After watching Dong Yuhui’s speech at Tsinghua University, I understood: primary school is about companionship, junior high school is about respect, and high school is about letting go.

A few days ago, my cousin left me a message late at night, saying that she was very distressed recently: \”This child is really giving me a headache! If this continues, I won\’t be able to pass the primary school entrance examination, let alone the high school entrance examination and the college entrance examination… It seems that I won\’t be able to go to any good university. Isn’t my whole life over? I really don’t know what to do in the future?” The more she thought about it, the more anxious she became, so she got up from the bed with her clothes on, and in the middle of the night began to search the Internet for various ways to improve her performance. The next day, I asked around in various parent groups, asking everyone to recommend reliable personal trainers. In fact, my cousin\’s daughter\’s grades are not bad, she is polite and popular, but she lost points on the math test because of her carelessness. Many parents around me have the same anxiety as my cousin. When a child plays with a mobile phone for a while, he feels that he is useless and has no hope for the future; when a child doesn’t like to talk much, he thinks that he cannot make friends and cannot survive in society; when a child fails a test, he becomes so anxious that he cannot sleep. Pessimistically thinking that the child has lost all possibilities… This is a typical \”catastrophic thinking\” in psychology. Whenever a child has any minor problems in exams, admission to higher schools, making friends, etc., he will become so anxious that his scalp will go numb, and he will even completely deny the child\’s entire life. This reminds me of Dong Yuhui, who once again broke out of the entertainment industry because of a speech. This time, he stood on the podium at Tsinghua University. CCTV recommends more than 500 high-scoring documentaries. The child watched \”The Pattern Exploded\” and he was addicted to self-discipline. Not only did he frequently come up with golden sentences, but he also outputted the whole process in English, which amazed everyone. Looking at the talented, confident and generous man he is now, many uninformed people may think that Dong Yuhui was born to be the proud son of heaven and the perfect academic master. This is not the case. When he was a child, Dong Yuhui was not very smart. His father took him to graft fruit trees. He could do it in just a few steps, but he couldn\’t learn it. When he first entered junior high school, the teacher asked him to recite the English alphabet. What he recited was \”ah, wave, times, de…\”. The teacher thought he was deliberately making trouble and asked him to stand for punishment. When he was in high school, he felt a little inferior because of his appearance and height, but he wanted to socialize with his male classmates, so he secretly went to an Internet cafe together. In college, his English still had a serious accent, and he was often laughed at by teachers and classmates. But who would have thought that such a boy with mediocre qualifications would later become an excellent English teacher and such a knowledgeable and knowledgeable anchor? Hei Youlong, the founder of the slow-nurturing education concept, once pointed out that 90% of the parenting problems faced by Chinese parents are mostly due to being too impatient. Anxious for children to immediately correct their shortcomings, improve their grades, become popular, and stand out… But every child has his own flowering period, some will bloom early, and some will need a long wait. Just like Black Young Dragon\’s own four children, none of them made him worry-free since childhood. The eldest brother, Li Yan, loves to sleep in and is often late. He once missed an important exam because of oversleeping; the second child, Li Guo, can be called the \”devil incarnation\”. Not only does he swear a lot, but he also likes to get into fights and get into trouble. The most serious incident was when he almost set his neighbor on fire with a match. The family\’s gas tank; the third child, Li Li, never puts his mind on studies, but likes to dress up and has made several \”boyfriends\” in junior high school; the fourth child, Li Li, has good grades but has a stubborn personality and likes freedom.Be disciplined. However, under the upbringing of Hei Youlong and his wife, these four \”problem children\” were all admitted to prestigious schools and had successful careers. Black Young Dragon also advises parents not to make premature conclusions about their children\’s lives. Because not every flower must bloom in spring. Teacher Zhao Yukun of Tsinghua University once had a particularly vivid metaphor: \”The tiger in your eyes may be a wild cat.\” Tigers can eat people and are very dangerous; foxes can eat chickens and damage property; wild cats can only steal a fish at most. Although it is also a kind of property loss, you can make up for it by working harder and catching more fish. As children grow up, they will encounter all kinds of problems. Some of these problems are at the tiger level, which directly threaten the child\’s life and health; some are at the fox level, which are not fatal but will affect the child\’s future, such as moral character, social and learning difficulties, etc.; and most problems are only at the wild cat level. , will not have an adverse effect on the child in the long run. I have a friend who walks her baby with her, and her son has been naughty since he was a child. In kindergarten, her son didn\’t like to share and often got into fights over toys. She was called to school for talks several times. I signed up for art classes, but my son couldn\’t sit still and was disobedient. In the end, the substitute teacher complained and he had no choice but to give up painting. In elementary school, her son loved to be a \”little follower\” and didn\’t seem to care when he was bullied… My