were better than him, he seemed a little disappointed and gradually lost confidence. After realizing this, I decided to work side by side with my son to overcome the learning difficulties together. I first made two copies of his recent test papers, one for me and one for him. After helping him sort out the knowledge points and making sure he understood them thoroughly, we sat down and each took the copied test papers. Start working on the questions at the same time, encourage each other, and make progress together. My son was very happy with this kind of learning time. When he saw that I made a mistake on a question, he would come over enthusiastically and patiently explain it to me. At that moment, I felt his passion for learning. In addition, I also encourage my son to participate in more sports. Every day after dinner, our family of three would go out for a run together, starting with an easy 1 kilometer and exercising relentlessly. Gradually, he also started to like running, and he was very enthusiastic every time he ran. As a result, our family relationship became closer and more harmonious. 3. Use \”fancy praise\” and physical rewards to coexistThe method stimulates the son\’s inner drive to learn. Now I understand: true free-range education frees children\’s thinking and cultivates children\’s habits. Excellent children are inseparable from the guidance and encouragement of their parents. To this end, I specially studied the \”fancy praise\” method and used questions to diversify children\’s thinking. The specific method is to first look for and magnify the son\’s strengths like a magnifying glass, and then guide him to self-reflect on what he did well and how he did it. For example, when he managed to improve his math scores within a month. I would ask: Son, my mother saw that you improved your math scores in just one month. How did you do it? When I was doing my homework just now, I have been paying attention to you. I found that although this set of test papers is difficult, you did not complain, but kept thinking. If it were me, I might have given up after a few minutes, but you didn\’t. You really have the spirit of independent thinking and self-learning. This way of asking questions not only made him feel my recognition and encouragement, but also prompted him to actively think about and summarize his own successful experience. In addition to the spiritual rewards of \”fancy praise\”, I also set up a special reward mechanism for my son. I promised him that every time his performance improved by 5 places, as an affirmation of his efforts, I would reward him with a weekend excursion, giving him the opportunity to stay outside for one night and completely relax. Enjoy this hard-won achievement and fun. Gradually, I found that there was light in my son\’s eyes. He was no longer as desireless as before, but was moving towards small goals with enthusiasm. During the final exam, I received a huge surprise from my son – he broke into the top 10 in the class! This result surprised even the teacher. She asked me curiously about what methods were used to achieve such a big change in her son. In fact, it is not just the children that have changed, but also the way our parents guide their children. In the past, I didn’t have any expectations for my son, thinking that he just needed to grow up freely. But what I didn’t expect was that such children seemed to be free and at ease, but their hearts were still full of confusion about the future, and they might even I feel like I am not needed by my family and have no sense of belonging! Children who have been \”in the air\” for a long time will easily become lack of motivation for everything, especially for learning. They will feel that no matter how well they learn or do well, no one will care! Such children are more likely to give up when they encounter setbacks in learning! As parents, we must give our children appropriate, clear and definite expectations, so that our children will have more goals and direction! Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!