After raising my son to death, I realized: the stupidest education is to \”wait for the flowers to bloom\”

It is easy to raise a child; it is so difficult to raise a child well! Ever since my son entered first grade, I have been competing with him in a battle of wits and courage. In my opinion, he had too many bad habits – procrastination, no sense of time, poor handwriting, not liking to review, being sloppy and always getting simple questions wrong… But at that time, I was full of hope and thought he was smart. As long as he develops good study habits, he will become excellent. It wasn\’t until I actually did it that I realized it was too difficult. If my son can\’t write well, I ask him to practice calligraphy every day. I pick out the poorly written characters in my homework and ask him to erase and rewrite them. But every time he got very angry and talked back to me, \”Why, it\’s very good!\” Then he started to cheat, and I had to yell at him before he reluctantly changed it. But I changed it to pass the test today, but it will be the same tomorrow. I never thought about writing the test in one go, so as not to waste time. The calculation is the same. I ask for a penalty of 10 for each wrong one until all are correct. But he couldn\’t change his carelessness. Either he saw something wrong here or calculated something wrong there. As long as he paid a little more attention to those calculation questions and checked them carefully, he would be able to get them all right. However, he dealt with them with the mentality of handing over the work, and the result was full of mistakes. Once, he calculated 22-3 as 25. I was so angry that I exploded on the spot and slapped him with 25 hands: \”If you don\’t read the question seriously and you still do it after telling it ten thousand times, I have to give you a long lesson today.\” Memory.\” Although I cried bitterly at the time and promised me that I would read the questions carefully next time, within two days, I made the wrong question again. The problem of procrastination became even more serious. Starting from the third grade, he was very resistant to doing homework. He would drag himself home every night and had to answer three reminders and four requests before he could sit down at the desk. He didn\’t let me do his homework with him, and I wasn\’t allowed to peek. But I was not at ease at all, because he had no self-control at all and would get distracted while doing it. Once, I chose to believe him, and he promised to complete the homework within 2 hours. But when the time came, he hadn\’t finished half of it. That night, I was so angry that he kept making excuses, saying that his pen was out of ink, and that the teacher had sent the wrong notebook. Anyway, he was shirking responsibility. I was really disappointed with him, so I arranged everything for him, when to do homework, when to review, when to play… I spent all my time on him and thought about him wholeheartedly, but what happened? ? Not only did he not become self-disciplined, he became rebellious after entering junior high school. As soon as he got home in the evening, he was thinking about playing games. When he was urged to do homework, he got angry: \”Urgent, urgent, I\’m a machine and don\’t need to rest?\” In order to play games, he did his homework perfunctorily. For this reason, I thought about collecting his mobile phone, but every time he ended up getting angry. Seeing me quarreling with my son all day long, my husband advised me: \”Don\’t ask you to arrange this and that all day long. Studying is his own business. Just like me, when I was in elementary school, I was more messed up than anyone else, but in the third year of junior high, I suddenly became sensible and understood. I worked hard, but I got a good score in the first exam. This is called waiting for the flowers to bloom!\” I was very angry after hearing this. He usually doesn\’t care about the child, but now he blames me for being too tight when the child is bad, so I followed his words: \”Okay, I don\’t care, you just wait for the flowers to bloom and see if they can bloom!\” The result was as I expected, when I didn\’t care at all, he completely let himself go. Playing games all night long is the norm, and homework is alsoHe often stopped doing it. In just one month, his grades plummeted, and my husband panicked. After having a heart-to-heart talk with my son, I found that it was useless and I beat and scolded him. As a result, my son became even more rebellious. During that time, my house was in a mess. I quarreled with my son and my husband, and mocked him for not growing the flowers he wanted to \”wait for them to bloom\”, and my son was about to die. That was the darkest moment of my life. I couldn\’t find the reason for my son\’s depravity, and I couldn\’t figure out the reason for the conflicts in the family. My intuition told me that if this continued, the family would be broken up. I started searching for posts about “children who are tired of studying” and “addicted to games” and found that too many families were exactly like ours. I regained my confidence when I discovered that some parents had successfully saved their children by changing their methods. Since then, I have begun to seriously study parenting knowledge, child psychology, etc., and have benefited a lot from listening to expert lectures, and have found a method suitable for my son through constant practice. I used to have a question: Why do people say you should \”wait for the flowers to bloom\”? Many parents \”wait for the flowers to bloom\” have raised self-disciplined and motivated children. Why is it that when this trick is used on sons, the results are worse? In fact, many parents believe that \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\” means doing nothing. When their children grow up to a certain age, they will suddenly become sensible and know how to work hard and make progress. This is a misunderstanding of \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\”. The correct way to \”wait for the flowers to bloom\” is for parents to give their children sufficient patience, look at their shortcomings with a tolerant attitude, not destroy their self-confidence, and quietly build up their interest in learning before their children are enlightened. These self-confidences and interests will gradually show strong energy in the subsequent study and life, allowing children to make progress for the better, constantly break through themselves, and realize the transformation into flowers. On the contrary, in the previous education process, I kept a close eye on the results and constantly found fault with the children for the so-called study habits. During the learning process, all he felt was shock and dissatisfaction. If he finished his homework too quickly, he would be accused of poor writing, if he finished his homework, he would be accused of being inefficient, or he would be constantly punished for getting simple questions wrong… I The starting point is to let children grow their memory, get rid of bad habits, and achieve self-discipline and progress. In fact, the children are constantly being hit and denied, and they