After reading the story about the depressed son of a Fudan professor, I decided to withdraw my daughter from school…

\”Sooner or later, death is inevitable. Wouldn\’t it be nice to die now?\” A video by the famous psychologist Professor He Lingfeng stung me. A 14-year-old boy, whose parents are professors at Fudan University, has jumped off buildings and cut his wrists many times. With no other choice, the parents took their son to Professor He, who chatted with the boy for an hour. The boy asked: \”Teacher He, do you think people will die sooner or later?\” Professor He said: \”Yes.\” The boy said: \”I am 14 years old now. My parents are university professors, so I should have eaten and eaten since I was a child. I have experienced all the fun and things I should go to. I feel that I have no regrets in life. Next, if I continue to live and take the high school entrance examination and fail to get into a good school, my parents will feel very embarrassed. However, After getting into a good high school, I still need to get into a good university. After getting into a good university, I still need to study for a master\’s degree and a doctorate. No matter how I study, I may not be able to study better than my parents. I just study like them. Look, they are both university professors, aren’t they just living like this? Are they just social beasts? Look, their relationship is not good, what’s the point of fighting every day? Well, if you want to have a child like me, you have to worry about it every day. If you look at a character like mine, my boss will definitely PUA me after I go out, and then I will have to be whipped by society, and then I will have to get married, raise a child, and be raped. Comment, I will die in the end. Why should I die after being tortured by society? I will die sooner or later, isn’t it good?” Professor He thought the child’s words made sense: “Well, Yes. There is no point in living, life is so difficult.\” Then he asked the boy about playing games. The boy replied: \”Playing games is not interesting. After you play it, you will find that that\’s all.\” My daughter is also 14 years old this year. She said the same thing to the boy and did the same thing. However, for a long time, I didn’t understand. Her father and I created such good material conditions for her, gave her everything she asked for, and took good care of her. Why did she become depressed? Why don\’t you want to live? \”Mom and Dad, I may be depressed.\” Many people say. My daughter is the ideal child in most parents\’ minds, and I think so too. She has been obedient since she was a child and has almost never caused my husband and me to worry. She is self-conscious about her studies, has a regular work and rest schedule, is good at painting, and is considerate to her parents. There is nothing wrong with her at all. After she went to school, all the teachers praised her: \”It\’s so rare to see such a self-consciously hard-working child!\” As for me, I would humbly say: \”This child has made people worry-free since she was a child, and she is also very caring. Look at me. She is so busy with work that she urges me to eat on time. \”She has a harmonious relationship with everyone around her and is always eager to help others. So, when I realized something was not right with her, my first reaction was: the child has reached puberty. She became irritable and sometimes lost her temper over trivial matters; she became lazy, lying in bed all day on weekends and not allowing me to open the curtains; she no longer studied consciously, and the class teacher reported to me many times that she She skipped class and didn\’t do her homework; she would shut herself in the room to draw as soon as she got home, and ignored us no matter what my husband and I told her; I found that she would always be helpless.Consciousness bites his own nails, leaving them with pits. …I didn’t know at the time that this was no longer a simple state of adolescence, but might be a manifestation of depression. I just felt puzzled and disappointed: Is this still my well-behaved and sensible daughter? Why don\’t you think about your parents anymore when you\’re older? We are so exhausted from working day in and day out that we still have to look at her face when we get home? But then I thought, maybe adolescent children are like this, and it will pass as time goes by, so I tolerated it as much as possible and didn\’t pay too much attention to my daughter\’s condition. Until I received a call from my head teacher. She said that her daughter\’s studies have declined drastically recently. In the most recent quiz, she only scored 85 points in math, which she is best at. I exploded when I heard it. I can tolerate other things, but I must not accommodate her when it comes to learning. I made a study plan for her that day. If she didn\’t complete it, I would cancel all entertainment activities and stop her from painting. I would spend all my time studying. \”After the high school entrance examination, you can draw however you like, and mom will never stop you.\” I told my daughter. I thought the matter would be resolved, but in addition to straining the parent-child relationship, my daughter\’s grades only declined. Just when I was thinking of other options, one day at dinner, my daughter suddenly said to my husband and me: \”Mom and Dad, I took a depression test online. It\’s quite serious. I may be depressed…\” I interrupted my daughter: \” The Internet is not allowed. You are a child, so you have no worries. Why are you depressed? \”The husband also said: \”Don\’t think about it, it would be great to have this time to study.