After raising children for 8 years, I discovered the secret to raising boys…

How difficult is it to raise a boy? I attended a family gathering not long ago. As soon as we met, Chengcheng\’s mother couldn\’t wait to pour out the \”bitter water\”: \”I have lost half my life to raise a son!\” She has a naughty son who has been very active since he was a child. There is never a moment of peace of mind. Raising a Boy Collector\’s Edition PDF download [on the bestseller list for 15 years] such as putting him to sleep. She started hypnotizing her son at eight o\’clock every night, chanting the spell over and over again: \”It\’s eight o\’clock, it\’s time to go to bed, are you sleepy?\” Then she started a series of \”bedtime rituals\”: brushing teeth, changing pajamas, reading Picture book… Two hours later, her throat was smoking and her eyelids were fighting, but her son suddenly jumped out of bed with clear eyes: \”Mom, let\’s play \’Plants vs. Zombies\’…\” For example, playing with her. Ever since she had her son, she has developed a \”masochistic constitution\”: She said the same sentence three times, and it was a fluke that her son could hear her. The first two sentences fell on deaf ears, and the rest were basically yelled; playing a game is not something that her son can do to her. \”Iron Tou\” got a black nose and swollen eyes, or his scalp was bleeding after being hit by his small metal plane, or he was kicked by \”Shadowless Scud\” until his ribs were \”broken\”… Another example is doing homework. As soon as my son does his homework, he either enters a \”tranquil state\”: his eyes are straight as he writes, and his mind wanders too much; or he makes small movements continuously: chewing his fingers, playing with rubber, feeling thirsty for a while, peeing for a while, sitting for a while. He was writing, squatting for a while, and once he even wrote with his feet, saying that he wanted to try how to write without arms… He was not raising a son, he was clearly raising a \”Sun Wukong\”. Professor Ye Bin, a doctor of psychology, once said: \”To raise a boy, you must be able to withstand abuse.\” Scientific research shows that boys have higher levels of dopamine in their blood, and dopamine can increase the probability of impulsive and risky behavior; boys\’ brain stems contain More spinal fluid, which makes them stronger and more energetic; the prefrontal cortex of boys\’ brains develops later, and they are more likely to be impulsive, angry, and have excessive emotions; the main male hormone in boys is testosterone, which will bring more High aggression; slow learning, poor concentration, bad temper, noisy, and destructive… Raising children is not easy, but raising them well is even harder! If there is a boy in the family, his eyes must be \”blind\” and his heart must be \”big\”. Be generous and allow boys to be slower. Many parents find that no matter what they learn or do when they are young, boys have more difficulty than girls: ugly handwriting, slow homework, carelessness, and forgetfulness… Urging him, yelling at him, scolding him, all to no avail. In fact, this seemingly incorrigible boy’s brain development is 6-12 months later than that of girls, especially in terms of language, logic, fine movements, and coordination. But as age increases, brain development gradually improves, and boys who were originally lagging behind will soon catch up. When raising a boy, the most taboo thing is to \”reinforce the child\’s growth\”. In the Korean drama \”Castle in the Sky\”, the boy Yingcai\’s parents have high hopes for him and have forced him to study crazily since he was a child. From the age of seven, Yingcai must study until 2 a.m. every day, even if he is sick, injured or even faints. He was instilled with a lot of super knowledge in advance, and he couldn\’t make mistakes. If he didn\’t come first in the exam, he would have no food; if his grades dropped, he would be pointed at a gun and threatened with death… In such a high schoolUnder oppression, Yingcai\’s heart gradually twisted, and finally forced his mother to commit suicide through revenge. Psychoanalyst Winnicott said: \”The parents who have the worst influence on their children are anxious parents.\” Anxious parents cannot eat hot tofu, and anxious parents cannot raise good sons. The best parenting is to respect the child\’s natural growth rhythm. Professor Ye Bin once shared his son’s growth experience. When he was in kindergarten, his son was not as good as other children because of his young age. He was always timid and silent; in the last semester of the first class, his son suddenly caught up, and after many layers of \” He entered an elementary school where it was very difficult to pass the exam. However, after entering elementary school, his son fell behind again. His grades were \”stable\” and ranked among the bottom three in the class for three consecutive years. Even his mother, who was originally calm, said at the parent-teacher meeting It was not until the fourth grade that my son started to counterattack again. In the fifth grade, he won the first place in the international mathematics competition. When he decided to study in the UK at the last minute, he took the naked test to five good British schools and was admitted to four of them. Life is a marathon. It is better to force a boy to run fast than to let him run far. Being too anxious may not necessarily bring a boy a win at the starting line, but he may also stumble along the way. Be big-hearted and don\’t be anxious; be slow and don\’t be impatient. One day, your boy will be a late bloomer and emerge from the ground. Be big-hearted and give boys enough respect and trust. American writer Emerson Ergerich said in the book \”Raising Boys\”: \”If you can only give a boy one thing, give him respect.\” There is scientific research to prove it. : Boys feel much more acutely, are much more vulnerable, and react more strongly to cowardly and undignified states. In order to gain dignity, the boy is even willing to give up love. Do you still remember the 14-year-old boy who jumped from a building in Wuhan last year? Because he was playing poker in the classroom, the head teacher asked his parents to come to school to cooperate with him in discipline. As a result, when the mother saw him, she rushed up to him without saying a word, slapped him twice in public, and then pushed her son against the wall, scolding, pinching and pushing him. The son stood by the wall in embarrassment without saying a word. After a few minutes, he suddenly turned around, jumped up on the fence in full view of everyone, and jumped down… Dignity is what the boy needs in his heart. The \”punch-type education\” of \”deep love and deep responsibility\” is a disaster for boys with strong self-esteem. Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, once talked about his experiences in elementary school in \”Family Education Class\”. One time during class, he saw an ant crawling on the table. He found it very interesting and became distracted. The teacher called my mother and said that he was not paying attention in class and was always distracted. Unexpectedly, his mother would side with him: \”I used to be distracted like this when I was a child.\” Another time, the teacher assigned a composition \”The early bird catches the worm\”. Zheng Yuanjie changed the title without permission and wrote \”The early bird gets eaten by the worm\”. Bird Eats\”. The teacher was very angry and asked him to say \”Zheng Yuanjie is the most unpromising person in the class\” hundreds of times in front of the whole class, and even wanted to expel him. But his father did not scold him for this. Instead, he thought that the teacher had made a mistake by not caring about the child\’s dignity. He calmly said to him: \”It\’s okay, kid. I\’ll teach you when I go home.\” ZhengYuan Jie said that when he was humiliated and ostracized not because he made mistakes, his parents firmly supported and defended him and became his backer. From then on, he had the ultimate weapon to compete in life. Respect and trust from parents touch a boy\’s heart the most. If you have a boy at home, you cannot always try to control or stop him. The best way is to see the patterns and needs of your child\’s growth and give him opportunities to try, challenge and exercise. Respecting boys does not mean giving up discipline, let alone doting, but conveying to boys: \”I believe in you, and you will become someone I admire.\” Love requires free air and the courage to let go. When your heart is big enough, your children will give you bigger surprises in return. Be more generous and are willing to let boys endure hardships. Psychologist Li Meijin said: \”The more hardships a person endures in his early years, the better he will be able to bear it later. Children at home, especially sons, must be raised with hardship and must not take too much care of them.\” Thoughtful. If you want to raise a rebellious son, then you must be obedient to him.\” Not long ago, a piece of news that said \”Oxford graduates sued their parents for cheating on their elders\” shocked countless netizens. Siddiqui, 41, worked as a lawyer after graduating from Oxford University, but later became unemployed due to psychological problems due to frustration at work. Because they were afraid that he would be wronged, his parents not only gave him a high-end apartment worth a million pounds to cover his various expenses, but also gave him an extra 400 pounds a week for living expenses. But instead of being grateful and working actively, Siddiqui used mental illness as an excuse to live happily for 10 years until his parents couldn\’t bear it and cut off his financial resources. Siddiqui became angry and sued his parents. After asking his parents to pay \”support\” to no avail, he blamed his current embarrassment on his parents\’ failure to fulfill their duties, which allowed him to spend a \”fragile childhood\” and asked his parents to provide lifelong financial support… This is the real-life version. The story of \”The Farmer and the Snake\”. Bai Yansong once said: Hard-working education is a precious asset in life. Don\’t let your children choose ease at an age when they should endure hardship. Forward-looking parents are willing to let their sons endure hardship. The documentary film \”The King of Soul\” tells the legendary and unyielding life of the talented musician Ray Charles, known as the \”Father of Soul Music\”. He was born into a poor black family and became blind at the age of seven. Although life was difficult, Charles did not fall into despair. Not only was he very independent, but he also achieved great success with his love and persistence in music. All this depends on the mother\’s \”big heart\”. Charles, who had just lost his sight, bumped into something every time he took a step. He did not dare to get up after falling, and cried out in panic, \”Mom, help me.\” His mother was so distressed that she shed tears, but she still resisted the urge to step forward and stood in the corner instead. Silently watching him fall again and again and fumble to stand up again and again. In order to let Charles get used to the life of blindness and learn to take care of himself, she treated him like a normal person and let him wash his clothes, make fire and boil water by himself. Charles said: \”Others think she is very cruel, but my mother always believed that I must learn all this. Being invisible does not mean that I am stupider than others.\” A boy can truly grow up by having to endure some hardships. Only after experiencing the hardship of \”housework\” can we learn to be grateful and bear the burden of \”housework\”.Take responsibility; only after suffering the hardship of \”study\” can you run hard and gain a broader life; only after suffering the hardship of \”life\” can you be indomitable and face every win or loss calmly. I don\’t want to let the boy suffer, he may suffer for the rest of his life. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: \”As parents, we are not trying to encourage our children to grow up to be who we want them to be, but to provide them with a platform and opportunity to grow into who they are.\” \”Blind\” does not mean ignoring, \”big heart\” does not mean laissez-faire, but taking a step back and giving the child space to grow freely: with a \”slow\” heart, accept his differences; with a \”tolerant\” heart \”A heart that respects the pace of his growth; a heart that is \”determined\” achieves his perseverance. Some people say: \”Life is like a box of dark chocolates, but the mother of a boy is given a box of dark chocolates, 100% that kind, bitter and astringent.\” In fact, whether raising a boy or a girl, there are subtle differences, but the core thing is , is unconditional love. Under the nourishment of love, both boys and girls will eventually break out of their cocoons and become butterflies, growing towards the sun.