become panicked, disgusted, and frustrated when faced with learning. When children feel that learning is annoying, they will naturally treat it as a burden. Internal drive is destroyed, learning falls into passivity and relies entirely on giving up thinking. He does whatever his parents tell him to do, and whether he can do it well or not is no longer a question for him to think about… It is precisely because I did not understand the child\’s psychology and took it for granted that I pushed the child step by step to the current situation. So, what can we do to get our son back on his feet? After a year of practice, I finally rebuilt the parent-child relationship and helped my son establish a sense of value. I will share the specific method with you, I hope it will be useful to you. (1) Parents close their eyes and shut up, relieve confrontational emotions, and rebuild a healthy parent-child relationship. The reasons why children are tired of learning and addicted to games are nothing more than two reasons: a deep negative impression of learning; and using learning as a bargaining chip to confront their parents. If parents confront each other head-on, both sides will lose. To improve a child\’s attitude towards learning, don\’t expect the child to suddenly become sensible. Only when the parents soften their attitude and rebuild trust and parent-child relationship with the child will he cooperate and try to change. So I have to do two things: shut up and close my eyes, reallySincerely care. So, I started to change myself. When I see my son playing games and not doing his homework again, I no longer yell at him and repeat the old saying over and over again: \”The high school entrance examination is coming soon. If you don\’t pass, it\’s over.\” I just pretend I don\’t see it. My son played all night long, and I didn\’t bother to collect his cell phone. On weekends, my son sleeps until the afternoon, and I no longer worry about him wasting time. …This is very similar to letting go completely before, but it is fundamentally different. In the past, I let go with the mentality of watching a show. I felt in my heart that he could not do well, and I was waiting to see him slap me in the face, and to see his father slap me in the face. Moreover, I was cold and violent, didn\’t cook, and kept a dark face all day long, or I would quarrel with him or his father. The child can feel my emotions and therefore continues to be stuck in the emotional confrontation. But now, I let go and accept it. For example, if he doesn\’t eat on time, I will put the cooked meal in the refrigerator and leave a note, \”Remember to eat when you are hungry.\” When I come home from a business trip, I will bring my son a gift he likes. When I see interesting TV, I will invite him to join me. …In addition to letting go, I treat him with a peaceful attitude, accept his bad qualities, allow him to be bad, and do not cancel my love for him because he does not study hard. The child\’s senses are very keen. He felt my sincerity, put away his thorns, and tried to accept us. Sure enough, our relationship began to become harmonious. He no longer treated me harshly and liked to get along with us. We often went out to have big dinners together and he was willing to share anything with me. Although he is still addicted to games, he does not deliberately skip studying just to get angry. On the contrary, he has a much better attitude towards learning and is more serious about his homework when it is time to do it. (2) Gradually let go, help the child gain a sense of value and control, and awaken the child\’s inner drive. In the past, I was afraid that my son would make mistakes, and I was used to taking over everything in my son\’s learning, which deprived him of the opportunity to make mistakes and made him lose the opportunity to make mistakes. Gain self-control. So, I want to let go step by step. But this kind of letting go is not about being the boss, but about discovering the child\’s strengths, giving him a sense of accomplishment, and giving him confidence and energy when he is frustrated. For example, one day, I found that my son was doing well in his physics homework, and I immediately recognized it: \”Son, you are good at physics. This question is so complicated, but you got it right. But I don\’t quite understand this step. Why do you do this?\” After hearing this, my son immediately raised his tail and said, \”It\’s very simple, just understand this circuit diagram…\” He spoke very seriously, and I listened very carefully. Finally, I gave him a thumbs up, \”Your mother used to be most afraid of physics. I can\’t understand these circuit diagrams at all. It seems that you are very skilled in learning physics.\” I sincerely recognized that I had helped him see his own advantages and achievements. I felt full and started to have some confidence in physics. Later, I found that he spent significantly more time on physics at night, and he was more serious when doing physics. Even if he encountered difficult problems, he was willing to think more about it. Of course, it doesn\’t mean that he got better immediately. Most of the time during this period, he still dealt with his homework, but I didn\’t find fault with him, but patiently waited for his next good behavior to appear. Not only that, I also often give feedback to teachers of various subjects on my children’s recent strengths: for example, when I go home, I take the initiative to read irrational numbers and memorize knowledge points; I also do a somewhat difficult task.Mathematics questions… This is a subtle way to create a positive image of the child for the teacher. Sure enough, after a while, the physics teacher praised him in class for his progress in physics. That night, he was laughing so hard that he kept showing off to me: \”My physics teacher said that my progress in physics is the fastest he has ever seen!\” From then on, he became more interested in physics. . I ask him for advice from time to time, and sometimes I even ask my husband, a top student, to ask him for advice humbly. My son felt that he was invincible and became more and more energetic as he studied. In a short period of time, my physics scores improved a lot. In the third grade of junior high school, he became the representative of the physics class. The math teacher said, \”I\’m waiting for you to be my math class representative!\” The teacher made an unintentional joke, but his son listened. The confidence he built in physics made him believe that he could also handle mathematics. He transferred the learning methods he had used in physics to mathematics. Gradually, there was some improvement in mathematics. …Sometimes, drive is really a magical thing. When you try every possible means to train them, the child just has no motivation and can\’t cope with the problem. When you look away and let him do what he wants, it comes back out of nowhere. Although my son\’s studies are currently only average in the class, there are still many subjects where he has bigger problems. But I am no longer anxious and confused. I believe that as long as the method is right and the mentality is good, he will get better and better!