After taking such a long break from school, the child has not changed at all?

Compromising for the sake of change means no change. Some parents will give me feedback and say: \”I suspended my child from school, but a few months have passed, and the child has not changed at all. Is this acceptance useful? Will it delay the child?\” \”This is a fantasy drama created by the minds of typical parents: if they imagine that they compromise with their children, the children will be grateful to their parents and thank their parents for their gentle care of them, thus turning into good children who work hard and make progress to please their parents. But in fact, children will definitely not buy it and sneer at the hypocrisy of their parents. Let me use a story metaphor to explain to parents, why do children not buy it so much? Now you can imagine: there is a person who pleases you very much and satisfies all your desires in a timely manner. However, this person pleases you and satisfies your purpose. He will wait until you gain weight and then kill you. Drink your blood and eat your flesh, and you don’t have a choice. You can’t leave this person now, and you can’t leave this environment. And if you don’t accept his kindness to you, he will punish you. I won’t give you food or drink, so what are you going to do so that you can survive here? Strategy 1: You don’t accept his flattery to you, but you must pretend to accept it on the surface. Strategy 2: You secretly throw away the food and drink, and always appear skinny and hungry, so that he will not be willing to eat you for the time being. Strategy Three: Make yourself sick so he won\’t eat a sick person. Strategy 4: If he starts to get angry, you should immediately act flattering and tell him that I will eat well and drink well to recover, and use this method to calm his anger. Strategy 5: After seeing his anger subside, repeat strategies 1 to 4. Okay, the next development of the story is this: This person suddenly said to you one day, \”You live well, I will not eat you anymore\”, and he opened the cage for you, tied a rope around you, and told You can walk around in the yard, but he is saying this to you while holding a knife. What are you going to do at this time? Strategy 1: You still don’t believe him, and you still keep yourself thin, hungry, and sick, but in order to avoid his anger, you still choose to go out for a walk pretending. Strategy 2: You show sincerity, thank him for opening the cage for you, and tell him, \”I know you tied a rope around me for my safety, and I also know you want to eat me, but you \”It must be for my own good.\” As soon as you said this, you felt that he relaxed instantly and put away the knife, so you found that it was very useful to please him. After a while, he suddenly asked you, \”What did you do? I gave you good food and drinks and let you go out for a walk. How come you haven\’t gained weight?\” He was very angry, holding a knife and I\’m going to come and chop you up. What are you going to do to survive at this time? Strategy 1: Tell him in tears that my illness is serious, so I can’t gain weight no matter what I eat. At this time he regained his senses, and you know that being sick always helps. Strategy 2: Pick up a knife and make a cut on yourself, causing blood to flow out, and tell him \”If you continueTorture me, I will die now so that you can\’t eat any good meat.\” He was so frightened that he immediately put down the knife in his hand and started to please you, begging you not to die. You found that he was very afraid of your death. Well, this story is Pause here, I know this story seems bloody and scary, but I want to tell you as a parent that this story is the inner feelings that a real depressed child client confided to me many years ago. These feelings all come from Regarding the days when he got along with his parents, I just adapted it to turn his experience into a seemingly serious and extreme story for you to tell. The purpose is to achieve a shocking effect. If it scares you, please forgive me. Let me give some explanations separately. In this story, the \”knife\” he is holding is actually the parents\’ expectation for their children. Why is this expectation a knife? Because the child in the parents\’ fantasy of expectations is not at all. It is necessary to castrate the real needs of the child in reality, and then \”carve\” the child into a look that conforms to the fantasy and expectation of the parents. What is this but a knife? And this \”trying to please\”? Your \”him\” is the parents themselves, and all this flattering is not at all for the parents to truly love this child in real life, but a method of \”fattening and then killing\”. Too many parents like it very much Promoting study when the child is happy will make the child\’s spirit and flesh fattened up when the child is happy. Mentioning study is to cut off the child\’s spirit and flesh with a knife. When parents see their child so happy and feel that his mental state is good, then he should study quickly. – This is hypocrisy. Children smell the smell of blood when they lift their noses. In order to \”survive\” and avoid the pain of being \”slaughtered\”, children will do everything possible to develop adaptive strategies. Let me explain each of these strategies. What it means: Strategy 1: You don’t accept his flattery to you, but you must pretend to accept it on the surface. The meaning is: The child knows in an instant that his parents’ kindness to him