\” The daughter said seriously: \”I think. Go to the hospital to see a doctor. \”My husband and I refused. As a child, there are no setbacks. How can I become depressed after having a temper tantrum for a few days in adolescence? Until one day, I found that she cut her finger with a paper knife. When I saw the blood coming out, I panicked. After giving her a simple bandage to stop the bleeding, I immediately took her to the hospital. At the hospital, my daughter once again asked to be checked for depression. I didn\’t dare to refuse, so I took her to the psychiatric department again. The diagnosis was depression. After I came out of the hospital, I was very sad. I felt like the sky was falling. There was only one sentence in my mind: \”Why am I depressed? How did I get to this point?\” \”I have been pushed forward by others.\” Next, I temporarily relaxed my requirements for my daughter. During that time, I allowed my daughter to do whatever she wanted and no longer forced her to study, but I still insisted on letting her go to school. I didn\’t consider whether my daughter who suffered from depression would be willing to go to school or whether she would have the energy to face the heavy schoolwork. I subconsciously felt that even if she didn\’t study at home, she could still take some lessons at school. When she recovered, she could catch up on her study progress. . Therefore, when my daughter wanted to take a leave of absence from school, my husband and I did not agree. We just gave her a week\’s leave and forced her to go to school. I regret this decision to this day. If I had agreed to my daughter\’s request to drop out of school earlier, she would not have committed suicide again under heavy pressure. I will always remember what my daughter said to the doctor when we went to the psychiatric clinic together after treatment: \”I know my parents love me very much, and I have always tried to be a good child in their hearts, but I have been pushed forward. I was also very tired. I used to be able to relieve myself by drawing, but then I was no longer allowed to draw. I lost interest in everything and felt no interest in anything I did.Thinking, the biggest feeling is no feeling. \”I felt guilty and sad, and didn\’t know what to do. After returning home, I didn\’t dare to force my daughter to go to school, and I thought about discussing with my husband what to do in the future. That night, I received a message from Professor He Lingfeng forwarded by my daughter. That video. I remembered what the doctor said to me: “It’s a good thing that the child is still willing to pass on information to you in various ways, which proves that she has not completely given up hope of cure and is saving herself. \”I watched the video carefully several times. There is a sequel to the video. Professor He asked the boy: \”Then what do you think is interesting in your life now? The boy replied: \”It\’s nothing interesting, but I will go to the cat cafe to volunteer for two hours every weekend.\” Professor He continued to ask: \”Why?\” The boy said: \”I like cats.\” After they finished chatting, the boy\’s parents asked Professor He about the result of the chat. Professor He said: \”What your child said makes sense. I can\’t convince him. I can\’t convince him.\” The boy\’s parents asked: \”What should we do?\” Professor He replied: \”Why don\’t you give him a cat? I don\’t think people can keep him, but cats might be able to keep him.\” One day he really has a cat, and one day he feels that he no longer wants to live, and he will think, \”What will happen to the cat if I die?\” Then maybe the cat can keep him, but it is difficult for people to keep him. \”Seeing this, I somewhat understood the message my daughter wanted to convey to me. She was looking for herself, the meaning and connection of life, but my husband and I cut off her hobbies and talked about her grades. The child didn\’t want to live. She didn\’t even want to die, so what\’s the point of her grades? I blamed myself, but I was glad it was not too late. I replied to her: \”If you want to drop out of school, then mom can help you apply to the school to drop out.\” Take good care of yourself. You can paint if you want, and do whatever you want. If you need anything, just tell me and dad, and we will help you. \”After a long time, I received a reply from my daughter: \”Yes. \”For the first time, I felt that I caught her emotions and saw the real her. I don\’t think about the future for the time being. The important thing is that I want to support my daughter to live a good life today. From my daughter\’s abnormal state to From the time I was diagnosed with depression, it seemed like it didn\’t take long, but in fact, it spanned almost two years. My daughter was in pain, and so were my husband. The difference was that her pain was that she couldn\’t find life. The meaning and connection is that my husband and I suffer from the fact that our children are not as good as we want them to be. Many of us agree with the educational philosophy of \”as you are, not as I want\”, but in practice, it may be the opposite. I have always been proud of my daughter for being \”obedient, obedient, and self-disciplined,\” but I have ignored her true feelings and difficulties. Over time, my daughter will feel that the person we love and the person she wants to be are not the same. Same. She began to doubt her own existence value and that she had never lived for herself. Sometimes I thought that maybe for my daughter, self-harm was not a big deal, but it was her way of confirming her own existence. I read the words of teacher Yin Jianli: \”The ultimate goal of human beings is to find themselves. To the extent that a person finds himself and becomes himself, he willGained happiness. \”I just feel that what I said is right, but I don\’t have a deep understanding. But now, I have a different awareness. When the child is sick, the parents only see the worst \”result\”. What they don\’t see behind this is that the child is increasingly collapse. , Confused heart. Children\’s pain is not unreasonable. If we are willing to believe that all the words and deeds of children have reasons and are not unreasonable, then we can truly see the various forms of distress signals sent by children. , what do you think?