After the long vacation, I faced the children who refused to go to school. What did I do wrong?

Every first day of school after a long holiday, Rooney would make a fuss – not wanting to go to school. Of course, usually he just expresses his emotions, just like getting out of bed. As long as I use the two tactics of \”empathy\” and \”gentle and firm\”, he will definitely go to school in the end, but I didn\’t expect that this time he would be so of determination. Yesterday morning, before seven-thirty, he walked out of the room sleepily and continued to lie lazily on the sofa in the living room. I asked him to brush his teeth quickly, but he was indifferent and said: \”Mom, I don\’t want to go to school today!\” Even though I told him in advance that he was going to school the day before, I could still predict that he would say this, but at that time I was feeding my brother Rice cereal had no intention of \”empathizing\” with him, so I said noncommittally: \”Let\’s talk about this later, and go brush your teeth first! This is what you must do when you get up every morning.\” I thought, no matter what, first Coax him to finish brushing his teeth and feed his brother before talking to him properly. However, he didn\’t buy it and read my mind: \”I won\’t brush my teeth! You will definitely force me to go to school after I finish brushing my teeth. I won\’t brush my teeth!\” Maybe he needed some time, so I said, \”Okay. You can lie down for a while and brush your teeth in 5 minutes.\” However, 5 minutes passed, and 10 minutes passed, and he still didn\’t want to get up and brush his teeth. I kept telling myself to wait patiently, but seeing that it was already eight o\’clock, I finally couldn\’t help walking up to him and staring at him hard: \”Do you want me to brush your teeth for you, or do you want to brush your teeth yourself?\” \”Okay, okay, I\’m going to brush my teeth, but I tell you, I won\’t go to school after brushing my teeth!\” Hum, I\’ll deal with you after you finish brushing your teeth! I silently made up my mind to fight him to the end. But he kept his word. After brushing his teeth, he continued to lie on the sofa. I patiently finished my breakfast and tried to understand and said: \”Mom, I know, after so many days off, you can\’t adapt to school today. I understand your mood.\” Seeing that he didn\’t respond, I continued : \”But, you know, you have to go to school today. You can\’t miss it. You have to go no matter what time! You can still catch up with breakfast at school. If you are late, the teacher will criticize you.\” I tried to hug you again. I hugged him, but he didn\’t appreciate it. Instead, he started to talk to me about his reasoning: \”I just don\’t want to go to school today. Why do I have to listen to you in everything? Can\’t I go tomorrow? After playing for so many days, I I haven’t recovered yet, just let me go to school! Mom, just let me rest for one more day, take it easy, and I promise to go to school tomorrow.” “Empathy” is useless, there must be a bottom line,” No! I have to go to school today!\” I finally couldn\’t help but get angry. I took out his school uniform, tried to help him put it on, and then dragged him to school, but while he struggled, he cried loudly: \”Mom, don\’t worry, just listen to me, listen to me.\” …\”. I don\’t believe that I can\’t handle you. If you don\’t go to school today, it will be even worse when you get older. I was focused on sticking to my \”bottom line\” and couldn\’t listen to what he said at all. I chased him from the room back to the living room. After several rounds, I was exhausted, but he still kept crying and insisted.Refuse to go to school! When I was helpless, a voice suddenly jumped into my mind: \”You are just too spoiled to him, so wanton, just give him a beating!\” Then I really picked up the folding fan next to me and pointed it at it. His butt was spanked twice hard and he immediately burst into tears. These two blows really hurt, and when I heard his pitiful cries, I felt extremely distressed and regretful, but I still said stubbornly: \”Are you going to school or not?\” Unexpectedly, he said stubbornly: \”Okay, since you have taken me If you get beaten, then I won’t even go to school!” I had no choice but to threaten him: “Grandma and I are going to the hospital later. You have two choices. One is to go to school, and the other is to stay at home alone. .\” He had never been alone at home, and I thought he would have been afraid to go to school. But he said: \”I don\’t choose either. I want to go to the hospital with you.\” \”That\’s impossible! If you don\’t go to school, you will have to stay at home alone!\” I said coldly. \”But I\’m afraid.\” \”There\’s nothing you can do about it. This is the consequence of not going to school.\” When my mother and I were about to go out, he went out first. I immediately took his schoolbag and said, \”Okay , then I will send you to school.\” I still refused to give up and wanted to force him to go to school. He grabbed his schoolbag and ran home. I immediately took out the key and tried to lock the door. He immediately ran to the door crying and blocked the door with his body. In this way, we were in a stalemate at the door for a long time. He finally compromised: \”Okay, I\’ll stay at home alone!