comes with the condition of killing his own spirit and flesh. In order not to anger your parents, you will appear to be very accepting of them. Strategy 2: You secretly throw away the food and drink, and always act thin and hungry, so that the child will not want to eat you for the time being. The meaning is: the child\’s subconscious. Zhonghui unconsciously makes himself miserable, so that his parents can see that his current mental state is not fat enough, so he will not kill his own spirit and flesh. Strategy three: make himself sick, and he will not be a sick person. The meaning is: the child\’s subconscious. I know that as long as I get sick, my parents will be infinitely tolerant and give in infinitely, so being sick is definitely a golden shield. Unfortunately, these long-standing diseases are real and are not pretended at all. The subconscious mind can develop. It shows true mental illness. Strategy 4: If he starts to get angry, you should immediately show your kindness and tell him that he will eat well and drink well to recover. This way of calming his anger means: When a child discovers that his or her parents are out of control, they immediately act to please their parents and express their sincere determination to calm their parents\’ anger. Strategy 5: When you see that their anger has subsided.After resting, repeat strategies one to four. The meaning is: After the parents\’ anger subsides, the parents will regain their senses and see that their children are still shriveled up, so they will not slaughter their children\’s spirit and flesh. Next, I will explain the two strategies in the second story: Strategy 1: Tell him in tears that my illness is serious, so I can’t gain weight no matter what I eat. At this time he regained his senses, and you know that being sick always helps. The meaning is: the subconscious mind maintains the illness for a long time, allowing parents to focus all their attention on the illness, so as to achieve the phenomenon of \”it\’s not that the child doesn\’t work hard, it\’s the illness that delays the child.\” Strategy 2: Pick up a knife and cut a cut on yourself, causing blood to flow out, and tell him, \”If you continue to torture me, I will die now so that you can\’t eat any good meat.\” He was so frightened that he immediately put down the knife in his hand and began to please you, begging you not to die. You discovered that he was afraid of your death. The meaning is: To seek life and death, to completely break up with your parents, is the thing that scares parents the most, the most out-of-control thing. Usually, this trick can immediately remove the knife from the parents. I believe you, as a parent, will understand it when you read this, child. These strategies have been developed for one purpose only: to prevent the knives of parents from slaughtering one\’s own spiritual flesh and blood, and to try every means to allow one\’s spiritual self to survive. At the same time, children do not actively develop these strategies, because these strategies are called \”adaptive strategies\”, which are psychological protection mechanisms automatically developed by the subconscious mind, and the target of the subconscious mind is the parents. Therefore, in any family education knowledge system, there must be such a consensus: only when parents change, children will have the opportunity to change. So in this story, let me refine this consensus: Unless parents change their intentions, children will change their adaptive strategies. If parents completely change how they treat their children, the children\’s energy and energy will no longer be focused on how to deal with their parents, but on their own life development. Therefore, one of the core reasons why \”children have not changed at all after being out of school for such a long time\” is: the parents\’ intentions have not changed at all, but their strategies have changed, the way they hold the knife has changed, and the way they please their children has changed. In the end, The purpose is still to wait for the child to become fat and then slaughter the child\’s spirit and flesh. Children\’s subconscious minds are extremely sensitive and can smell the smell of blood that their parents have covered with a fig leaf. 02 The second reason for not changing: Parents benefit from taking a break from school. A mother quit her job when her child was out of school and stayed at home with her child to recover. However, half a year later, the child has not recovered at all. One of the benefits behind this is : If the child does not recover, the mother can stop working and rely on the father for all income. The child subconsciously knows that the mother wants to escape from her own life. In order to save the mother, the child subconsciously continues to make himself sick, and this kind of sickness is gold. As a shield, the father is bound by morality and must pay child support to the mother and daughter. The second benefit is: the child continues to be unable to recover, and every time the mother asks the child why he is in a bad mood, the child will think of being beaten and scolded by his father when he was a child, so the mother uses the child\’s words to continue to reform the father. dadBecause the father felt sorry for the child, he had no choice but to go home more and spend more time with the child. As a result, the child gained a good-tempered father, the mother fulfilled her dream of reforming her husband, and the father also saw