friend once had a headache because of this and was even so anxious that she took her son to see a doctor, but the results showed that everything was normal. As her son grew up, she realized that her previous worries were completely unnecessary. In fact, if a child has a slight problem or is temporarily lagging behind others, it is nothing in the marathon of life. Just like Wu Yishu, a talented girl from Tsinghua University, she was also playful, hyperactive, and didn\’t like to study when she was a child. She was also very active at home, but these did not affect her later counterattack and become a talent. What\’s more, many times what you think are problems and shortcomings may actually be \”plug-ins\” to your child\’s happiness and success. The writer Liushen Leilei was a \”Jin Yong fan\” when he was a child. At that time, his teachers and parents thought that reading leisure books was useless and it particularly delayed his studies. He was indeed a poor student at that time, and once he was ranked last in the class. He didn\’t dare go home with his transcript in hand, so he could only spend 5 yuan to make a copy of his classmate\’s transcript and change his name to his own. Growing up, he didn\’t know how many times he was educated by his parents. But later, it was his love for novels when he was young that made him become a writer, doing the work he was good at and loved. Just like Dong Yuhui once said in a live broadcast: \”Don\’t worry about your apples ripening later than others. That means your apples are sweeter than everyone else\’s. Remember, give the flowers time to bloom.\” Education needs The wisdom of \”slowness\” requires the patience of \”waiting\”. Dong Yuhui said his father never scolded him for his clumsiness. Take the matter of grafting fruit trees as an example. Because all the fruit trees he grafted died, he was angry and sad. However, his father did not beat or scold him. Instead, when Dong Yuhui was not paying attention, he secretly ran back to the orchard and grafted all his fruit trees. In the second year, all the fruit trees came alive. Dong YuHui thought it was because he was too capable. No matter what problems he encountered, his father never hit him, nor did he conclude that he had no future because of one thing. On the contrary, no matter what Dong Yuhui boasted, his father would say, \”I think you can really do it. Our family will have talents in the future.\” It was his father who always gave him hope, so he felt that he was omnipotent, that he could overcome any difficulty, and that no setback could defeat him. Some time ago, a father’s speech at a parent-teacher conference was something people couldn’t help but praise. He made no secret of the fact that his son was a \”scumbag\” in studies and had seriously hindered the class, so he wanted to apologize to everyone. But at the same time, he still has confidence in his son: I believe it is entirely possible for him to become a pillar of the country. He did not just focus on his son\’s shortcomings and complain about them. Instead, he saw his son\’s strengths and affirmed them: \”My son has a very strong psychology and a high emotional intelligence. He has a better mentality than me as a psychological counselor. After entering the society in the future, a A person\’s psychological endurance and emotional intelligence are very important factors for success, so I believe that my son will have a bright future.\” Many parents also shared their children\’s stories in the comment area: their son\’s grades were not good, but he won the honors in the school sports meeting. He has won three championships; his daughter used to be idle, but it did not affect her counterattack in the high school entrance examination, and now she is in a key experimental class; her son is also a scumbag, and did not pass the high school entrance examination. He went to a secondary vocational 3+3, and this year he is a freshman in junior college. Now he has joined the army and became a A glorious naval warrior…the present affects the future, but the present cannot define the future. Thinking about the classmates and friends around us, how many top students in the past have disappeared from the crowd, and how many scumbags have excelled in the end. I remember it was said in the book \”The Gardener and the Carpenter\”: \”Carpenter-style parents raise their children in an effort to \’shape a finished product.\’ If your children are pruned to the point of breaking their muscles and bones, they may not be able to satisfy you. And gardener-style parents Parents are responsible for providing an open, stable, and loving space, so that any child full of infinite possibilities can flourish.\” A good gardener will not encourage the growth of seedlings or over-fertilize. Instead, we need to understand the characteristics of each flower, cultivate it carefully according to local conditions, and provide soil for the flowers to bloom. The same is true for good parents, who will not interfere or follow the trend. Instead, we should see and respect the differences of each child, do not yell or scold, do not be anxious or impatient, and provide children with spiritual nourishment with love, encouragement and companionship. There is such a healing saying that circulated on the Internet: \”Every child is a flower, but the flowering period is different. When other people\’s flowers bloom in spring, don\’t worry, maybe your flowers bloom in summer. If It hasn’t bloomed in autumn yet, so don’t rush to stamp on it. Maybe the tree at your house is wintersweet, and it will bloom more beautifully in winter…\” Every child grows at a different pace, has different life experiences, and has different values. It is also different from happiness. Education is \”watching\” and even more waiting. Love the temporarily ordinary child in front of you, and work hard with him in a down-to-earth manner. As long as you take good care of this \”seedling\”, trust it, encourage it, and give it hope. I believe that one day, he will also amaze everyone.