\” At that moment, I was completely discouraged. It turned out that he would rather stay at home alone than go to school. I suddenly realized that I was wrong in this fight. What\’s wrong? I started to reflect. From the beginning, I presupposed the situation of the day, thinking that by using the methods I had used before – \”empathy\” and \”gentle but firm\”, I would be able to get him to go to school obediently. This presupposition made me impatient at all. To listen to his feelings. But children are not machines, so how can they respond according to your preset process? When he said \”I don\’t want to go to school\” for the first time, I was perfunctory and didn\’t give him a positive response. Although I later gave him \”empathy\”, my tone of voice was stiff, my attitude was not gentle, and I didn\’t agree with him in my heart. Feelings, such empathy has no effect at all. In fact, from the moment I fantasized about how to persuade him to go to school, a power struggle began between me and him, and I turned his business into my business. When he became more and more agitated and resisted again and again, I even forgot about his feelings. I only thought about adhering to my principles and maintaining my authority, and fell into my own angry emotions. , completely forgetting that school should be his business. I also forgot that he was already six years old, he had his own ideas and had power, but I still treated him as a three-year-old child, thinking that beating, scolding and threats would make him afraid to shrink back. No one wants to be controlled or dominated by anyone. The more he is forced, the more he will resist. How long can I beat, scold and threaten him? Now he just cries to resist. When he gets older, he may run away from home or even fight you, right? if whenAt that time, I could accept his ideas calmly and just do my own thing – remind and wait, and then he would decide the rest. Maybe he could adjust his mentality and go to school on time? Taking a step back and thinking about it, even if he hasn\’t adjusted well and still doesn\’t want to go to school, so what? Is the damage caused by missing school for a day more serious than the damage to the parent-child relationship? It turns out that he was really not ready yesterday. This morning, I didn\’t need to remind him at all. He brushed his teeth and dressed himself and went to school with his schoolbag on his back. Thinking of this made me take a closer look at my position as a parent. I always thought that I respected children and was very democratic towards them, but from this incident, I discovered that I also have an authoritarian side. I also tried to control my children, hoping that they would listen to me. Similar power struggles are occurring in more and more families. We often lament, what’s wrong with today’s children? Why are they so disobedient? Because times are changing and social culture is also undergoing drastic changes. More and more parents are beginning to pay attention to education. We advocate giving children love and freedom. In such a democratic atmosphere, children are becoming more and more independent and powerful. They are not Like our generation, they easily succumb to the power of their parents. They are disgusted by the authority imposed by adults and are unwilling to be controlled and dominated. They are eager to show their power through resistance. If we repeatedly use authority to suppress children, a vicious cycle will form: parents show their power in various ways, and then children \”declare war\” on their parents, and both parties enter into an endless power struggle. The final result must be that all coercion and suppression by parents on their children will be ineffective, because children are so flexible in the struggle that they will not think about face issues or the dangerous consequences of their actions. In this way, the family becomes a battlefield, with no cooperation or harmony, only anger and fighting. As parents of the new era, we must change our thinking and adapt to the children of the new era. We need to understand that our new role should be that of a leader and completely dispel the idea that we are dictators and that we have no power to dominate and control our children. I know that this is really hard to do when faced with challenges from children over and over again. It requires us to constantly look at ourselves and remind ourselves: \”I really can\’t force my children to do anything or control them. I can try The method in the book, but cannot presuppose or force the child to cooperate. The child cannot be forced, and only if I win his heart can he cooperate. The child\’s appropriate behavior should be made through my encouragement rather than force. But I can do it through my own Thinking, method and sense of humor promote his willingness to cooperate.\” As stated in the book \”Child, Challenge\”, the best way to win children\’s cooperation is to withdraw from the conflict so that the child has no opponents or audiences – no one He needs to be defeated, and there is no one to show off his power, \”let his wind have no sails to blow.\”