the child. The mood becomes more and more stable, which is a typical multi-lateral benefit brought by illness. The third benefit is: if the child continues to be unable to recover, he will gain more compromises and satisfaction from his parents. In this process, the more the child does not go to school, the more pressure on the parents will be reduced. As long as they learn to fight as a family, , but once the child falls ill and cannot recover at home, there is nothing to study. The whole family is working hard on how to recover the child. Everyone’s attitude is very good, and everyone’s communication is friendly. The child benefits from this. Willing to use his life to maintain it. If you look at it this way, you will find that the child is too smart. It is simply \”a disease can solve a thousand worries, and a break from school can make everything peaceful.\” With so many benefits and benefits, it would be perfect if they could last a lifetime. In real life, I have indeed seen a \”36-year-old boy\” whose parents are already in their 70s and receiving pensions to raise a child. This \”child\” does not work, does not get married, does not spend money, and only stays at home. Eat, drink, and chat with old men and women. To ordinary people, this \”child\” seems completely hopeless, but the truth is that \”this child was sent to boarding school by his parents at the age of six to survive. When the child was 12 years old, his parents sent him to \”Yang Yongxin Institution\” to treat the child\’s ADHD. and coercion, the child\’s illness became more serious. At the age of 18, his parents did not agree to take the high school self-study exam to attend the high school the child wanted to go to. As a result, the child suffered a manic episode and was sent to a mental hospital for hospitalization for one year. After being discharged, the child fell into despair and was unable to develop his own functions. . So this child has been carrying a loyalty motivation since he was born: to let his parents abuse him and continue to slaughter his own soul and flesh. So the child simply stays at home and no longer lets his parents slaughter him, and then he can\’t say anything bad about himself. The loyalty motivation is maintained until the child is 36 years old, and the parents feel that this is not good and ask for help. Unfortunately, it is too late. Unless this \”child\” wakes up on his own, there is a high probability that he will be like this child said, \”I Wait until your parents grow old and die before committing suicide.\” 03 How to cut off? All benefits are bilateral, but these benefits have a common feature: they cannot be independent and responsible. Parents are full of expectations for their children\’s future and prospects. If They are parents who understand self-responsibility. They will pursue their own life development when they become adults. They can develop their own skills and expertise in a certain field and become outstanding talents in their own field. This is responsible for their own future, and it is also not responsible for the future of their children. It is a manifestation of expectations. Parents reduce the pressure on grades through their children\’s suspension of school. If they are self-responsible parents, they will understand that if they have regrets about their grades, they can study and take exams by themselves to give themselves an explanation. In a big circle, parents must be satisfied through their children. Parents reduce work pressure through their children\’s illness. If they are self-responsible parents, they will understand that work must be their own business if they want to have a relaxed life., then you have to work harder first. You don’t want to work hard, but you also want to earn income easily to survive. This is a baby’s expectation of its mother, rather than an adult’s self-responsible attitude. Some mothers gain the attention of their husbands through their children\’s illnesses. If they are self-responsible mothers, they will accept a basic fact: relying on men for the rest of their lives is a dead end. You can only take responsibility for yourself in life. Whatever you do, you have to rely on your own hands and beliefs. In order to catch a man, he does not hesitate to let his child continue to be sick and delay his child\’s life development. This is sacrificing his child\’s spirit and flesh to his marriage. This is the metaphor in the previous story, \”Parents do everything to please themselves, just to eat themselves up and sacrifice them to their selfish desires.\” For a long time, I didn\’t quite understand: Why do you deliberately commit crimes when you know it\’s not good for your children? Through the metaphor of this story, I understood that in the eyes of these parents, the children are not important at all. What is really important is the parents\’ own selfish desires. Every time I think about this, my heart aches. I lament that this cannibalistic society still exists in our modern life. I hope that a single spark can start a prairie fire. I wish you, as a reader, to live happily and freely with self-responsibility, and that your children will grow up happily and freely. The next generation is the future of our motherland. The prerequisite for taking good care of the next generation is to take good care of yourself. Parents who are sufficiently self-responsible will not raise a lazy child. Children nourished by love and freedom will definitely develop strong and beautiful.