After watching Liu Yifei\’s new drama \”The Story of a Rose\”, I realized that children\’s learning drive is overwhelming, starting from the three withdrawals of their parents.

Recently I have been following Liu Yifei\’s new drama \”The Story of a Rose\”. Although it mainly tells the emotional story of Huang Yimei (played by Liu Yifei) at different stages of growth, I noticed one detail. She is a person with a strong learning drive. She is interested in many things. There is nothing she doesn\’t want to learn and nothing she can\’t learn well. This reminds me of what my friend said after the college entrance examination a few days ago: \”My child should learn as consciously as Huang Yimei and be curious about everything. I am so grateful.\” Yes, who doesn\’t want to have a learning talent? What about children who are extremely driven? But through personal experience and observation, I found that in many families, parents always play the role of \”dampening\” their children\’s enthusiasm for learning. These roles are difficult to detect and are often hidden under the surface of \”taking care of the children\’s future\”. In fact, parents of children who have truly awakened their inner drive know how to exit these three roles in time. Have you ever had this feeling – you are thinking about doing something, but if someone happens to be urging you to do it, you don\’t want to do it. The same goes for children learning. I believe you have heard of this kind of case more or less: Little A has not done very well in science since he was in junior high school. In order for his son to learn well, his parents tried their best to buy all the mathematics, physics and chemistry materials they could buy, and then compiled the most typical questions into several papers for their son to do. He also began to study mathematics, physics and chemistry on his own, striving to \”give an answer immediately whenever his son asks.\” After their son gets a question wrong, they first analyze, summarize, and summarize the knowledge points themselves, and then break it down and explain it to their son until his son can follow the example and answer other similar questions correctly. That’s not all. They organized the questions that Little A got wrong into a book of wrong questions according to difficulty level, and asked his son to do it again every other week. As a result, once the exam comes, the score will be passing. Asking the child the reason is: \”I was careless.\” \”You haven\’t taught me about this type of question, how can I do it!\” \”There are so many questions, what can I do if I don\’t finish them.\” The parents can only increase their counseling He worked hard to control his son\’s study more strictly, but as many people can guess, the result is that the child\’s grades have been fluctuating above and below the passing line, with no progress at all. Is it caused by the child\’s lack of conscious self-discipline? no. This is because the supervision of others destroys children\’s initiative in learning – people are born with the instinct to do things according to their own wishes and not to be controlled by others. Think about it, if you were at work and your leader asked you to follow the steps set by him step by step, and you couldn\’t have any ideas of your own, would you be happy? Will you do this work voluntarily and consciously? If something goes wrong, will you take all the responsibility? The answer is self-explanatory. Therefore, we first give up control of our children, let them have a sense of control over their own learning, regard themselves as the person in charge, and make self-planning based on inner feelings, so that they can have conscious motivation. Retreat from the role of \”bad reviewer\” Many people should have heard this sentence: \”People are easily suggestible. If a child is always suggested to have some kind of problem and is not allowed to express normal needs, he will We will gradually lose ourselves and slide in a bad direction. \”But many times, we unknowingly become our children\’s negative judges. A hot-tempered oneMom, my son will be in fourth grade soon. The child has not been able to sit still since he was a child. He always skips class and has difficulty listening to the teacher carefully for a long time. Every time the teacher reported to this mother about her child\’s class performance, she would criticize her child. As for the child, he will be honest for a few days, and then he will return to his old self. As time went by, she became even more angry. She often scolded her children mercilessly, and often used her self-motivation and self-consciousness when she was studying to teach her son about his involuntary lack of self-improvement. She felt that with this comparison, her son could always realize his own shortcomings and improve them. But contrary to her expectations, the child progressed from skipping class to sleeping in class, and became even more lazy in study. The homework that could be completed in one hour had to be postponed to three hours. If she gets angry with her son, the child will yell at her: \”I am just a poor student. I am not born to learn. No one can be as good as me!\” Why is this? Because the child is always in a state of emotional internal conflict! From the first time the mother criticized him, the child was filled with negative emotions and low self-esteem. He is timid and feels that he is incomparable to anyone; he resents why his mother cannot understand him; he is depressed and thinks that he cannot meet the requirements of his parents and teachers. The child spends most of his psychological energy on dealing with these negative emotions. He cannot think normally at all, and has no extra energy to improve himself. He will only use various behaviors to \”prove\” his mother\’s evaluation of him. Thus, a vicious cycle was created. We must understand that if we want our children to study hard and take classes seriously, we must find their strengths and what they have done well to recognize them. Children who are often criticized become inferior; children who are often scolded learn to be harsh; children who are often scolded become timid; children who are often suppressed learn to be rebellious… Our verbal evaluation of children, to a certain extent Up is the direction of the child\’s behavior. It can be said that whether children live a positive or negative life, are optimistic or withdrawn and have low self-esteem, are spontaneous or avoidant and procrastinating, may all be in the \”hints\” of their parents. Another friend of mine who quit the role of \”compare\” is a very anxious father. As soon as his daughter was born, he prepared a series of study plans. In kindergarten, if any child can recite more Tang poems than his daughter, he will teach his daughter to recite a few more poems until her daughter can recite more Tang poems than other children; in elementary school, it is even more impressive, with performance rankings, hobbies, and book reading. Quantity, how many certificates he has obtained, etc. are all the focus of his attention. It does not mean that he must be better than others, but he must not be worse. Moreover, he not only guides his daughter to compare with others, but also pushes his children to compare with himself. His mantra is: \”If you can\’t beat other children this time, we will compete again next time, but you must get better every time.\” Once, The child fell out of the top three in the class in the math quiz and started to break down and cry when he got home. He encouraged his daughter: \”This time your results are not satisfactory. Please reflect on the reasons and do well next time. I understand your uncomfortable mood, but crying will not improve your results. You must study hard. Be good, stop crying, we will Correct the paper.\” After hearing this, my daughter did not dare to cry. Although she was still in a low mood, she still corrected the paper. But since then, my daughter has become, became competitive but timid. The child is afraid that other students will surpass him, so he is unwilling to explain any question to his classmates; in order to leave a good impression on the teacher, he sits upright in class and raises his hands high every time he asks a question, regardless of whether he knows it or not; when he encounters a slightly awkward situation I shy away from challenging things, for fear of being laughed at if I don’t do well. … On the surface, the child seems to be very motivated, but this kind of progress is like a mirror in the mirror, which will be blown away by a little storm. Children are given the responsibility of competition prematurely, bear the anxiety of their parents, and bear the burden of comparison. What drives her is vanity and fear, not the ability and courage to face difficulties. Children who are driven forward by vanity and fear will only try to adapt to external standards and ignore their own inner needs. Learning for this child is painful, painful, burdensome, and frustrating. In the long run, not only will it fail to arouse the child\’s inner drive, it will also deplete the child\’s inner strength. It is very possible to live a life of rigidity, boredom, caution, or even self-destruction. Does that mean that if parents withdraw from these three roles and awaken their children\’s drive to learn, they will be able to successfully overcome any difficulties in learning? Not necessarily. The vast majority of children are not geniuses, but ordinary people. It is important to strengthen inner strength and make children curious and enthusiastic about learning. But it is also important to help children discover the charm of knowledge, discover their interest in subjects, and cultivate their learning ability and thinking, especially their self-confidence in learning. I know some people want to ask: \”I\’m not a professional, I can\’t do this!\”